A letter from October 19th, 2018

Dear Future Bangtan, BTS is probably the only group I know for sure I'll still stan after 7-8 years. It is really thrilling and overwhelming that I'll be reading this back after 7 years... First of all, I want to start off with how it all started. I was just an ordinary girl with no passion at all, living her life not knowing what to do the next day and not realizing that her life was pretty messed up. In my life, I've never been that social or extroverted. I was the shy girl who never really spoke up. People had silenced my voice with judging and critisizing me. It didn't bother me at first, but as time went by, I noticed that I felt different from other people. All of this basically started when me and my family migrated back to The Netherlands. I won't ever blame my parents for trying to give us a better life, but I didn't know anything about the country and had to start a new life at age 7. Even though it doesn't sound that bad, I was still shy girl and isolated myself completely from people. Even my own family. I wouldn't tell them anything about what was going on with me. So after some years living here, I got used to it all and thought this is it. The summer vacation in 2016, when I was 14, my little nieces introduced me to anime. At first I thought it was really childish and cringey. I didn't bother watching with them, but the storyline they told me about was pretty interesting, I liked it because I am also a bookworm. So after the summer vacation I remembered it again, it was probably also the time I was feeling really insecure about myself. I just needed something to distract myself from reality. It sounds funny, but anime actually helped get through difficult times. I was diagnosed with depression and social anxiety, so anime (and later KPOP too) was a coping machine for that. I could distract myself from my difficulties and fantasize about things thst I couldn't do in real life. My first anime was My Little Monster. The storyline was my all time favorite. I loved it and started to watch other ones too. Like: AOT, Tokyo Ghoul, Noragami, Fairy Tail, Kimi No Nawa, Silent Voice, Spirited Away. Because I loved anime so much I also followed them on social media. This is how I found out about KPOP: One day I was scrolling through my feed on instagram, and I came across this video from a KPOP group (it was probably GOT7). I got really interested and I knew they were not speaking Japanese so I got really curious about it. I found out about it on Wikipedia, because I didn't know anything about music at all, I never heard about KPOP. On Wikipedia I found the "Popular Groups" and I noted them all on a paper. After some time I watched some of their videos on Youtube but one girlgroup really amazed me. The first group I ever stanned was BLACKPINK. I loved the music video, the visuals, the dance... It was their debut music BOOMBAYAH. I thought there couldn't be anything better than this. Later, I found a music video on Youtube from a boy group that was also written on my paper. I watched their music video and literally fell in love. It was so energetic, the visuals were beyond words and the dance was the most powerful I had ever seen in a music video. Also, the meaning behind it meant a lot to me. It was the group BTS, with the music video Not Today. Because it was still difficult to recognize all the faces I had to spend some days memorizing their names etc. I watched AHL, Rookie King, Bon Voyage, Run series, their VLIVE's. After knowing their names and faces I knew my favorite was Min Yoongi. I noticed him first when watching Not Today for the first time and he was the definition of perfect in my eyes. They all are. Ever since then, I got happier, though my life wasn't the best I smiled when I saw them. Because of them, I learned a lot of things, like general knowledge, books, quotes, meaning behind the words I never heard of before, the world, celebrities, music genres, mental illnesses, self worth, and the people. Because of BTS, I learned how to face myself, my problems and the people around me. Because of BTS, I learned to love myself. That was the hardest thing in my life. I never thought I'd be happy with who I am today, but here I am, accepting myself with all my flaws and mistakes. I love myself because there is no one else but me who knows me and stays with me forever. Because of BTS, I learned to speak myself, I have a voice and I'm able to give my own opinion. I am not scared of critics and I can defend myself. BTS helped me get through the hardest times and I'll always be thankful for that. Their messages through their music and genuine love for their fandom ARMY made me realize that I should not give up. I got better in time, and now I am accepting me. When the world tour love yourself dates got announced my heart skipped a beat, because they were also coming to the Netherlands. It was the first time they'd ever come to Europe for a concert. It was also on Jimins' birthday which made it more special than it already was. Luckily I got the tickets, it was on 1st of June at 9:00 AM on a Friday. I went to the concert with a very good friend of mine, Melda. Because it was my first concert ever I was so nervous and happy. The concert was definitely the most beautiful moment in my life. I'll never forget that experience. I made a lot of friends because of BTS too. Right now, it is Friday 19 October 11:03 AM, I didn't really get much sleep because it's Autumn Vacation so I'm really tired. I'm laying in my bed, with the thought that I'm going to be with BTS for 7 more years. This is a first time ever for a KPOP group and I am so happy for this. I wasn't there when they first started, but I'll always stay with them 'till the end. I remember the time when I saw them winning their first daesang, heir last Wings Tour concert, the tears we have all shed because of sadness and happiness. A wave of emotions, the hate we are still getting from people. The success and recognition they gained. All the achieved things no group or person ever did. The first comeback I witnessed. The feeling when I saw them in real life for the first time. When they noticed me jumping around. When BTS held a 7 minute speech at the UN for the youth, when they won their first BBMA and AMA award. All of them. I remember all of them. I actually don't know what to tell them because words can't be enough to express my love and respect for these seven boys. Maybe the most simple and meaningful one: I love you. I purple you. I'll be reading this after 7 years, when I'm 23-24 years old. I don't know what my life will be by that time, but I'll embarce it all. I love myself, I love BTS.♡