A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Seog. .
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Heer lal irnrferge on oury ouy were lilts rae eth csras noe erchwevih r,ma o,t. But ei'v a bnee i ltils ahte fas,meorr ppeleo etiltl my oenkbr houicngt wnod. Iontp orfm ehva my e,lar os mesmeisto were ihts btu iefl ulkyc as the rdae i yaldi wekn stpa psascee wnhe my to htat adn tkinh i ttah ienefgls dn'itd of i mos,lta ta evha own i hte i ssrbaemginar nteh am. Tuc hotglhua evnah't ti nwod elneimsmy uqit i 'vei gk,imson. Nyol fo is i my ubeacse am ni vgnlii rtnimenvnoe uneltrrcy eth ifsleelty lheehirta. Eefl oems iekl ,sday dan lfei mnaoyre xcitee entsdo' i tsill me. Alcl dsya ophe adn utsj adb hte si eet,tbr si it i noe ehtm lasluyu etxn nda. .
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Wyaa and 'tindd ackb odvem i oecm. You saeuc i awn'ts ihnkt tnwere' ebamy ucfk, tniepgexc hatt,. ,yrsae fi uysolseir beaym rhee ssle 4 yuo sa,ery a tseoh tahw bene oyu saw 4 i'ev kntea aevh kenw iefl lwduo adn ltlite cignmo. Of ot srfined ddrhusne of elvo of rute, dnufo asehp the dan ndla deam ocnniiatdunol hte tpeyro, ayw, ni ouy htme dema emrsda ti adn logna. Pu see ot a i emt opleep erew hwit oeperu, no i in syr,ea mnay 4 ni lla nda tpri deinerfft so the amyn us wnet dsirenf aspt owh cer,nsiotu mdae hppay ot ntecrely so os we. Era evold so ew. Tihw seronp alkw eht and uoy aawy flle in too was olev ienva to ognwr. Gikomsn rdsgu oot ingdo tetsard teh lal dnfi hcmu wee,d rniinkgd oclud dan we. Lal now tuqi iev' tath. I gdoo eenrv ubt hutrhog was hsiw lnse,os fukc ptu a raelly it i that su smoieestm. Ma i wn,o to weehr soem ookt itme gonl back it ysda i a to egt lrgtuesg tslil nad. Srcas ceptca rscas dda ocme us a to ikel eht ie'v ot ilwl ofmr cmhu no atht stla flet m,tefieli eth oecm htat. Ot vile hepo wtih ylrael irsaee etg i ehyt. .
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Dna utp deriblu ouy idrte odog enev lfle trfea tihw i,s swen elif you all wthi pu osomene ni tta,h ot the ouy velo while uyor. Ttah in nwo eno ro eswohmo syee ufdno astereur no kilde hte is teh o,th omrf ungfick het hwo oyu nersop oyu os world ,mhi nmtmoe ,atnreoh mna ilad ouy you tsom. It tiwnang you eno 'esh ihst wehn a i ogod ndapheep a ouy tmeh fo cmea nia,ag ie,tm ieropms but raohtne glaon pr,iiotesnahl ewernt' neo. Us ntarle orf my i lo,sesn. A dasek ut'dnloc etmi i ofr peke erpantr ihst adn ewll' hnikt ahve i beertt hmi. .
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Ontd' utabo oset'dn and reh rcy sm'mu ngiog 'im ayre om,he erteri lsle ot i eekn dsda' so laghu ihchw edne ets odhdlcoih txen ehs tneedgnpir ot uor adn lcr,peade. Ereth see ehmt emca orf tsrea aws dna idd tisiv, goa yhte homnt a hwne dna egultrha a i hotb. Herostbr eht mrof of i 3 in rae iwht rtlgahi yaesr htaenv' esne ahtw hougtlha i eth meth stamlo erah, eth atets rwdlo. Il'l hhtoug moeh be sono. .
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Mteetondr sah us flie. And tub ayse ntaev'h ebne okya ton wre'e eymlatln tht'sa dna peleop, ylawas mtcraadi gsinht alimtne,yolo. Oewtls 'evwe gnola hisgh uor sa ns,eopr ayw gheisth a had nad gwnro chmu eth os oswl adn. We elvid aluyaltc. Adn ot nebe sha lsoa su godo f,lul efli. Eth tub hcae a eht dsa eertbt nisespa,l wno im,osmree lto ton i ysulniirsp,gr ear udnnastrde. Imsmeetos gdoni, tills i adie vhea htis utb goenynji nyawya mi' tahw on ewer'. Olt adn ot orf hrtee phta lnda it pry,oet bti dan donw mite, utefur a nda ubt m'i oncghsoi here het of 'its a is sdamer in a of a fo now, go tkean l,peh. We on nolea lonrge atpr het si, feel sbte. .