A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Esog. .
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Csras lsitl on uroy uyo ewer ieechwhvr lla rfeegnirr the amr, to, oen rae hree. A ownd enbe arfs,omre i telitl ev'i heat oghnucti bonekr ym utb tslli peoepl. Eth dna erda ielf lcuyk adily ta hten otsseimem tbu won erew i i taht nkwe sa i gasriarmebsn a,erl 'ndtdi os tinhk i giefnesl my rmfo tpion ot ma ehav have atth fo taps amlot,s my whne i teh tihs acsesep. Uct onmsi,gk i down 'hvtnea enelsimym ve'i tuohhalg uitq ti. Eht ma gviinl in esitelfly fo si nmenvtoinre nlyo neclrutyr my eerhtalhi i uebsace. Me i kiel efli sday, efel listl dna rmyanoe seom s'nteod teixec. Epoh sady si ntxe luulasy adn i etbetr, eno jtus ti abd si and htme clal eth. .
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Int'dd adn domev eocm bakc i wyaa. Asceu 'wreent i ithkn bemya aswtn' itepxecng ukfc, uyo tt,ha. 4 less heav 4 eenb oilsruyse evi' here eatnk if oseth nda saw oigcmn ifel ludow ietltl enkw thaw a ouy re,ays ayemb ys,are uyo. Of ndla ot eth rt,peyo ootiluacdinnn u,ret rmdase dan fo hemt serdfin fo ouy vleo meda eht ni phase dame dshendru yw,a uofnd ongal ti and. Uer,oep ntcerely ni eewr os aymn fteriedfn in emda tme yae,rs 4 astp mnay up to went who a i lla iwht ptri so pyahp ew eht on us to ese i polpee so unc,trsoie nda frseidn. Levdo ew era so. Llfe uoy dna htiw norpse ot eth oot wnrog ni wyaa veain lwka velo wsa. Sikmong ndgrniik oto adn lla ursdg dfin lcudo het we detsart ucmh ndigo ,dewe. Nwo lla i'ev taht ituq. Hhtrugo i swa ti su i ostmseime atht a ishw oogd ukfc tup tbu lrealy snsl,oe enver. Nda i mose bkac wo,n a ti to i lurgsteg egt yads hreew am otok to lngo iltsl ietm. The el,imetif us coem no wlil rscsa taht ot cuhm dda racss from v'ie alst meco tfle to cpecat ttah eilk a hte. Aerlly rsiaee ihtw ot yhte eohp liev i egt. .
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,is oryu rdiet wnse eevn dan ot trfae lal oeeonms ielf in ouy ewihl eblirud hwti itwh yuo tpu ovle oodg flel oyu teh ttah, up. Het oyu hwo sorpne htta aldi uaterres or nh,oeatr oewmohs si own amn eth neo uyo hte nofdu ilked rmof uoy icfnugk os mnotme tsom ,him on ni ,tho drlow uyo esey. Etr'nwe gdoo mhet ti ormeips eno ang,ai a rtenoah one fo cmea i anntgiw iths a e'sh hewn pnepdhea hpnleiotiasr, uyo ongla mte,i utb oyu. I for my ntrlae us essnlo,. Orf mih 'wlle ncdlotu' dan mite nhkit brteet tshi haev i peke a renprat akdse i. .
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Gngio mi' uro rretei a'dsd nxet dan tuabo os tes ot odhohicdl a,ecdprel o,mhe erh lles auhgl adn i ot iwchh enke ndt'o ums'm ryea o'esdnt yrc esh rniedepntg eend. Nda a tmonh wnhe estra tmeh tuearghl sviit, asw idd dan btho oga a acem i ese for teher ythe. Era,h i of sene in rwdol htwa ear heatv'n rfmo thwi etmh haotlhgu attes eth 3 ihatrlg teh i eth msloat yaser rhretbos. Eohm li'l oons hothug eb. .
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Elif hsa nttreoedm us. Ntghis were' dna hs'tta ia,mtoylnoel and 'nhtaev eplpoe, bene akyo alasyw neatlmyl nto ubt ysae imtadrac. Epsn,or ihshg lsowet ruo gwnro nad hsgiteh os ayw a noalg cmuh nad v'wee oslw hte adh as. We catulyal vdeli. Hsa laso su ,lluf ifel adn odog eneb ot. Ton ahce a sad usipg,lyrsirn btu oem,resmi won eth aer ebtert lto i het snpsia,le nudedrasnt. 'ewre on anyawy igd,on evah ihts utb aide twah i'm lsilt ginnjyeo i temosiems. Wndo ti,me toepry, ibt go tol ti si is't ubt apht rehet a in igocnhso nad a won, ofr eth reeh im' ot dsmare a furtue adn ntkae aldn fo fo p,hel of adn a. Teh s,i tapr relnog on sbet onael efle ew. .

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