A letter from September 28th, 2018

Dear FutureMe, Happy birthday!!!! Today was a Friday, unlike on your 18th birthday it isn't an anniversary of the birth of your favorite person then, but instead, it is the .. 25th .. anniversary of your father's passing, this isn't a sad occasion trust me, it is a reminder to make him proud, he was a gentleman, he was a janitor and he raised a doctor, yes i agree, he didn't "bring you up" in the literal sense of the word but he raised you, he passed his genes to you, his prayers, his love still surrounds you, it never left you. it is 6:30 am, I am in my dorm room, eating chocolate oatmeal, no I wasn't yet a morning person I've actually been awake since yesterday afternoon, I couldn't sleep for some reason it doesn't feel bad though, not like those insomnia nights, yesterday was beautiful, I called my three sisters and the day before called grandma and I went to Warsaw to meet the cultural attache... remember when I used to call him a counselor? XD , when he learnt I was an orphan he was kind of touched, he said consider your problem solved. Was it solved? During these times of your life, you were listening to lots of audiobooks, interested in wholeness, spirituality, decluttering and minimalism, your room looked beautiful, you had a coffee maker, a grinder and a milk frother, your second coffee maker was on its way... are you still in love with coffee? A book you were listening to "Kick Ass for Mel Robbins" made you think you might be suffering from childhood PTSD, this explains the dreams..... are you over it yet? if not, I need you to know, I'm never going to give up on you, your health, mental and physical, your dreams, your heart, you deserve a clear heart and remember that no matter what, she exists the one who could and did wash it when it wasn't so clean .. ask her to do it again, I hope you are more connected to her than I am now, she is your father's wife, you were born a daughter to him weren't you? does this make her your mother? genetically she might really be... but do you allow yourself to think of her as your mother? I know you might feel you don't deserve this but who are you to judge? God wouldn't have created you with all your circumstances and gifts if he didn't see potential in you, remember Kintsugi? Embrace your golden scars, you are all so precious to me... I trust that you'll make good decisions and take good care, I love you Regards, past you