A letter from April 17th, 2020

Time Travelled — 12 months

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, Hello, its currently April 17th, 2020, 4:29 PM The world is shut down because of the coronavirus, it is all very apocalyptic. this is my second email to my future self, I hope you're doing well. I read mine from when I was 15, last year. I was really not confident yet because of my eyelid surgery. Currently, my obsession is still Lana Del Rey, I'm studying at San Domenico, which seems so impossible, past me had no idea I would be here. I'm getting treatment for Anxiety and Depression, which I feel guilty for talking about because I'm not even sure I have it if you get what I mean. You'll almost be 18 by the time you get this letter, which is insane. That's a whole adult! Anyways, here are the questions I set for us from last year's letter. How are your grades? Around a B Family? I'm really close with my dad now, we watch Haikyuu together and I cannot be more grateful for him. I miss mom dearly but she's in Taiwan. I lost her silver earrings and I feel bad because she gave them to me and they were beautiful. Love life? Sigh, Still nonexistent. There's this guy in my class, Cameran, he's really, really cute. I'm also confused about my feelings towards Carys and Lola, they're both pretty and my friends. I'm on a facetime with Lola right now, she doesn't know I'm writing this. I want to be her good friend before anything else, she reached out to me and seems to really, really care about me. She's a republican though, which is confusing because she's a wonderful person that seems to care about people. self-confidence? It fluctuates, but ever since my monolid surgery I feel a lot prettier, and people tell me I'm pretty. But I'ms still insecure and I wish I was prettier. and I also wish I was more motivated and intelligent. I think I'm pretty smart, I just don't apply myself as most people do. Mental health: I had such a strong urge to cut today, and I feel like I've been faking everything about having bad mental health and that I'm just too sensitive. It's a bad feeling and I wish it would get better soon. My therapist's name is Gabrielle, she's okay but I don't think shes really helping me, not in the way Rachael did at least. social life? Isa was an amazing roommate, a little messy and complains too much but she's the best friend I could ever ask for. She's always there for me and I know I can trust her, I do make fun of her a little too harshly, just because I could. I'm going to stop. I have a bunch of friends now! none of them are necessarily close though. I eat lunch with Jack, Sophie, Angel, and Judy and Fiona. I'm also talking to Carys and Anaya, they give me headaches because I want to be closer to them but we don't have much to talk about. I'm very jealous of Carys because of shes strong, talented, smart, opinionated, funny and pretty. It's not a good emotion. I have Kara and Sara, they're my quarantine buddies and Sara and I love to watch Timothee Chalamet movies and thirst over them There's also my east 2 friends, Gemma, Clara (Isa's girlfriend, I hope it turns out well for them) and Julia. We always have fun although I'm pretty sure none of the people in the friend group like each other very much. And there's Lola, she's special and I feel like we just click, we get high together and we watch anime, we love Saiki K. she is also very gorgeous and caring, I love her. greatest accomplishment? I came out of my comfort zone and survived with decent grades to show, I managed to make some good friends and I sought help for my mental health. the biggest problem right now? I'm struggling with my mental health and self-doubt. and the coronavirus thing is giving me a lot of stress. I also lack motivation for anything in life, especially Chemistry. meme.palette?shes at 57.5k! but its quickly going downhill, I don't know why who's your best friend? I have Isa, and Noorun, and Emma, and Lola. I love them all a lot even though I still doubt myself sometimes. which school? san Domenico! are we happy? As happy as I can be anything on college/future jobs? Mrs. May recommended some colleges for me, its stressful because I don't have a high enough GPA and SAT score. How's Junior year? It's stressful but good I hope you're in a good place right now, don't worry about things too much, and I want you to have a good time. -stella, 16

Epilogue

about 5 years later

Hi babygirl,

I love you, I love, love love your mind, your humor, your wisdom, your grace, your terrifying insight. The world has recovered from the coronavirus sometime into your...

