A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Gsoe. .
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Ltils the heer ear srsac on ewre rnigrreef chvwieher oen uyo all yoru ,mra to,. Eitllt nebe i tlsli feromsar, tahe opeple a my nodw thiucnog tbu vi'e reobnk. Amtls,o i atht eth tpsa e,lar atth i my ernsmgibarsa of ta nid'dt nekw the hvae siht ubt own ot i ioteemssm erda vahe pinot nkthi i pssaeec eerw ilfe dilya enlifesg ehnt sa i romf nda klcuy my am hwen so. Qtui nwod tuc emyemisln okni,smg it 'naetvh hoguatlh i ei'v. Ym eemovntnnri i cseaebu hrateilhe hte fo iivlgn ma in is uecrtlyrn oynl sltliyeef. Stlil me ,ysda ymeoanr dsn'teo elef ciexet i iefl like dan semo. Alcl is ,erebtt it het nda uylsual tsju i hpoe htem dba oen ydas nda is tnex. .
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Emodv i nad ndid't wyaa kcab omec. ,htta ambye fkc,u ecaus nkthi wnter'e w'tnsa i egpnexcti yuo. Odluw 'vie ifle uoy wnke ea,rsy lettil thaw hotse lyeursiso tneka dan byeam 4 yuo rehe neeb a gmconi ssel saw 4 if hvea ryase,. Them drdusenh mrdaes wy,a ru,te nald ptry,oe yuo ti amde teh epsha fo oandtoncilniu ot dnfou of eth nad adem dna leov risdnef ni anlgo fo. Oplepe emda 4 twen lla iprt erew past ot nyma ese in so i so i no syra,e thwi to ahppy us os we pu eerfintfd ni nad the nrleycte owh ,outencisr eorpeu, emt aymn sfneird a. Aer ew oldve os. Ayaw rgnow was ouy snpoer dan wlak the ni lfel inave ot hitw oto evlo. Ew het oigknms dwe,e ifnd rdasett dgoin nad ugdrs humc lla uldoc oto gidkirnn. Onw atth ve'i lal uiqt. Sleson, ufck i saw tup a su horguht tbu ti ihsw reevn oodg smmiteeos i alryel htta. Ootk ot iemt get a gnol emos ,own it rseugglt to ltlis dysa adn i am i erewh abkc. Ssrca asrcs coem cmeo mtifeeil, eht humc a ie'v stla us to to taht dad ftle liwl cecapt no eth atth elki ofrm. Wtih gte veil hpeo eyrlal to i raeeis tyeh. .
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Iehwl yuo nda wsen riedt ogdo ouy tihw oevl lelf ilef breduli that, vnee oyru si, ferta ni upt tiwh up osenoem eht lal to uyo. Eesy aldi so eth nma stmo nodfu in oyu own seerarut gnfucki yuo het poenrs omrf is rdwol ommnet you ohmwsoe ,mhi hotra,ne no het dklie eno ,tho ttha yuo how or. I nawntig ti in,aga 'hse sthi oagln we'ertn ewnh but yuo of a ouy alinio,prehst oodg e,mit one ntahoer a eapdhnpe esprmio acme neo temh. Nrleta loes,ns rfo i su my. Hntik vhea l'lwe i ttrbee tshi fro rntaerp item i epke ihm a and dkaes oluc'dtn. .
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Dna sell musm' i'm ad'ds oru to dcdhoholi ot auotb ened don't ,precadle ehr aeyr tse cyr dnniertpeg eken glauh se'notd eriert nda ngigo i eh,mo hhwci os txne ehs. Was ofr acem yhet see rtahlgeu ohbt ehwn nmhot iv,tis tresa etreh a a meht i nda aog did nda. Mfro eth aeh,r i twah eesn 3 het rowdl hetm ntve'ha eysra rae gulohtha i iwht fo attse irgahtl ehotrrbs eth ni aslotm. Lil' be ghhtou mheo onos. .
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Rttdemone sha su ifle. Thgnsi ople,ep ayawls yase nloelaomt,iy but leyatmln av'hnet yoka nad dna not ttsa'h ere'w mtacrdai eenb. Esp,nor yaw as hhsiget os hhgis a swlo 'weve adn anlog hmcu rou wogrn dha nda swtelo eth. Ew ayalultc viled. Us ,lluf ogdo olsa eneb dna eifl to ahs. Teh peis,anls ,rmimeose lot teh ubt a ont dudsrnetan wno hcea slyrp,ingusir i rtbtee rea ads. Vahe ubt tahw on i shit o,ingd itlls eewr' idae awynay oygjinen msteioesm 'im. Tol teh neatk 'sit for a phat and eptroy, but tbi here adn si dnow fo a og shocoing hrtee feuurt nadl aderms ,lhpe won, ot it m'i of ni mti,e a nad of a. Leef teh rtpa i,s on oelngr oalne steb ew. .

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