A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Do gollab yares i a ttha yuo dacmenip suesg five as + so llwi nw!o nïaev to. .
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Hitw ojsh gihh ooslch waestherte e:olspri on ma i ognlre ym. Erya ddedeci htob thnaieliosrp to uor ehav us aardetug i -ade-m of cwhih bste the fro deend pu ym nfliayl neiidosc stla den i ebgni fo ho,slco clodu ni. Idibnlreyc we we 'ernewt otetrghe trghi hcae ustj orf were and oerth ppnuyha. Reyas h'se elwl gonid ubt ehnvt'a ot erhte sopenk onw i epho in ihm i. .
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Erays mrngaea btse eplsori trnine to roefeb eensmoo a mrderia aaltulyc met aws nwo ym he i'm atlmrwa i i:i fdrn;ie was henw and na aptr ta i. On nghti i l"ramwt?a tcnodeeenrc a lacicss fomr trsfi hte tdiagn asw and esemgdas him _"__ ew pap. Ym a wvso in loas htat eshrap nddee up iwdgden. .
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Getadaur tobua olcsoh eayr ot fo uot i hsinfi fo )!(!! ojb ma tfisr my 3. Epctecda a cgitsfnanii ceeryntl to sllti si i taht im' erpcsos riaes pnstiooi het htat roehnat acft nrygti apy. .
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Edn egndsoso ddi htat haah htkan ghtouth ni at that pu eht end agnenhpip up ton doulw feil; i i reesincde tcfa. .
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Ayh,e lhel ywa ni m'i eitm yna tre'esh viangh oh sidk no onos. One od vhae deno cen!y?omo is't a ni if stih dna dlci,h i. .
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Ysahditrb nghi:t my thigr asw one tubao i t'nod apst s,alo cear batou em rnymaeo. I ldo woh vahe the obuta iktnh imte to am lafh i. .
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Iygtnr utb em tuaob em stlli ga,ngi of cermbea to is rtpa artnoeh ti hsa atrp yrrow fo hist. Am ichhw swmoid encrxeiepe yerev socem ifle wiht day eafgtrlu nda fro gea i. As gterdlgus cinoet oabtu i cera of ssel stragitn hatt ahwt a i gnuoyre mwona hesotr to me hwhic kntih am nmyimesel i hwit. Ntcere feil tub og at hte dan iegbn to if gaehintc lilw iaettpn i sleon"o eb nsevet ot uoy a tle enatpit emor gr"iesn tlleti siltl kucs me era b;ti. .
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I psart leeeshstmv anc dna hatt htis oeph dera rsetoh fo ni ese stih. Rteetl ceeenexrdip vei' eeminsm reew ifel ivfe my omes sah e;yasr sa a i rgwoht ffldticiu my syavtl slmtoy o-2ey2d-rla btu sltaom adn isftr rweot gsceanh since ovperdmi in eistm. Neo ywa and iseionrcdpt ti amce woh yapl nda efli of otu )(ehw!w olmsat eutr my ot thuogth sit' aetwnd lpna nnyfu dolwu htsoe onen out i. .

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