Gouhhtal yare to obj epnesgdsir ecdons peoscrs taapopclini ngimka sltil ahs hte eneb eyt p,u wihhc tib a mecoyon teh fo ,eoglelc sah cpki. .
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A ew eyr lneist tfnoe iltsl ieaotrfv otd'n btu aanl eyitelfdin yro,mnae to 'essh sa led. Ta hndeadl idemonco aamezd rveeghinty i who ouy epcla nas rdah am ,be nad a si ot. Waht ouy ilstl fmor pdehpane ot ayesr ma eb ehtso irrenevcog hsnote, yarpeht i ni to inrgud. I dna nooumser na we wlli cipk pu ihld,c eht a rset iersvuvd maount an sa sa tdula. ,way you nac can 'were tnha het fo yb yoru iogdn lzuiasevi sxirospnee trbete eiimgna ryr,ow nac you veer eiaming! i 22 o,nw o—oh'trorrdn er'ew motsal. .
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That morf nesptar rown edttsel gibnr geon oyru buetclnure to ear alnmyi dsue nwod cfqruynee ynittsein yb to own, tis' radiebousn aeg webtene eth nda aetsr retns you. Vhae ouy easuceb mctiinay soem ihwt msblroep of shti. .
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El,estrt "eb yruo fo itwh hatt yuo vole ouy epeolp ferof etnelg hte :oertw to v,oel dan noe ehest ryluosef, in. Oreeveyn kndi nto name si otn is btu ryeovene. Tngyri ym you sltil " as to rmfo eb l,daut ecraipct thwi gciunintno a felruca i ma areht, traeg na awth. Oyu lal come hu?hotg kd,ni okwn ngsitaa wy,a osmt aer t,wha by fnid to eht ddso ,out ppeoel. Intgh s'int ot wlrd,o uaobt the ?ti eerzial a ogdo.
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Tleorhnispia 2,2 irfst kewes 3 otin in twihni ew remts ta o,vle it tgo fo dndee dna ruo. One het are ot *** ,nwo no uoy pisusrre of. Hte dg,o tingsh ye'ovu disa. . . Eth em ctslea in ot nsiksig anyaa imgovn m,ebsporl ymemor thsta khtin wohls heav thaee,tr do ont beremrem iengomhts ltasmo bremerem i i dan i vimoe o'duy ulwdo aelyrl. Nteiqurnaa eht nlyo fo hda "vioem taublose wuodl tra"heet teh yuo a,wy ssecac to rnudgi ******* a lco,soh oruy oiemv eeetngraed be we eth by inrgdboa tno e,etraht odluw eb ti cuhhcr. Sjseu hcrtsi. .
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Uoy pkee ninigtkh outba i. Alol eanm lnigy thouc, tiwh uhrchc eht veitrengyh ieatrpsilnho ihtw nsxeite, ayana onw lnigeph nda in 'aiss the,baer ni ntihg in at ni rhe tub chlsoo ebd a adcngni. Or scyr,a 'sti olla, to ti? w,no si'efl ro ofr usjt wree tsi'n or twna nunfy we ia,s speudressp eniglfes rou ,aynaa tobua cihlce, it eenvr a aws efuoscnd nudernasdt. Tou reom of rofm nwke mcoeeb dwulo redhra feli eerw arcetni spuogr ew we aechr dlwuo gte aceusbe vnee tpccaaeecn atth ***, sueecba. .
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Uro ro kedclbo wyh yirntgerif reeemoshw tteninato thsi i thikn i lseite— wsa nrandsetdu truend v'eew ,tou. Iret,gryifn niygrt eesns wignka eldvi teh teh ouy kmesa hepon srmno rie,tirgnyf no into eruqe nda rapnset a spceea hyw uyro rwee nssueqere in tiscitra vreey iglrs sfendri ovle ti dlrow yoru rewe eo,sndc ldveo cted,ceap meadpnic de,fdein rehew i,enigfrtyr swa rewe was uoyr was claois a yuo ot erg,ifyritn eewr utipao. Eth ni pedree oru is the od 'erew ti fo reven owd,nu gonid arpt ,atht a lltsi by tbiha i wetn ,wya ay,aw ftruue hatif aveh olgatuhh. Tar snsemda uor s'ti adem hsit teb,rte. .
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Iacsol fl:ei.
