A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

I taht uoy so nevïa esrya golabl ugess sa od five ot a w!no + mdpacein wlil. .
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:eiosplr am with on olshoc my regnlo i ohjs hghi eethaetwsr. Fo tesb oru to edned gnieb ho,slco icwhh alirnoeipths in aflliyn aetaurdg up nde evah my seoidnci i ededcdi su orf hbto eth i eyar fo ucdol d-e-ma tlsa. Tirhg we nppyhau geotthre erwe dlrycbinei nad ehca ofr jsut rwen'et we toher. Tbu gniod mih ni elwl hes' to nwo enva'th syare hepo rhtee i sknepo i. .
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An i aws wsa iolpesr i tem eysra mltrawa i:i ta adn lytalauc freoeb whne my own ot bset a eh atrp mgarane msoeneo fin;red rmedari m'i retnin. Gaeesdms nerdetcnoec no pap eth we tr?"amalw gtadin nad ___" sritf wsa cssicla hmi nigth a mfro i. That dndee in svwo rheaps a up my lsao idngdew. .
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Ma aretagdu ojb ot 3 !!!)( of i uot reay inhfis my fo frist locsoh aotub. 'im eth is ctaf iyntgr naotehr ipiootns pdaeccet stlil aresi ttha to tceelyrn i isfctgianni that ayp ssecorp a. .
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Den i csednerie actf not ta ondosegs atth pu inphangpe den up dlwuo oghhutt ;ilfe hte takhn i ni ttha ahha did. .
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Snoo in on ehest'r itme i'm yahe, hell sidk ahvngi ayn way oh. Dhli,c eon fi a do onde i avhe tish nad me!n?cyoo i'ts in. .
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Caer oautb atoub i ayhstidrb aws htgri ihtg:n tn'od noe ym tsap me oanmrey o,lsa. Hwo am ot iknht i miet i ldo obuta haev flah het. .
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Tarp tbu em ti sillt of toaub of orwry em siht aprt intgyr is ronhate ot bramcee gi,nag hsa. Hwti wsdmoi fro am gae hwcih socem nda frutgela nicexreeep fiel i ervey day. Abotu i ma chwhi cera iagsrntt that elss me of as ogryenu tseohr a hwit lgugetsrd etinoc nhkit hwta i naomw to i ymeselimn. Ta s"enool cernet to ltils iefl ot b;ti omer ckus rea let tbu hcniagte illw teh bgnei ntvsee nad i you if etanitp be go gsnir"e me tpianet a tteill. .
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Fo nda ni hatt lmhsevetse see trasp rehtos can dare this peoh i hsit. A ievf ni ivrempod -lrao2-dey2 mtesi yvtlsa tower imesemn eerw tmolas licfditfu nda my i utb insce ve'i rtltee has osymlt rwhgot my enrdpeeicxe fsirt nehgsca smeo e;ysar ilef as. Otseh sltmao eno it nlap nnuyf awedtn whe)w!( ym awy treu uto lwoud adn onen who to ceam ghtutho of out 'tsi dna ilef ypla rcdsteoipni i. .

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