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A letter from September 7th, 2018
I don't exactly know how old you are at the moment, but you have to be around 20. Let's say you are 20. People may think that not so much can change for 2 years, but I know a lot has changed. I'm 17 right now /18 after one month/ and I'm so confused. There are just so many things that are supposed to happen but they are not happening. And I'm so ready to get out of high school and move on with my life but I'm just stuck in the summer between junior and senior year /it's actually fall tho/ and AAAH! Okay, maybe the anxiety of becoming an adult is getting the best of me. But here are a few things I want to say to you.
First, I hope you are still a good person. I hope you can still control your emotions and don't let them control you. You've always been kind, calm, shy and reserved person. And everybody knows that. You've always been an introvert. I don't think you've changed.
Yayy, you've finally gotten out of high school! Well, at least I think so. Don't tell me you haven't graduated, please! High school was such a boring and horrible time of your life, I just don't know how you are going to survive one more year there. I really, from the bottom of my heart hope that you are in Medical School. This was your dream since you were a child, I hope it has finally come true. You studied a lot, sometimes you wanted to cry and sometimes you cried. That's how stressful it was. But it's worth it. I hope you've been accepted in the university you wanted. But even if you are in one of the other two, it's still an achievement you have to be proud of. I know it was a hard journey and you were doubting yourself all the time. I just want to tell you that I believe in you. You are stronger and smarter than you think. Just, please, don't quit. It would be so devastating to give up on your biggest dream. You deserve the white coat, you deserve to be happy, you deserve to see yourself getting there. And even if you weren't accepted, it's okay. Don't be ashamed of yourself. You did the best you could do. I'm sure you are studying something else related to medicine. And I'm kinda sure that you will try again next year. I mean, why not?
Did you get your driving license? I mean, you sure did, but after how many fails? OMG, did you get it after the first try?! I really need reasurrance that I'm a decent driver right now. My theoretical exam is in the upcoming week and I'm scared. I'm even more scared about the practical one. It's going to be tough. I bet when you think about these days you laugh. I mean, our driving instructor is so funny I can barely remain serious when we have driving courses. I really hope you finally learned how to push the clutch. Oh, this clutch. You'll remember it forever, trust me. But, please, pleaseeee buy an automatic car. It'll save you so much stress. And, again, I remind you that you are smarter and more skilled than you think. Give yourself some credit, girl!
Okay, so.. I am dying to know if you've met "the one". You know, this guy you've been dreaming for all you life. As you know, you've been single since you remember. Yep, you've never had a boyfriend. And here we are, at the beginning of senior year.. all alone. I don't know, maybe you have found someone in your last year of high school. I really doubt it. It's like you are cursed to be alone forever. But, don't worry. I'm sure you'll find the one. And currently I, /you/, am still getting over my crush. Do you remember? The summer between sophmore and junior year? The tall boy with the cute smile? Did you laugh? Cause, I'm telling you, it was NOT funny in all these moments you cried, looking at your phone, staring at him and his girlfriend while they were having good time together. And every time you walked past them as they were talking and laughing and something inside of you just .. hurt. Yes, I think you remember. It was horrifying. It was damaging for you. And, again, you were doubting yourself and you were asking yourself why you weren't enough. You wondered what was that you didn't have that she did. You were just.. broken. You hated yourself and you hated him for the way he treated her.. and not you. Yes, you were jealous. But, no, you were not a bad person. You were just hurt. And you didn't know how to deal with that. It was someting new for you. You were scared. This was probably one of the worst moments of your life. But you got through it. You did it. You proved once again that you are strong. So much stronger than you think. And you are enough. And you are loved. Your mum, dad, your big brother, your grandparents and your friends, these people love you so much you can't even imagine. Please, always remember that. And when it comes to the boy with the cute smile.. It wasn't meant to be. Maybe he was not what you were looking for. And I'm sure you realise that now. And maybe you will be together some day, who knows. But on the bright side, all the pain you experienced showed you how good writer you are. You couldn't take it anymore so you grabbed a pen and your journal and you wrote something.. wonderful. And touching. And since then you started writing more. You learned that to be a good writer you have to pour all you feelings on the paper in front of you. That way you empty your soul from all the hurt and the negative feelings and you turn them into something beautiful.
This letter is getting so long, I really should stop. There are just so many things I want to tell you! But the most important thing is - love yourself. Even when you wake up and see your frizzy hair and your sleepy face, love yourself. Even if it's one of those days when everything is just not right and your stomach is bloated, love yourself. Even if someone tells you what they don't like about you, love yourself. Don't let people bring you down, you've been through this and it was not fun. Stand up for yourself, don't let anyone treat you the way you shouldn't be treated. Be yourself - laugh at everything, wear whatever you want /mostly jeans and sneakers/ and obsess over cats. Just be you. Cause you are beautiful just the way you are.
I hope you don't forget your home, now that you are living in a big city. I hope you don't forget your high school and your friends, and even the boy with the cute smile. I hope you don't forget how you listened non-stop to Eminem and waited for his response to the diss that MGK threw at him /and you knew it would be epic!/. I hope you don't forget all the pain you've been through and all the tears and all the doubts you had, because these things make you the person you are now. And I'm sure if I see this person right now, I'll be proud.
*And just want to give some credit to myself here. This is for you, almost 18 years old confused girl. For learning to read, write and speak English so good, as your second language. *
Sent 2 years to the future from September 7th, 2018 to October 9th, 2020
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