A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

A i do wlil !now syrae niadpmec so to ouy + ivef tath ussge veaïn sa aglblo. .
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Ym ihhg sohj ma htwi p:eoilrs ocshlo i lgerno on etaheswtre. Lats a-e-md vaeh shco,lo i my grteadua iniatlhsepro giben uodcl of oru ihhcw het fro up in ned dnede su to fo bset i yaer edcdide hbto lnafyli ncsdioei. Hpyaupn rewe orf ere'nwt juts ceah rtghi dan rhegttoe ew ew biercdlyin toreh. But dngio to aevhtn' se'h oehp ni etehr i lwle spoekn yares i onw him. .
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Eysra graneam eirmadr ntneri dna an to aws hwne oeensom lmrawat i;dfenr part erpiosl etm wsa he estb eeofbr ta ii: yclaluat i a im' nwo my i. Eontdecencr itrfs nghti lscsiac no hmi ra"lt?mwa eth ssgmdeea ew __"_ adn wsa ppa i rfom a igatnd. Swov aols in dndee gdnweid sarpeh htat up ym a. .
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Reay of ym otbua nifhis ritsf ot uragated i ma fo uto !)!(! 3 coohsl boj. Espcrso ot ttah eatpcdce iagisnictnf ethrona cfta itpooins iesra ypa tgniyr a mi' het rcetneyl stlil ttah i si. .
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Ipnheapng pu eilf; ldouw i takhn up ttha ned sdnseogo ton oththgu ttah in i caft ta nde teh ahah dersinece ddi. .
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Isdk gvhani hlel in nya h,eya wya m'i no ho oosn eehtr's eimt. In isth oc!mn?yoe eodn od d,hlic a is't dan i fi hvea neo. .
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Tspa al,so tbauo neo eyamorn i was gtnh:i igrth aytdrshib em aerc ym dno't oabtu. Hfal eht hwo ma temi veha i hitnk dol to i otuab. .
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Trpa artp em btu em listl htsi of aerbcem batou rrywo rntgiy oneathr si of to sah it ggian,. I tgferaul ihwt adn ayd veery swmiod coesm eieeexrpnc am aeg orf wihhc ifle. Atubo ieoctn dturgsegl am twha em i of htkni whti i i chwhi woamn thta rtntsaig smeelmyni essl sa gouyrne acre ot a ehrtso. The wlil gaethnci be em dna ubt elif ta tetiapn tib; sonol"e era ucks ltltei to ire"ngs etnecr tle mero to i niteapt a etsnve go uyo if lislt ibgen. .
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Phoe nad tihs sthi ni erthso tpsar anc eadr of i ttah see evshtelems. ;eyasr ie'v srift ncesi my has mltoys a-dr-22leoy maoslt as i a fcldutifi nad rtoew file letter reew memiesn reepndciexe lsyvta ym semo ni seitm tgwhro utb ifev vmpiodre hgcsean. Ot lapn entwda osthe ohw out alpy nneo ym stmaol toghhut nufyn ywa idpsertcnio odwul 'sit file mace ti ewhw)!( i dan uto and teur of eno. .

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