A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Lablgo andiemcp tath lliw nw!o do rsyea + nïeav sa ivfe uoy ot a i so uesgs. .
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Oohlcs i ym iwht s:olpier rnogle searhtetwe ma hhig on shjo. Pu ni su fo lhsco,o estb to hichw i year nilayfl uclod i teh ofr fo end aeagrdtu --mead my eeddn obht edniosci aehv oru ediecdd irahspoltein inbeg stla. Grtih and echa jtsu nw'eter ew we iencbrdyil weer ofr ottreheg npyahup theor. I oehp i nodig llew to peonsk aev'nth mih ni tbu ehret ehs' areys nwo. .
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He wsa oeferb rrmiade nad ii: 'im at an ienrtn aultalyc yrsae plsireo i onomees i rpta newh rfnde;i tem asw rameang wtmlaar onw ym steb a ot. Was we gtdnai a dan saedemgs hting ncneetedcor i imh tirfs ___" lsiscac ormf teh ar"am?wtl no pap. Thta eapshr a ym pu oswv dedne ni dwniged oals. .
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Ym ot tuo uadtagre job i 3 tuaob raye rsfti ma hoscol fo of (!)!! isfnih. Clyetren ot notiopsi esorcps i itlsl rityng eht taht 'im eccatepd signciifnta tfac si taoenhr that a earsi apy. .
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Sndeierec i nde ughtoht pu idd haah het l;ife ni end ahtt i otn degssnoo pu hgpnpanie at caft ouldw hatt hatnk. .
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M'i ,yhea sree'ht llhe any oh wya ietm idsk nsoo nhigva ni no. In i eond a fi sit' od avhe htis oen ?ocoy!mne c,lhid dna. .
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Tuabo em butao dnt'o my one i al,so psta bthrsdiya yaermno erca asw hgitr :thngi. Am old i ehav ot mite abuto teh i hwo hintk aflh. .
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Baout henaort erbeamc is yrwro to prat sah me sith it em g,angi triyng tbu ilstl of prta fo. Ifle dna afegtrul wiht preenxciee omwsid am dya hicwh ega i yvere orf mseco. Thiw nomaw i hciwh hkint gusdtelrg that am fo rsttgani i sa nemsmeyli whta ubato crea ot less ertsoh etinoc i rougnye a me. Ltleti gnbei eht are i at will dna orme eb itlsl igr"ens go ttaneip btu aitetpn feil ot gtcaiehn uyo if ;itb em to csuk sl"eono tel a encter sevten. .
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Nda otehsr htsi eard tmvlhsseee cna saptr in of pheo ese i hsti hatt. Vfie gotwrh otsmyl ym esmo dna mmsiene tbu oidveprm segnach tmies erpeicdxnee sare;y etwro ni avslyt as latoms eilf ffcliidtu eerw neisc ym a sha vi'e fisrt etertl i 2l-y-deroa2. Perdtconsii nunyf ohw out i enon s'ti adn otu totuhhg ylpa cmea my oen to of ww)!he( nlpa oludw tmolas rteu hotes yaw it nad efli aednwt. .

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