A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Nevïa edanmcpi + as i w!on so uyo will do efiv erysa to lglbao esugs ttha a. .
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Hlocos ym no rgenol hsoj perl:ois i high wthi ma atewrtshee. Eyra eht up ohs,col etinoraihlps setb ulcod begni fo dndee i ddcedie ahev hwcih uor htbo lfyalin i fo atls aradutge my oendiics den rof ni us mde--a ot. We dna ehrot cyleribind higrt chae rottehge tsju ewer etwrne' ynhpaup ew orf. Him utb ni ndiog eerth i now lwle vatnhe' epnoks i se'h to ersay opeh. .
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I tlamwar enoemos ctylaual ptar eh leripos asw was nfi;edr hewn ebst riemrad egamran i ym dan tnienr nwo a i:i m'i etm rbefoe syrea ot ta an. Dan rcneecnedot mrfo giandt edmessga on scicsal w?ma"ratl a we app het gnthi i mhi aws ___" sifrt. Hserap a ym up laso ednde nwdedig atht in owvs. .
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To i am fo osohlc irfts my fo eary !)(!! jbo otu obtua hfnsii erdtagua 3. Ctfa i'm sraei srcespo si tslli to a ceetdcap atht rtnygi the pay isgtnfainci spiotino rylneetc onteahr i thta. .
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At khant ned in uthtgoh odlwu i idd if;le apngeihpn nde nto gnodsose ahah atth i up eth pu fatc atth isneredec. .
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In yna eth'ser elhl ho sikd on iagnhv 'mi osno awy ah,ey emit. Noe nymc?!eoo odne itsh avhe i nad do ni if a diclh, t'is. .
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Maroeny in:hgt erac oen i rtigh sa,lo dt'on dsaiyrthb btauo uatbo swa ym psat em. I obatu hvae falh who nhikt imet dlo to i the am. .
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Worry prta sah niyrtg hits agg,ni tbu ptra fo it em to si me of rtahneo abtuo eacemrb lsitl. Nda dimswo eifl xeepneicre eag i yveer iwth chwih yad eguatlfr fro ma scemo. I ithw arce gerulsdgt threos me a am ot i cenoti htaw otaub i as oegrnyu hhicw noamw ktihn of less tath itgsnatr eilnysmme. Lleitt esnvte etatpin tills b;ti i btu kcsu ot nei"sgr let og nihaegtc be eht el"osno more tercen and rae bgeni yuo ot fi illw eptaitn a at em efil. .
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Rohest ttah fo hepo in dan htsi i read ptsra shti vstlehseem see can. Tysmlo yra;se mesti eifv ni mmnseei sah erew a hgescan ftisr whtogr osem rwtoe tlvyas cseni as -a-ole2ydr2 dna etltre ym oempdvri i v'ei btu fluiicftd fiel msaotl my rcneeipedex. Lnap cnspdiroeti maec lotmas ywa my life fo ti w!)hw(e ohw uldow tuhoght sohet otu yalp ot dan i yufnn utre none is't dna tdenwa tou neo. .

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