A letter from July 9th, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, How are you? Are you happy? Have you started testosterone? I don’t think you’ve gotten surgery but are you near it? Who are you with? Did Chloe hurt you or did you hurt her? Are you still together? I really hope you are but if not, I’m sorry to whoever you’re dating for bringing it up. I’m self conscious about a lot and I want to know what’s changed. My mouth, I don’t think that’ll change though. I’m short. I have small hands and feet. My eyebrows are thin. My thighs are too big. People like to pretend I’m a little child. Do people still think you’re stupid and need to be protected? Has your voice gotten any deeper? Do you still play the ukulele? I know this won’t mean much because I’m 15 and what do I know, but I really think you’re going to get through this if you haven’t already. I hope you haven’t hurt yourself. The last time should be February 2018. Does that sound like an old number? 2019 sounds fake to me. I wonder if I’ll even still have the same email. Or if I decided to go to college. I really want to become an actor but it’s really hard, are you doing good with that? Have you given up? What do you do? I really hope you’re ok and I wish you could write back to me. I love you. I wish I was there instead of here.

Epilogue

about 8 hours later

My whole life I’ve been quiet, I’ve always felt like my voice will never be heard. I don’t know who would care for me or have empathy without expecting something...

Ni rretnu. Od hewn gte srif?t i utp ot mysfle.
Lfeyms rmfo na rseay iefv i egt raeiedlz i’ev iamel to ewadit tjus. Wthi chea ttha i seur a,rec kiamng edra oitusqen ansewr lduo imlae tou ot. Mi ni im eifl ostp a ppyah ni dba tlnema utb. I seh em etorcbo 9012 rhtu itlnu but ti madit nlo’cudt. Ethso eahv ehmt i dot’n gujeds iiesuritcnse tub noeyan aylctaul ohw ofr i em reca otaub. .
I evlo ouy oot.
Akbc sohw voel i i tnaw geingtt ot tnaw dit’dn sfmely ehtn i i eefl mcofotr hug ot mesfl,y was and.
Ni i etfl mthigsneo ptrdpae ueebacs afdowrr wnadet ot i kloo ot os eilf.
Trayihbd ts’i ,flie umch erttbe mi dytao my t1s2 in digno. Ohoclal btu eb meso ispel wridoer i shit i was to neev tkhni earlezid onggi aws yuo tina dnot’. An in ,jbo ebst fdirsne il,ek taoeorm oshw’ seay anc i i i fo ahev my ffrado f,uetru i alnsp ehav veha i heav eht ir,dfen a o,efedmr ym own i wtih ftufs ’tsi iecn pgusor. Isth rfo i wroked resedve dan adrh i hsti. Wdrkeo oyu dna orf uoy reesdve rdah itsh ihst. I ouy erwe rhee swhi too. It anlgo ot likngta i uaotb isth fsle, thwi nhkit ryetigenvh ealim hiknt i my utabo goeyunr. Lsef a i lot fmtocor tueiq imegani nda ngroeuy stseunoqi i to i the oulvd’ew try my dseak. I hits tend os ciedrt 51 up ofmr atth hetgibnor is sh’awt tath me ubt to coinuancmimto a off, i em uhagct hewn in reev i asw lod eaysr gte yda. Idlch ot mi klintga wno a rtihg. Tge losa eh tath hidcl rdkweo ssredeev to reeh adn it drha. Tastr rgbeteitn mnleat ot my adn i altehh ielsstefly i nitkh ndee.

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fracturedfriends:

almost 2 years ago

This is probably my favorite one I've ever read, I'm glad you are in better place. I hope you keep giving yourself message from past you. I know I look forward to each email past me sent.

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