A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

O!nw a eryas i ot as bgallo oyu nevïa taht liwl edmnicpa od so vfie + susge. .
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Jsoh ighh eetertahsw i chosol rgnoel tiwh am my sri:elop on. Fo us to up ruo rfo tbes hwich cieeddd tsla the veha alfynli hlcoso, raey lieiatshropn fo end ecsdoini in cudol ym dneed ebing i uteagard tboh e-da-m i. Eewr we haec ofr lidcynrebi ew nda nupahpy tusj htore hitgr ewr'tne egtoehrt. But s'eh mih hoep osknep aresy i tehre evtna'h ot now i well in niodg. .
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Emt nhwe at lutclyaa to :ii ebts ym eosnome im' eh fbreeo maltrwa midarer rapt nntrei wsa ioplesr erngmaa now dna nr;eifd wsa reays i an a i. Ppa waamrtl?" gidant mhi swa on a i _"__ rfmo ritsf hte gadsesme scicsla nda ew oenerctndec tihgn. Ehrpas ahtt ni lsao pu swvo didnegw a ddnee ym. .
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)!!!( coolhs hnfsii job i fo 3 isftr ym aadregut of tobua ma yera to uto. A yap the acft cserosp is im' eecatdcp esari to tinsnafgici opsoiitn rehatno tigynr ahtt i sillt taht nercleyt. .
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Ta tno nde aahh i toguthh taht up i sedeiencr edn ktahn epgpannhi l;eif atth caft hte ldowu ddi pu gedsnoos in. .
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Hlle ni 'im any way on hstree' ,aehy ho teim sono sdik vhiagn. 'tis ni heva isht nad y!o?mnoec deno od a i c,hdil if neo. .
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Oatub rhstbaidy osa,l hg:itn em uatbo oen ym aecr atsp dnt'o irhgt was rmeaoyn i. Hvea i lod eht mtei ahlf i how atobu ktnih ot ma. .
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N,aigg of prat ecbamre of si ltils tehrano htsi me has ptar me ot igtryn utb owrry ti oabtu. Ihwt ifle yad ma eag mceos rof i eyrev nad glatfeur pxeceieren hwhci odiwms. Ilysemenm cihwh i i a netcio am wtah fo me ot thwi elss tknhi arec i awonm obtau uyrngeo htat retsho sa tiatrsgn sggdeltur. Eb "nergis og fi illw ermo and istll hte a lefi i;bt tetlli tncere vneset eslono" era usck btu to you ebgin ta em to igaehcnt i lte eapttin itpetan. .
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Erad osethr i that and tehsvsleem hsti fo in ese tihs srapt hoep cna. Icsen but mloyst otlsma eerw lfei ni orwthg adn sa a ovredmpi tleter fvei eneciexredp fcfitiuld ym sha v'ei rtisf acengsh asyvlt my eorwt mose rseay; 2al-y-rde2o i mstie meimens. Meca sti' uot life ti uto ayw dna tgouhth funny adn wlduo pirteidonsc eon neon tdenaw of to theos lapn wwe)h(! my utre yapl i ohw asmlot. .

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