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Cpocent uoy wrcsdo ,yaw ehtrie eoecl?lg d'tdin the raeft fo dnes of i yb year eth ocol onkw hte ddi sndcoe. Anhg wno ni rquee srpogu fo ew mteh stra eht tgare in revsael ro lpeop,e of leovvind mtos. We vaeh dinseg dame vivani nodtroucip on,w efw y,aw dna od nad a(as)n+hn a nedfsir odm ttah. Ggi adeyp $060 eibgstg yb asw anisviv yoru ftehra. Gseind uorbgth ofoperrss ijiay lyek, fo innjwo mik soal agznaim peol:pe an comiyunmt yg,uno. Ouyr yo ealp emdhiter you and rineso otd bhtgoru saniwmh eant rjepcto bleu. Reuo,pe ginvitsi vnee 72 wto nengdla tnew eyjdnoe genbi ni insferd aemd ardabo yusdt we we in we rdnuoa to nda dnlei,ca n,toshm snocd,lta. Pu 200 fo aegsp eoadsbkopcr vo'uye rmsiemeo dan. Eitarvfo eon klqycui uryo rsiuonect cndeial fo acembe. Lenudic ca,essi nh,haan rteho gnc,o popeel :swga mnasyi. .
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Rahersec wno, been nfu ahs hrtig. Thssie alb l,aaakmy pesfsorro uor but on olve ianik yoj we and our s,u wiht ionglom ahs bene eg,ng. Tca vene. .
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Ecoglle zetm agznmia eerrca, sbt—i,raeainpmttn ni ym vdeil of dna the ttnyieer nriognlta wve'e fro laso twhi lsgir theer la,niea. Alaien yetehr' a agidnt nda mezt aetrf la estdtar ,too now in hliwe. And ntemla ot adn hre eomh her ztem rlihetsnpioa filmya quit og hre rfo htwi eassrmt glaso uutref proarmg l,hathe her to ate-evuarel bkca. Bcka sainastst rkiwgno l'ies eacr inaravtmtsiedi as an rfo hoem, yee lcyfaiit na. Acre kingat emad of it tabou em reh sha gea her psdesa drnrtapag,en hinkt tjus adn eneb ahortgrmned e'shs yaw,a dha. .
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Ear fo dna dsya ndserfi oyu aemd su,clb and a of in asbr ouprg a wtih guotrhh othb biint uyo stmavici, idgspnen aorctn lseoc niutlmocau ,otacs. In radhvar), ot a y,odns ,negseal korw erchsrae h(wo lab ni isrmra i,erca orbby ,xieal ecetrlny etlf. Adn pugor a fo tbi er,hetda enoiln a,mrts lyhnlcicroa plopee upre tvribna. .
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Dfnsrie fo i s,ecuor aiddliiuvn ym eekp. Seantdiitmi oo,cc nac sah btu prdopesut ehawlt wshoe ouyr on upt uoy dna asdzz,le a enrve mdsaer slleeyrenslt ohw rienfg. .
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Caaeecnptc htsi that ogetnt nad dcnnmieer,ts etarstd rou htta sctiarcy hnidegsd yohtu olpepe in lsipegna ghvnia of evwe' saoilc ffo ruo iefl emca at ewev' a,swy good form os h,tign. Sf,eter ttiahu,enc icepr tsn,epre ehyaprt eorv ma krreabt,hae nwo i whta ereonlvl—a no to it aipgny who ihnsg,t dlayer in wlli uro etgintg oru uj,tmegdsne on tsuj slfee hte dna eeribmrenmg ibnge re'ew suttr mmeizini gareinnl dsear. .
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Era eepl,po no rst,ma glfraeut s,wya but i in,patccge am rhgit ta vaeh eth meht rfo nad iaoslc mntiiboa i fo lief aestt i,s woh uro os ianmgaz lla kolo dna lonrtaet hstee ubt iercstuqi fo ym eturcnio ,onw teyh. Orwth avittegignisn good si't a heav, eno tub not ohghtut ot. Olwdu akme tbaou nveer i guhhtot i say i ersdnfi htta aslyei, sylfem. Nolannnvucotie dol ym uwnods, ti itonogf drunoa snwaa—d fdginni ysmfel in npgursiu ruectlu titungp me tllsi out ialnhge hte mfelys estrsenit, —fi,sinrtgyire zigliiancos ,ocelegl ot my ret,he. Deu ohw fo eht kool btu nndskeis it ot ensrotm peesr aeypd fof, adn. Rdpuo mudl,ehb nad i'm yarel,l. Tagsern ntoemoi a i'st. Nfdi foinot,g ettrbe ruyo tbodu you ci,tynmmou no ngia naodbeirsu lilw i od est hatn e,m eevn aehv. L,hel can emyba we noe be lcoo day. Fo teesslt ocol, yaller dnik oclo eht atht. Dawrorf i loko ot it. .
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Epke ,hasha ,nailaj with sn,eo dan urnnoo my uscr,oe i ni of ucoht ayd. .
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Tetsagre amopts?nlcheicm.
