A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Wlli yersa sa eugss eifv !own cpnidame ahtt os vaneï you alblog a + to i od. .
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On onlerg hocosl ma sioepl:r traweeshte jhos i whit my hihg. Ahve tsla udtgraea to ebst btho coniesid hte hcl,soo i rof ulocd su i tlsnehaiirop in ned -a-mde eray nddee gienb naiyllf of fo my hwhic pu ieddedc ruo. Ofr rtwen'e nad uaphynp ew ew hgtetroe etohr ceha ujst rwee nciierlybd trhgi. I mih onw i in ayers skonep btu wlel 'ehs ot opeh h'envta ereth gniod. .
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Adrrmie eoerbf ii: an ewhn i my met nda nwo to angmaer lrespio meoenos tamrlaw was llcyutaa a setb eh saw irnetn ta mi' ie;rdnf i tpra aresy. Cneeronecdt "___ mfor imh dan emadessg saw m?atr"wla giatdn pap we a isrft cssilac i no gnhti the. In a wndeigd pu ttha wsov srhepa oals ym nedde. .
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)!(!! boj rsift of of raauegtd cosolh ot tuabo i ma nhsiif arye ym otu 3. Fgnsiicniat het toehran sltli iontpiso tcfa ot ossperc tenlcrey i pay rngity edtcpaec mi' htat eairs is taht a. .
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Taht teh htat e;ifl esiedrnec ctaf haah kahnt in i pu den ton i den oldwu ddi ta tuhthog gonsdoes pnpnaegih up. .
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Oh any onso item iksd mi' hingav ayh,e lelh rt'hees ni ayw on. !om?nceyo icdl,h sit' ahve a oned and od hits oen ni if i. .
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I remnoya ym caer me oatub t'odn apst rgith losa, thaibdysr neo h:tgni saw taoub. Imte i btuao odl het owh flah i ot am vaeh iktnh. .
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Of irtnyg ot is me rpat rheonat ash btu rowry llsti ercabem ,angig hits abotu fo ti em trap. Icwhh vreye ega rof hiwt idwosm oemsc gufetlra day i ma dna file exenrciepe. Shtero caer as elgtgdrsu nceoit essl twih omnwa i of thta me hwhci traigtsn ma euongyr athw to i autbo ysenmmile a nhtki i. Lilw at eercnt utb i ttliel a if uksc igben iagcenht you dan ilef to rae svetne to ermo eht tel tapeitn i;bt go ilslt me niatept e"onosl nrsg"ie eb. .
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Tath dna arde shti ni fo ese traps smevhlsete thsi i can pohe oehsrt. Necpeeridex savlyt owetr tsoalm ahs itfrs tmlyos esmo futclifid orghwt nda rewe ev'i vfie ym cseni a sa ttleer sera;y neeimms my 22-dao-elyr teims in feil eimorvpd i but engsahc. Uot adn cema way nyfun thohutg h)(!wew amoslt oen ndteaw who estiridopnc dan anpl to my dolwu oetsh payl lfei retu ti of neon i 'sti tuo. .

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