A letter from March 24th, 2020

Peaceful right?

Dear Future Me, i hope you're in your dream college today and everything is not in quarantine. Also hope you're able to read randomly thousands of books, watching endlessly tv-series and hear your parents how much they can't wait you to come back home to İzmir for holidays. I just checked the part i wrote now and i realize how formal it is smh.(göz deviren emoji burası) Whatever, everything is not so perfect right now, i am hoping to study more hard the rest of my last 3 months to THE exam in quarantine, make better results on denemeler and going to win an excellent university ve allah rızası için şaşırtmak my teachers be. Valla geri kalan zamanım için 12. sınıfım çöp olmuşa benziyor, mezuniyetimi bile görmeden ve balo elbisemi giymek için zayıflamadan koronadan ölebilirim ya da en kötüsü zayıflayınca bunların hiçbirini yapamayabiliriz. ALLAM LÜTFEN 2020'de EXCELLENT ÜNİVERSİTE YARABBİ. Nys. -öhöm- For now that's all i can say and i really really hope you're feeling soo beautiful and actually are, comfortable with yourself cause you showed your real potential abilities actually to yourself and so happy (cause i need to be right now), that you forget your 19th birthday because YOU ARE SO **** HAPPY TO REMEMBER. I hope i laugh at the situation i am in right now in your day, show this e-letter to my new friends or recent ones to make them laugh and be even more happy. Also, maybe you're in contact with Beyza, Rabia, İclal, Yaren and Gökçen. Maybe you're not. Maybe you met Asude again. Maybe you lost one of them. It doesn't matter, try contact and thank the rest please. Even if they don't know it well, they made your life better in so many ways you know. If you don't, know it. Because your life wasn't so easy (maybe because of your thoughts or the situations you're in) and won't be easy at 18 if you're alone. Make 19 better for yourself. Eat sushi, secretly hate it. Drink as much as you can. PLS CHANGE UR STYLE. Learn a new language. Improve yourself. Try everything you want. Don't dissapoint your 8-year-old-self like i did. Please love yourself. Don't push to crush even if things go wrong. Kendine de iyi bak, soğuktur oralar. PUT SOME CLOTHES ON LİKE YOU SAY. Burası pek soğuk olmaz, alışmışsındır. But make a snow angel for me and the 6 years you couldn't. Smell this message, i am sooo sure it'll be smell like cologne from my quarantine days. HAPPY BİRTHDAY. SANA LOTS OF DEZENFEKTAN YOLLUYORUM, METRO TUTAMAÇLARINI TUTTUKTAN SONRA KULLANIRSIN. Değerimi bil. byü.

Epilogue

almost 4 years later

Dear past me,

Somehow, in 2021, I didn't reply to this letter. I think it was waiting for me to answer it today.
The horrendous days of quarantine ended in...

2,210 xarle cna uoy.
To vlie ruo eor,yman snpatre eovmd zmiri̇ ȧutislnb ni arye hte alucalyt eascebu e,oglecl trasetd i we d'ont. .
Kitkne tgo hee'sr ot in ,nihgt ouy lıydız ,osoo teh. Not tbu aepnph eingaim evne ouwdl hte ti uoy ot tnihsg in was. . . . In ydisugnt three yru'eo aselgunga. Know ?awht earneld uyo nad ouy hrcfne.
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Tiwh 'tduclon a rye'ou ot rodm no teh from og moro ni pomr ecaf emisl ncefra rwite oryu onigg ubt ot asd oryu oyu hits.
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Efrnteuq eht ni fo uoer'y ocntatc you htink iwht sa ton as bvoae amsen yan. Hmte one even olst yuo fo. Eusgdse gtirh ): htta.
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Ni you afcnre dunlt'oc het wneigdd aerny tog ,armdire to bcs erwe oyu go.
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Sloec nui a ̇acill pacel to is hes fe,in sah. Uyo of got heca the uoy esbt seugs ubt wtih niu eoms tow hetm ayd teh soethr eth esma be ldu'wto htta fo heert tino ouy tdlno'cu rnedfi.
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Gnkeöç dgoo si. Seouh hes a erdnet ni ğluam. She sesdtiu uuktt hetre hiwt. Uoy oy,rsr di'tdn utb mete tye ihm. Oems utb yda ceosl.
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Rmi̇iz dsetusi ni rbaia. Ubt teraf ontccta reh 'ncodtul ouy ̇riizm veela got in ouy yrueo' gaian to see.
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Dseua uyo ady lwil ese oen utallacy. Bnige iwll olbw a aftc ruoy i htis teb idnm. I igomcn teseh ese nditd' oyu wkno.
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It nwok be uṡntabil glakint nda ehnw mihgt i isad btuoa uyo oldc reew uoy. But su iasd iayipslfccle adn dael epalc i ouy eerh ebleiev ,mean t'dnitd hatt nya. Ernfca eth nudre to weerath an rternhon oezr fzengier htwi. Odcl naercf cmuh w?f???t be to ni os its' aeubecs in and enric.
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Ppanhe sgtrulesg. Dhnppeea htye ryase tsla 5 ni teh. Ppeleo drfetli hda,r tub dah iwht nmay ynma you kwdreo mnay too odawsrkenb. Edicr nad yuo to theeri stlo stlo of you utb rptasei tenw. Uoy ot you of estb asd 'ltuondc hwti ruoy ucroytn utb mvode neo deb ploeep lsoa eathorn uoy mmte,ieoss of srnedfi os tou otg edam. Yte d'otn oyu kwno erh ouy nad even wnko wath ?angia. Oruy ton thsi rmesad, nvee is itr?gh in ni.
Inthk i as it trhwo tbauo yuonrtc a ueasbce nggoi utrsoti dton' uyo evne to nkow rhnatoe nd'to ouy. .
Eth ,is nihgt wtrho oyu ti. H,ktin rofeluys uoy eevn o'yull ryrow nhat olve meor nd'ot. .
Oyru r-odfa-ly-se8le lkei vedbeile you iipnodsast di'tntd yuo. .
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Ehdta usesg veyr i ritde yuo lpicyul,b uyo ti ,uhsis. Seeubca uoy sdmdanocl' reatf psoh shuis teh ot tnwe rnae het ttha. .
Htsolce lil' sown emos sono i for sa tpu elar freat thkic i y,uo nac sa kaem a elgna no. Nca hree i me i (>: ti iwth caesueb lltsi sell ge,oncol lemls ehre eth asol yhet rhotgbu rnlvtayoiul ti ond't nesic.
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Nda doog wsa layls,t 19. Oyu 8 adme 91 ewn ta drefsni. Oot ilek eesl no uoy eno edehlp yteh did. 22 si wo,n euory' eocsl 23. And reou'y ssulelce oyersufl ieovrpm butoa file frsid,ne imgkan enw llsti rty o'urey tllis to. Ntghi yu'voe billuapes ese btu the cuhm lu'yol 'tsaht omts lt,fe reve revy.