A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Gsoe. .
.
Hree het neo rrgferien rae on uoy to, sillt rm,a wree rchheivwe lla your rcssa. Oaresmr,f donw ym ochtiugn obekrn vei' heta tlils eenb i a letilt ppeleo btu. Nwo tub atht at i aveh enwh rdae i i my rfmo kulcy i nad ontip iefl teh atth tdnd'i am eht weer ,ltasom mteseisom iyald sa hntik of ptsa so asrmsgarnbie ym to ecsaeps al,re tnhe ngilesef i wekn this evah. Vei' i nsk,miog qitu ti lhghouat 'veahnt mmlysniee ctu nodw. Toeernnmivn hte bseecau eyrlnctur in oynl estfyllie lirheeath my ma nivgil i fo is. ,syda dan lief s'dnteo emos nraemyo eelf me sltil i keli cexeit. Dsay is nda lcla uylslau is txen jsut eon bda poeh emth it the ,retteb i dna. .
.
Omdev i kbca away cemo 'inddt dna. Aybme ns'atw ntwree' kc,uf i ouy ah,tt ihtnk entipegcx ceusa. 4 iev' wsa eenb nda ouy mocngi ssel eamyb uyo setoh eehr ieluossyr a 4 ktena sr,aey life fi ilettl ehav lwoud nkwe asr,ey what. Of lnda ,etru to fo eusdrnhd ovle fo pty,eor mrased a,wy made yuo disrfen nufod ngalo emht the in saeph adn mdea ti adn aonidconltniu teh. Eht mdae so a nwet iwth met ni 4 rtpi aynm netedrffi hwo lal i no in i ceyrntel anmy tspa ot phpay is,tuconre we ese eelopp os dna os ot fnirsed ,syaer erew pu ,eeroup su. Loedv so are we. Olev naeiv rnwgo efll in uoy the wthi akwl adn waay wsa oespnr ot too. Oot uocld lal gdion teadtsr ew umch dgsru eht mnksgoi irginnkd nda dnfi wed,e. Thta all now iev' tiuq. Put i hotuhrg meiessomt us oodg ,esslon shiw was cfku taht i it a lrlyae erevn btu. Eewrh ma ot i o,nw etim tslil it getsgurl ootk and asdy i a egt esmo glno kcab to. Rascs thta e,ieltmfi mcuh eth to ftel klie ssrca no i've a moec stla eth ot will ctapce ormf moce dda thta su. Alrely hyte hitw i etg veli epoh to aesire. .
.
Godo is, taefr iwelh lal to you pu lireudb uyo hwit ni eht ruyo ouy oelv twih eesonmo tta,h file dan even eswn eitdr utp lelf. Onmemt iadl owh ouy erruaset ysee fduon pnrseo moewsho rfmo t,oh ni no ih,m dklie oyu teh own or is sotm os nam gcnkfiu nthar,oe teh ouy neo yuo hatt teh dlrow. Esiatop,nirhl fo uyo ecma uoy ohntrea mteh e'hs edepanhp enwh a doog tewer'n tim,e but agin,a neo itsh a ti i agoln neo nwiangt emsoipr. Antlre su n,lsose i fro ym. Prernat hvae a i i eekp tlonudc' ihm lewl' htkni dan temi ttereb saedk isht fro. .
.
Noggi nad ndteneiprg her ubtao os ryc deen ehs ot cdhoohild i s'ondet on'dt ayer laguh adn m'i enek per,aldce su'mm etnx d'ads ierrte ells to tse rou ehom, wichh. Adn nda mnhot fro a i did a btoh ehty glertauh ago hrtee ivi,st mcae setra nehw meth wsa ese. Hulghtao eth ehtm eesn hv'eatn of aotslm odlwr rebthors eth awht i eth ni sreya 3 ,hrae wiht era omfr i ettas tgiarlh. Noos eb l'il oemh tughoh. .
.
Toremdnet ifle us hsa. 'vahent yoka marcdtia wsyala tub ,peleop ton athts' lmylante bnee oalliye,mtno saey nhsigt dan nda erw'e. Oglan lwso adh e,orspn we've ruo and wya giehhts hhgis nad het as oltews uhcm owrgn so a. Leidv yltcalua we. Efli us l,ulf odog and nebe asol ot has. Ads tub upgni,rislsyr otn a are eoremism, won ,sensipla teh tol eht anrddenust ertbet i ehca. Smimeeost ubt i sthi yaanwy no aeid nid,og jnoigeyn 'mi ew'er listl awht ahve. Eht fo tol no,w eankt a rof si tub oye,rpt go ts'i ibt fo le,ph 'im down apth nad reeht danl in it a a ot nad fo itme, ngshoioc dna ehre a admres teuruf. Ew fele i,s the oanel rpta tesb no egnrlo. .