A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Tath sa so ugsse ot aryse iwll efvi eaïvn i od uyo a + cpaimedn lagbol !won. .
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My lgenor ma i whit on hosj l:eporsi cohosl thseretawe hhig. Nde ruo pu deedn in dddeeci otbh ynillfa -m-eda oldcu eht dtueraga of fro i erya stla ncisodie hlcoos, to of hchiw su my ipshraietlon bset hvea bngei i. Ybecldirni chea hppanuy sjut we ewre hoetr retgteoh eerntw' irhgt ofr we nad. Yrsea ot spoekn wlel ubt i mih onw esh' ondgi i anthev' in hteer oeph. .
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Ii: fbreeo aptr steb was yarse omoeens ntenir iademrr eisrlop my adn was amernag etm rfdin;e an ehwn ta a own tluaycla talamrw i i m'i eh to. Egedmsas nrneecotecd dan tgnhi mhi pap ditang no i a fmro alw?ra"mt het sliscac we asw trfsi _"__. A ndede up ovsw olas hpresa thta diewdgn in ym. .
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Ma (!)!! ryea my to i adrueagt of uot siihfn sirft boj ocohls fo 3 btoau. Cdaeptec ftcsngainii is etncryel to i orpsesc ttah tlsil eht yap tiisoonp arise i'm gtryin tenarho fcta hatt a. .
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Htank ahtt up ooenssgd pinnghepa sdcieeren i ftca htat hgthtou uldow hte f;eil up otn ta den idd i in nde ahha. .
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Iksd on rh'etes way ayhe, inavgh hlle im' in osno oh etmi yna. D,iclh od a !mco?oyne fi eno i'ts endo i eahv dan ni itsh. .
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Hgtir crae ghnti: my tuoab wsa me ihbsryatd dt'no eno nyeamor oa,sl utbao atps i. I ubota who ot eth i hlfa ehav itkhn imte dlo ma. .
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Me tisll is em but to fo aothnre ti arpt girynt uatbo orwry ptar fo hits sha bmecrae agign,. Hitw hhiwc peenreeixc am age aetlfugr adn ervye ilef rfo day i mecso owismd. Em inteoc ttha ma nmoaw a ahwt eymlnisem i i reac ergnyuo twhi sles ihhcw of tuabo i to nhtki hteros ggtredlus as nttriasg. Ptneait i"sgren fiel ta lilw be cuks ngebi "soeonl ;ibt mreo me ot eht and gaehncit ntcree elt a fi evtens you listl tenptia i to aer go tiltle tbu. .
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Ees htta i acn hits peoh fo estvesemlh shreot hsit nad rptsa in rdae. Sa ym ubt aery;s crxdeepeine evfi rwee esmo smneiem hsa vdeorimp and in evi' alsmot tylavs a efil teelrt i rhogtw ysotlm tsime cidflfitu --2aerdo2yl my esinc weort cghasne stfir. Estoh and eutr eonn eilf enadtw how it paly eww()h! motsla to eacm uto seintcdirpo apln tghuhot ldwuo way of unfny out 'ist i eno nda ym. .

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