A letter from June 30th, 2019

Dear FutureMe, But anyway, I'll put to words my new goals. I'll increase my value in the market. I'll learn cooking delish meals. I'll master the languages I've been learning 笑。 I'll open the hidden art materials in my room (e.g. Watercolor). I'll also learn crotchet and cross stitch. I'll master the piano, and try to learn guitar or ukulele. I'll resurrect and refine my friendly self. I'll truly reach out and genuinely fellowship others again. I'll stop chasing after romance. Once again, I'll patiently wait, not seek or chase anymore (dalagang pilipina ye). I'll also do my best to truly stick to my habits. I'll strive hard to be the queen of consistency. That being said, mag exercise najud ko regularly dapat and healthy eating. I'll also be a true intellectual. Reading good books and actively learning new things and areas of knowledge. I'll also cultivate my motherhood. I'll develop the necessary skills that will make me a good wife and mother (as awkward as that sounds lol). Time is running out after all. And finally, I will choose to be happy. I may not achieve these goals immediately. I may err and be in a slump at times. But once that happens, I will immediately pick myself up and try again. I won't pressure myself with all the mistakes I've done. I'll be easier with myself but not to the point of being passive. I said all that partly because he's nearly coming back. I have to be able to stand a chance with my rivals too. I don't want to lose a fight without standing a chance. I love you Shayne. I'm sorry for this handicap. Nevertheless, do all these for yourself and to please the Lord. You are now equipped with the knowledge of what to do. Turn this handicap into a strength. Know that the seemingly small bad habit we've been doing results to this wickedness. That shows the magnitude of our small actions. Engrave that in your mind and heart so that you will never do it again. I will deal with the aftermath. The very great challenge of addiction. I love you so love yourself too.