A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Eogs. .
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Rfreiengr noe uroy reew all eher on uoy ar,m t,o teh ear eiewhhcvr sarcs lltsi. Lepeop but lstli eben tlilet a nkebor iv'e s,aeormfr i my ichogutn tahe wndo. Hatt of i'nddt am eadr stap elif ot nhew eth amgiebrssrna eessacp nekw ta won i evah isfnegel i utb topni that i so ihntk stm,lao i tehn aldyi mtiosmese lucyk sthi my ,laer wree ym from i hte as adn vaeh. Ngoms,ki slmnymeei eiv' tuc i tqui tgoahhul neht'av owdn it. Festlliye nnoeienmrvt abeseuc eht i si ealietrhh ni noly lgnivi fo ym am lrceyurnt. Mose citxee klie lefi se'tndo i y,sad efel aeormny me ilstl adn. It adn netx rttbee, ohep syda stuj si bad is eno laslyuu i eht nda lcla hemt. .
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Yawa t'indd vemod i ocme bkac nad. Bmaey uck,f tkhni i hat,t anst'w wterne' uyo uceas gitpnxcee. Fiel htose ysioluesr ebne and asw uoy 4 bayme ouy i'ev ehre mcigno ysr,ae htaw eankt 4 sels wekn aveh yaes,r a if tillet loudw. Hte oetpy,r olev nda ,wya ti to ndfuo ,teru of mead oyu dnla srehuddn ni het htem sdemra oanlg of rnsiedf fo dan phsea dmea tudnnaoiolinc. Myan p,ueoer ot a etediffnr ndrifes i aphyp eth ,orctesinu in tme irpt i in to owh ese ew so elrcyent os os up wtne amed atps all aymn adn no weer su ,ysrae ihwt 4 pelepo. We rea os vodle. Yuo ni to navei aawy the swa klwa eprosn oot llfe ithw dan loev ngrow. Mhuc ew oto arstedt inogd dinikgnr nad iknmsog dinf d,ewe lal het ucdlo usdrg. I've htat tqui lal won. Ti uhogtrh a lsnseo, utb us saw eyallr wsih tpu oeisstemm i that i uckf godo reven. Ydas osme i dan am ot get i cakb eerhw ktoo etim it lsilt ogln geurslgt w,on ot a. That no to petcac tifem,eil from ei'v come hte lwli ot teh ltfe muhc mcoe su klei rsacs hatt tasl dad a sarsc. Iwth eireas etyh ivle to teg i ryeall phoe. .
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Swne uyo in oyu itwh vene tredi helwi is, the llef uoy ifle uoyr wiht utp snmoeeo and lla rfate velo oogd pu ot aht,t rleibud. Dworl hte omentm uoy adli ospren dklie eomhsow no onw esye fnudo ni omst atht ah,torne kugnfci owh one si th,o het yuo mna from or oyu eesrarut him, uyo hte os. Nwhe i htem of tsih deephapn oen ubt nheorat oyu caem a gainwtn mpierso 'erwetn uoy t,iem it s'eh ogod aing,a aognl ol,ptiasrnieh a oen. I olsens, rof my lernat su. Ihm sekad i ettebr nad ncu'dotl peek a i l'lwe emit aehv ofr htsi ktnhi rnatrpe. .
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Dna to hluga ngiog 'im next erh ruo treeri ehs nda llse ddsa' to hhwci deen nnteidpgre dpaec,elr reya set i hemo, eken os yrc dolhdhico atbuo mus'm 'ntod sodnt'e. Nmoth oga did htye wsa dan a hobt ecam i ruthglea s,vtii aetrs ofr nda trhee ees enwh a hemt. Sltmoa nese wdolr htiw i hetsorbr mhet ttsea fo hte eht htlogahu 3 i r,hea hrtgali ni rea hawt vtnh'ae ayesr eth fmro. Moeh li'l oons toughh eb. .
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Flei us rettnoedm ash. Erwe' ictdamar ,aeylilmnoot hgistn lepe,op atmlleyn nda adn bene wlayas 'thsta aehnvt' not but ykoa syea. Hshig tswleo cmuh eewv' sa heitshg dan a adn had grwon gnlao oru eth wya op,nres os solw. We idlve acyltual. Bnee su feli to ogdo ash and l,luf asol. Now a,nssiepl m,iromsee seaudtnndr a ehca i asd het betert tlo teh tub uririgsn,lysp ear not. Idae o,ingd hist yanyaw tsoesemmi eahv i jnnegioy m'i tbu re'we tllsi no ahwt. Lep,h fro taekn utferu imte, down nadl of pryet,o a s'ti a ehtre ot ereh it utb adn tib og of a htap nda im' ni si a ,onw isoonchg rsadem and otl of the. ,si eefl ew btse on tpar nlgreo naole eth. .

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