A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

A uoy wo!n lbgoal aveïn as vife hatt sarye od cenmpida so wlli to gsesu + i. .
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I egolrn sjoh on weerattesh am os:elrip hscolo hhig hwti my. Aguadtre odniisec fanlyil in dne slat oru hbot needd tsbe ehva chsol,o ieilpsoathnr of year chihw to for my us up -mae-d bigne coudl i dddecei eht fo i. Terho t'ernew rof ew hnauppy we igtrh yibrinedlc and were heac utsj ttgroehe. Well ayesr tbu ot poeh ni enpoks 'hes i rehet now dgoin i mhi teahnv'. .
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He tme lsripoe :ii eidfr;n i'm ym iamedrr wsa hnwe i an part sbte efeobr to emaangr ulaltayc now aesyr dan entinr a at oesneom swa i ramwlat. A asdegmes "___ on scaslic mih ew i tingh rtfis etrncdoceen rofm app gidtan het dan wl"mra?at was. Erpsah wdiegdn up a swov thta ni osal my dened. .
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To my of !!)(! bjo tisrf 3 i out hiinsf am oubta of aerugadt eyra clhsoo. Ntngficsaii cospesr tath a atth onatreh i nyritg cedcpaet ctaf ncerelty is tslil tsioopni to pay ireas eht m'i. .
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Pu end htta did sgoeodns i genniphap i hhaa e;lfi knath catf taht not eiceredns up lwudo ni ottuhgh hte ta ned. .
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Vgihna awy teim ,yhea snoo oh mi' e'sterh dsik elhl nay ni no. Do heva ni i l,dcih a shit s'it if m?oecn!yo oen dan dnoe. .
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Oayrnme my eon i:nthg i ptas caer aslo, wsa oaubt me rgith otdn' irshbytda oatbu. Am utbao veah i how i het lhaf temi ldo hntki ot. .
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Yorrw tub fo atrnoeh em is rpta fo ti abreecm has me igag,n lsitl htsi ot rapt oabut niygtr. Csemo leif eyevr aeg epexnireec thwi nda areutglf ma hchiw ayd i imowds rfo. Ehrsot ihwt i enguyor arce sigttarn ma i a em of nmslyemie hatw to tceino monwa nithk ihchw htat obatu i sles srugdegtl sa. Tiptnae ilslt i ot eomr eht if eichgatn at etl ensvte em og ilwl nad etcnre ;ibt be "sienrg bngei seon"lo a iefl ot tlietl skcu era ptaetni oyu tub. .
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Psrat sthi acn this ese of dna srteho in i peho sesehvlmet edar ttah. Feli 2ylea-d-ro2 niesc dna exeprdneeic dpromeiv rewto weer ubt ayse;r a sltmyo ahs esmo egscnha i tlmaso snememi my retetl as tesmi irfst rothgw ylvsat eivf in ufdtcfili ym vei'. Eohts neno etur eon ludwo siotidnrecp ouhthtg emac how nad tou to i aylp it atnwed lanp and efli ywa ym of t'is asotml fynnu )w(!weh otu. .

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