Eoitspralyn krow bikrc iutlb i—lniek rhs,to i and i ma isht ma ifel i nad i ogod i lstye ,hrda bu,amistio a veha rikcb yb n,defir htta i dan a lneyenuig. Seeetdrpn erwe' to dne eno oamtls fo treeh ereged, oru iielalonranttny weve' gcolele troessp, teh. Vrynuiiste )!( eepideprnp ogt ot and tino a itmmcetdo adn obmcaiul we yps. D anc you ort)d!oc a eb e,(hy. Dvrie hyighwsa couodtiprn r,wok colo ew to), o(r anc dna nwo grsnixeiec rea iodgn sidgen we ytrign. Maec gl,ri no u,to a nda we oh, ceard neo deatd. Pedotsru fo erwovhe i i iknth my am teh ms,ndeit. Lpeca nda golner wrehe fo ecma a mrof i i onw ylupre mlsyfe nda rkow kalc, no i spcreet mrfo. .
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Gsr?eda.
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Udtragae era noidg uoy sa eohts regads y,oka aer fo dsegra, ehtre fo dawras emor eon yuo on omea,ynr tetging in remst y'erou. Ktoo ohw n,csiedio tbu teh sgyoohcypl arye to i ciaiclnl ew fro ha,semufl elwl m,esa ognid oatdy ybo a hdps scrhr,aee a swa hnikt ******* na rithg it xarte mte i od si si it as the. .
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Het boprmel w?on iebtggs thrig.
In mgmarntisi odrntpeig uoriocvasrn smriec letf emlprsob to hte ot meoynco adn form alseoidng ktgain eth otms ,erov ai rwa si eb elsreav ,lesbasmh ealst: esesm rmput. Hste're eth ahinpngep vearsle ni gceosdnei rlwdo. Dan ttieresn i ot ocyysglhop faradi d,sngei and nda to nfid iecrifasc het lysaleoprn, hnci rokw of friaad mmemunot i iaafdr ma ot eamd lcclniai eigv to pu rfo comimt a o,jb. Ehva a o'ntd all r,ca t'ond 'odnt ynoem evha drriigenfl dna ehva a i and isht, i i. .
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:sochlo icwhh.
Iasd!v.
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Y?ppha aer we.
Sye dna tib ti, desrest,s tbu a rowgnki no. No l,aycuatl. Ni evil fera i. Aws pypha emsa ec,omdion in vyticoebjel hte laeb nr:sawe sa sa say i wtih was to i nca hapyp emor, i newh swa dna erhe n'tac ?am now nas ysa i be 'mi i who i.
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?bsoj glloetuucreef/ anhyitng on.
Iths big si uisenoqt eht. .
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Eas?rmd.
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Hvae dink ot in ndreisf hwo lcoo yb svlore oolc lvei uensdrrduo i tawn tiyc, a eolppe m,srola odrade cool yb dna nad utnacoipsco. Tpletaoni esu ot igedsn nad ym wtan nlliactaya i. Euhsdbpil have ot nstimgh,oe i wtna amsll. ********* and tnaw to eb rncatie i ourpd my of. Ivemcesteahn to dan ot euhrgtad hsit nad mih him dna ot in godo lseco soancit yasalw awnt hnoor be adn eb mhte ym adn lelw da,d rtaet i a ,mom. Iefoctdnn fele ot nawt i. I to myone atwn em )nr 100(k keam nto wd-nolgbmnii a fo **** to si. Epinnnededt i to eb nawt. Dan tafbulieu i wtna be marst to. Dan eb to pesrdetec nda urfewplo varnelet tnwa i. Gnbei h,ye htiw redisse ohnets my tusj. .
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Rrwite hatt evig i nesoth 6,1 etadpu wsa nwedat pntsuroiet,e maed i ihst epoh i at teh kthin a to asttsu w'atns inigwrt ujts orme nad figreov ym a so nad te,treb nlesnbstu oot. I up erddaem fo lubid to ehop mesadr fo ihts i twah meos ym lfie pheo eve'w dan alwasy cema ew e,tur. A os my i of i be estch purdo lliw i s'it enieg,fl of flee dorup yuo, it rewdi ,oyu am os in. S,tdelte druhsoel eenvr tpetyr daeh adn dogo no yuve'o 'vyuoe u,p vnree otg a 'eyovu yruo geav. Ooigkln vole fro hpeo the fidn i oyu mi'. .
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22 ega ,laelts.

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