A letter from July 31st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Hello. This night a year ago you were violently kicked out from your only safe place in this world and your heart broke. It was around this time you made that really obvious cut on your arm that no one even asked you about. Has the scar faded at all? It was a time filled with so much sadness and crying in public places and late nights trapped in cigarette smoke. This night right now you are filled with overwhelming sadness. The career you fought so hard for just a year ago is now something you can't wait to throw away. You couldn't keep your promise to quit smoking and you haven't gotten any healthier. You are feeling so alone right now and you are so scared of the future. Something snapped within you and nothing excites you anymore. I pray that all this has changed. Hopefully you are still surrounded by the people who mean the most to you. Are you finally doing something good for the ones who need it more? Have you fallen in love and maybe had your heart broken again? Have you travelled to new places and collected stories you will never stop sharing? You recently came back from a trip to Taiwan. I want to remind you of your last night there, when we sped up the mountain on motorbikes and drank coffee to the sounds of our own laughter. I hope life has been kind enough to bless you with more good memories like these, too many to count. I hope your parents are finally getting the retirement they so deserve in a place they love. Is Mama finally back home with her favourite breakfast, the farms and the wet market? Are your brothers doing alright for themselves? My wish for you now is that life does not torment you. That the ruts you find yourself in are shallow and you grow immensely as a person. If you are reading this, hopefully you are laughing at how the years between us has made the sad memories almost painless. I have no idea what I'm doing in life but maybe you do. That's all I need right now to keep going.

Epilogue

3 months later

Hello!

It's us again. Reading this made me smile, then made me cry again. I'm finding it very difficult to find the words to reply to this, but here it...

Esog. .
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Hwieerhcv asrcs oyu on are eerh to, sllit lal m,ra oen teh yruo reenrirfg wree. Itllte a athe i've been ltlsi my utb lpoepe are,rofsm enbrko i hitnucog wndo. At apts sceepsa nda my fnisegle pnoit utb anigsmserarb i reew so ared ltaoms, i khint nhew cuykl iths ma as i eht evah my ayidl i ehva of i nwo hte neht taht ttha enwk tmisemeso ot rfom lief ear,l ddint'. Down leesimymn iutq evi' it uct h'tvean i oahlhugt sokim,gn. Ni nventimeonr si nyol ym esacbeu clurrynte taleerhhi etsiflyel ilginv i am of eth. Ifle dan sitll yda,s ikel meos mnoayer i tcexei 'nodets elef me. Eht opeh brtte,e uyulals dan sutj bda one nad it i si ehmt is etxn lcal adsy. .
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Bakc waya cmoe vmdeo i nit'dd and. Eacus tinhk i at,ht enert'w u,fkc ebmya tcnpexgie a'swtn yuo. Ehav ev'i aws fi luerysosi a,ryse hree eenb es,ary itletl tkane 4 4 hatw elif a oyu nogmic and ohste mbeay wodul sles oyu knew. And danl ganlo of hte desurhnd etur, itnouncioadnl ni htem yuo emda hapse of dan dresam fo enrifds mdae to ti ,yaw opyre,t leov ufond the. Up aspt hte iwth i aynm ew so rewe ot tenw on to lal a tcnsouire, trip mte in nrfsedi y,aesr lcerntey oeeup,r 4 many see pleepo endffeirt os dna happy us ni so aedm owh i. We ldvoe os ear. Pnesro to ywaa oot ellf yuo ni hte saw lawk aevin wgnro hitw love dna. Srdgu infd dnoig nad irkignnd rdtseta hmuc dcoul dew,e lal soikmng oot eth ew. Own iqut taht vei' all. I iseotmsme a ttah su btu asw hsiw envre fukc odgo i it utrhgho upt seols,n ylaerl. Okot nad ot nlog i to won, smoe am i eehwr tgsgrleu etg a dysa tisll emti ackb ti. Come the iitlfeem, eht asscr iev' ot su ot thta mchu tlsa eccapt ceom ilwl on dad keil ormf a flet tath srcas. Ylalre to hoep aeiser eyth get ivle i whit. .
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Aetrf eth ni ptu yuo ouy all tt,ha ouy efll iertd uidlbre hwit is, hwit ielf onoeesm ot pu elov evne good uroy wiehl wnse nda. Ouy uoy rpsoen eon ruerstae mh,i mneotm uoy teh eth you aild no ohtea,rn fdoun ni so ekdli ttha oht, onw mofr woh osmewoh or world hte gnickfu amn si sotm yees. Yuo nhpdeeap ognla uoy gdoo a seh' of agian, neo imte, it noe ubt ehnw tsih ern'wte mhte tiwgann ,pntrsaiihloe i orepsim a caem nteaorh. Narlet ym osnsel, i ofr us. Shit hmi mtei orf tinhk i teetbr kdeas peek i wlel' nda ontu'lcd arrentp ahev a. .
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Utboa i ot e,moh iogng otdn' ngendtipre reh dan ehs terrie so ycr lesl kene im' as'dd dene wichh eary idohldhoc lgahu d,reelacp u'msm uor to texn dan tse osndt'e. See emac wehn i ,tiivs earts arugleht nad yhte otnhm a ohtb a wsa for emth eetrh ddi adn goa. Hte eth i tihw ni tglhari rosrtehb ea'vnht tates rae sreya i meht ugahtlho the rh,ae hwta 3 eens oslmat of rfom rdwlo. Eb outhhg lli' oehm oons. .
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Eeotmdtnr ash su lefi. Bene re'ew tlmioloea,yn oaky stingh aitamrcd tub eyas slwaya hntae'v elppoe, adn and otn t'hsat eaynltml. As adh nlago ihgsh proen,s the nda way rou a ognwr so mhuc 'vewe tghsehi and welots owsl. Aluytalc ilevd ew. Oodg alos flei ull,f adn ot eebn su hsa. Nto dsa lto btrete ear eth addnusetnr a chae tbu pslina,es issrniuylgpr, i ,soeimemr hte wno. Tahw i ltlsi oi,dgn tub iemstsome no awyany ihts ngjyione iaed 'im we'er aehv. Dan of lot im' ihscngoo ti iem,t rfo a ni amdser hpat but aldn go nad nwo, eehrt a wndo efurtu el,hp hte a ereh tbi t'is si teopr,y of kaent ot a dan fo. Lgenor arpt ew esbt no elfe alnoe si, eth. .