A letter from April 25th, 2020

Dear FutureMe, hey hey hey! i wrote a letter to you (almost 24 year old me) after i found out about this app from Damon's channel. that letter came from all the overwhelming emotions i was feeling that day (yk due to the pandemic and all) , not that that feeling has changed much but it has definitely reduced to some extent. But i find myself here again writing to you again , because although nowadays I feel always on the edge but at the same time i have accepted the reality and i have started dreaming about my future on more realistic terms. For instance i have accepted the fact that maybe my college days will not be spent locking eyes with boys and experimenting with girls or on lush green campuses but rather on the laptop , in my room ; maybe i won't be able to visit Paris and someday stay there and my college years will be spent in this house in Kolkata. Since the lockdown has got us all feeling lazy and my lazy *** has just got lazier, today i made a small change and actually started a routine . I actually woke up at 7am today, exercised, took a morning shower , made my morning chai and the whole shabang! I also feel really stressed and scared as i got to know yesterday that Baba's salary had a 30% cut, and i also know for a fact that we'll still be well off (please remember to be grateful for your privileged *** , wherever you are, however you are). But i really do hope that you finish your ASL course and become mildly fluent in French. Rn I am also toying with the idea of hula hooping and if you still have'nt got around that idea , go immediately ,find yourself a hoop and start learning. This quarantine has also made me acknowledge the beauty of learning new things and i have discovered a new taste for learning new things when i am not pressured by restrictive school system. Also i haven't said this yet because I am kind of scared to say it , in order to not jinx it but i hope you have found yourself a good college for Law or not. And coming to my passion , i still haven't got a stronghold of it yet but I as days go by i really do see the importance of money and law in the society. Law also serves as a guiding path for me rn bcs I really need to make that dough and make it a little easier for Ma and Baba. But to be really honest with you I really don't think Law is the correct choice for me , but in these uncertain, unstable and unknown times i can see that Ma-Baba (especially Baba) is already imagining me as a lawyer and that hope and dream somehow soothes his exhausted heart and mind. But amdist all this confusion and a 'lost cause' kinda phase the only thing that has kept me grounded and mentally in a good state of mind is drawing and painting. Nowadays I spent the entire day painting and drawing, stopping only to eat and take a bath- those days have a different kind of joy in itself.And it also keeps me going, so that whenever Baba comes home from work I always try to keep them in good spirits , try to make them laugh and try to keep all this overwhelming emotions under my smile, because ik that since Baba did not have the most giving family growing up and he considers his little family of four as the only place of solace and comfort, his daughter's smile gives him a sense of purpose(okay tears are already blurring my vision rn, and i hope yours are too). By the time this letter reaches you either I am still in Law school or i have just graduated. Whatever the future has in store for you , I just hold one expectation from you - future me, that you find your passion (Law or something completely diagonally opposite) and that holds you accountable . Also remember to cry your heart out if you have forgotten to cry bcs this almost 19 year old kid still cries herself to sleep some nights. And please please don't forget to put a smile on Baba's face even if you are witnessing the end of the world as you are reading this wearing an oxygen cylinder of some sort (that is if we are not all dead by the time). Hope this letter finds you in good health and spirits . P.S- Get back to sketching(if you haven't done something great with it yet, haha!!) and take a trip (if you can still go outside of the house) also check up on Damon Dominique - he is your favourite youtuber rn and just look at how much he has grown in these few years.