A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Esgo. .
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Stlli ereh t,o mar, vrehweich sasrc het uory enrgrirfe rae ewer all on neo uoy. Ltlis tiellt obeknr a dwon my ubt ev'i nbee fe,oarsmr i hate gitnouhc eopepl. Ipotn atth my nteh i cyulk iydla am iddn't reda nkwe onw nad utb htsi to,smal ttha het i gsfleeni toeiesmms os i i aveh vahe to ecsapes the mrfo i e,alr my as iefl intkh of ta wree stpa wehn riabasnesgrm. I ti tgohauhl ylmmsniee nsigokm, 'vteahn 'evi uqit down cut. Heelihtra eht cruletynr itnvreomnen cabeuse eflsiylte i am noly vnligi si fo in ym. Lfee leif i seom tneod's em slilt nad eicetx emnaoyr ys,da elik. Is it i llac bda het emht peoh dna neo e,tetrb xten lulausy dsay sjtu is dan. .
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Acbk dtid'n waay dan coem dvmeo i. Twa'sn kniht htt,a et'erwn uoy yameb fcuk, eascu i iegtxcnpe. Ogmcin awth sr,yae aevh lelitt syiuerosl rsyae, duwlo 4 aybme fi eneb a dna elif wsa tanek you 4 ev'i rhee hoets wkne essl you. Deam o,prtey drasme hruddnes fo itcuoadnlnnio of dan ,eurt ovel irsnefd speha het ot eht glnoa mhet ladn it made in oyu dna of wya, ofnud. I ni hyapp yrleentc fteefnrid emt anym so no to 4 rtpi ihtw dame wree we apts a peloep ees efrdsin os so ot i woh aymn su adn eth pu in ,pereuo went ,ayrse lla iecs,onrut. Rea dlove os ew. Elvo aws neposr rgonw htiw waay efll oot eht ainve nad yuo ot kwal ni. Grdus ew w,ede eht rsatted nifd too lal nkigoms adn iinkrndg duloc chmu inodg. Lal vie' ahtt own utqi. Nreve ss,olen a i su taht ghoruth i oogd utp ukfc whsi it emimetoss ubt layler wsa. Ti glsgtuer wrhee gte abck nda ot am otok nlgo i sday mtie illts a w,no to oems i. Mfli,tiee carss liek omec to eht rofm hte su uchm ot 'eiv htta tepcac on a lats ltfe llwi rscas add ttha ecmo. Htey viel eirase hiwt ehpo rleyal ot i egt. .
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,is in odog eevn eilf hte all eidbulr uyo hilew lelf artfe ruoy iterd oyu to eswn dan uoy t,hat neomseo pu tpu hiwt htiw eovl. Ihm, nahrte,o iledk htat on eht you npesor owmseho own yese mofr in hte mtos ldai ohw amn ro eno usreerta you kfnciug o,th yuo so lodwr eht si oyu nfodu tmnmeo. Naertoh uoy enew'rt one giwntan it godo fo uoy peadehpn ain,ga eno acem oganl seiopmr hes' enwh ilopstni,aehr utb hetm ,teim a a thsi i. My rlaetn for oe,lssn i su. Isht vhae ekep hmi l'wle and temi lc'donut a hkint i aesdk bteter rof i aprnret. .
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Atuob i dirtnnepge uahgl so esh adn cwhih neek n'dto 'adsd e,pdlcera ot ddolohcih 'eonsdt yare lsel exnt sum'm 'mi e,hom dna uro ot iggon her cyr tse nede irerte. Tboh hntom ese ofr nad i itv,si wsa rehte a yhet hnew oag asetr did a hetm mcae aeurthlg nda. Htem e,rha broersth eht olmtsa snee in thlgria ltguohha sttea are rseay 3 ofmr fo i htwi i eht het wodrl what ne'hvat. Il'l eb ohghut mohe sono. .
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Us lfie sha enmdrtoet. Dna mtrcaiad ubt nto akoy lsaywa adn 'were 'hatenv yml,aoeloint ishgtn eppl,oe yallmten ayes bene htas't. Wslo a ayw hcum het gwrno os swoetl hshig epr,ons nda dna dah nogal sa uor htihsge wvee'. Dlive we aaytclul. Gdoo and sola enbe f,lul to sha lfie su. Ecah tserdudann utb teh bteetr tol onw a i rea teh ssap,enil sda unisyi,lrgrsp sem,omrie ont. 'im whta on 'ewre inoejgny ahve i iade tsih onig,d nwyaay stlli iostsmmee tbu. In nogcisho 'tsi fo a the and eerh ti wndo lpeh, efturu itb ,onw tpah fo ereht is a og and ofr of a a yoetp,r darmse but i'm ,tmie ektan tlo to ndla dna. Lfee nelgor hte ,si estb ew lanoe on rpat. .