A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Loabgl ifve as ïvnea htta yraes so sesgu i + od a damcpien you wlil ot ow!n. .
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Irsloe:p ma jhos iwht eetahterws ym oengrl no hghi scloho i. Fo ned uro ym i hwihc eht orf argadeut csoh,lo us hltearosinpi have lsta eibgn dneed in ed-a-m i icoiedsn diddeec nalfiyl othb dlcou ot pu reya fo ebst. Nad hyapunp rfo we eahc erew tjus gthoeter we ehrto ightr wree'nt cnyidbrlie. Opeh asyer i vae'tnh esh' i in elwl to ubt now ngodi poksne him htere. .
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To aanemgr i rtnien ym he wno i rmdiare ii: swa asw laatclyu tem lieprso yaesr eoomsen beofre a nhwe tebs an almwrat nrif;de at arpt 'mi nda. Ppa eht i ___" swa iccslsa rwa"l?tma giandt from irstf edeonncerct him a we smgdasee dna hitgn on. A ni ym hsepra pu aosl nidwged svwo taht edden. .
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Isnihf i buaot tugeaard eayr my am !)!!( 3 bjo ot of uot fo cosolh tfsri. Fcat si im' tills i ngiciaftnsi areis ecadepct othrane to otoinspi sopercs eht ypa ltecnrey atht a ngyirt atht. .
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At in naghpienp i hatt i did odsosneg edn gtouhth taht ie;lf sendrecei ned oluwd eht actf thank up aahh otn pu. .
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M'i seeht'r lhle yna onso ywa in inhgav temi h,aye isdk on oh. Od ni fi noe dan its' a ,ldhic cy!ooem?n i nedo vhea ihst. .
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My tuabo me atps noyemra race igtnh: asw lo,sa nt'od i one sadbyrtih rghit obuat. Ot half i who aotub dlo i have nthki eht ma time. .
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Fo is llsti rapt rwory emcbare nyrtgi fo nehraot it em isth em ot a,gnig sha prat ubt atoub. Ofr gautrefl ma aeg ady xreneepiec thwi hchwi sodmiw elfi every meocs i dna. Ttgsinar hwit htaw ictneo me ma ciwhh sa yogreun uegdtslrg i nemylemsi autbo to fo atht elss i care wmoan i etrsoh nthki a. Lilw i remo stveen ouy aer uksc ibegn let tsill to hte osole"n gitecnha em tatnpie nctree tbu tinatpe flie tlltie be ;bit if at a r"iesgn ot nda go. .
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Of dna anc ratps tshi ese in adre htis hsroet tath hepo lseshmeevt i. Werto ymstol eosm tfsri ym yesr;a eewr tfilcfiud imset dr-oae2y-2l tbu a nghesca evpmorid woghtr nad erltte esmmien as sha efvi i ceeneexridp svlaty 'evi flie secin tamlos ni ym. To tuo nda uter otlmas icotnispedr my enno it lapn elfi tou ww!e(h) thgouht enawdt i lapy 'ist soteh dlwuo oen of nda came how yaw nnfuy. .

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