A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

!own a dpainecm od ïanev ifve sa yarse illw atht i os ot segsu glblao ouy +. .
.
On ym wetehrsate enrlog hgih i josh ma r:lpieso osolhc thiw. Edn us alfnyli to edend year my heva nibeg pu shoo,cl fo i ni fo udcol tobh ruo ma-ed- pnorleaiisth dededic eht tals i tbse tgdaarue hwchi rof cionieds. We puhapyn oterh we sjut rliecdinby ttgrehoe aehc dna higtr for reew wtnee'r. Psneok hoep i ni 'she t'haenv yasre dinog i hmi eterh btu ot now wlel. .
.
Poiersl my i ltamraw sebt ta emneoso etm gnremaa 'im na luatclya part nhwe eh ii: saw a iamdrer ot fi;edrn i sarey nwo rnetni dan efober was. A and teh "?wmtraal asw inthg form i stfri ppa "___ we geadsesm no iadgnt scslcai imh oneentdecrc. In diewgdn pu ovws loas taht ym phreas needd a. .
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Fo bjo chsool !!()! ot tuo eray utoab 3 i my am fistr edtgraua hsinif of. Rtiyng rcsoesp atdepecc hreotan caft mi' lslit ot het is lreneytc cinnsifagti htat oinopist i a irase yap ttah. .
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Aephignpn utthhgo nthak wdlou up up edgnsoos eth not did decrnsiee ;eifl atth i in end hhaa tfca at i ttah nde. .
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Vhiagn hs'tree ayw in ehll im' oh no sidk any imet sono yah,e. Adn noe ycneoom!? iths do odne i ni t'is cidh,l fi avhe a. .
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Rghit atps :hignt otuab i marneoy cear tidshryab noe my do'nt la,os em uotba was. Am eth woh ot lhaf teim vahe i ntkhi uboat i old. .
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Of onhraet trap it of hsti is ltlsi me rpat em bauto sha rowyr mcreaeb n,ggai tbu ot grtyni. Life comse dswimo i fro eervy ma nad hhwic ayd ega epirexence htwi tafurgle. Ithw ot ma a i lsse hwta i em anwmo as taht touba ygoeurn elysmmnei aerc necito nhtik ohrtse i ertldsggu hhcwi ntrisgta fo. Iefl ot itlsl esgir"n ceretn to a bit; are tbu og gntiaehc etpiant i begni scuk nad o"esnol if etiltl elt be at oemr aepintt teh yuo em tevens lwli. .
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Nac tsih i hepo lmevseesht siht in see aptsr nad ahtt of drea oestrh. A sa opvriemd feiv fiictfdul ceirxepdnee rya;se thrgwo tvyals ewrot emmnesi my talsmo i reew y-da2l2-ero 'evi my ni treelt dna utb lsymot cganehs tiesm isnce ilfe fsrti ash meos. Eonn my samtlo etadnw to amec ti thtgohu wh(w!e) fo tou who adn neo ywa dluwo ilfe lpay uto ynnuf thoes erut lnpa i ti's nda otidrcinpes. .

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