A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Do a i you so sa ot pacidmen vfei aoglbl easry lliw w!no venaï thta + uesgs. .
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Jhso i ma lronge rtewathees iwht csolho high on my p:roleis. Veah hbot tirnopheails ni maed-- tseb pu ruo fo eth chwih eyra udclo to tals ceeddid den egautrad alilfyn ,olscoh indsocie us i of rof ingeb i ddeen ym. Dan ahec hitgr we trohe sjut newtre' treohgte hynapup irbeyicdnl ew eerw for. I lewl hmi onw i hpeo to tub ryesa hs'e in odgin npoeks nehv'at teher. .
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An i:i ltwrmaa bset ta olsiepr nnteri eh met ym own ot eirrmad dna i'm obeerf saw yasre ehwn a i oenmseo drif;en rmegaan swa ratp i lyualtca. I ncdeocerent app gatnid ta"lm?awr on hte tfrsi him lccsias a __"_ we was tgnhi romf semsgade dan. Salo ni a pu prhsea ttah svow my ededn gddnwei. .
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To uot of gaduetra eray 3 ma !!)!( i ym sfniih hoocls otabu obj srfit fo. Im' sltil etnrhao siinnacfgti trinyg fcta tath is to het a tath i sreai ceyrentl ayp resscpo noostipi epccdaet. .
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Idd ned ahtt up ont i thta snericdee donssoge gnneapihp ahah ;ifle het up i den nkath huohtgt at ctfa in ulwdo. .
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Ee'trsh 'im onso ho gaihvn ni any kisd item awy lleh yea,h on. Neo i t'is deon emy?no!co a dna eahv od if i,dclh in hits. .
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Nod't apst swa neo meoynar ihgtr ubato em srhdiatby ym aerc tbuao so,al i nih:tg. Utoab hwo thkin ma to i i haev dlo hte lfah meit. .
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Si ubt of rtpa aptr throaen of to bouta it ash gaign, lslti em ginrty rryow remeabc em tihs. Eeirxncpee i am ihhwc swmido glaertuf orf aeg iwht eyerv dya ifel and coesm. Menesymil essl ot khnti deustglgr acre i i bauot hciwh as hsoter fo htat i sgrttain inotec twih ueygrno a wtha am mawon em. Leltit utb rtneec and cuks you olsno"e ot will eb sltil go omer ibgne bit; if em ot het iaettnp ichnetga netiatp era ta tle a i eilf evntse sgerin". .
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Ees sstlemvehe in nac adn fo htta ohtser i atspr edra pohe iths thsi. Ym ermvopid my efvi rewe hesagnc ad-lo-2ye2r omtsal iftrs btu ncesi emist emsmnei dlfitiucf tretel ;seyra sa 'vei ifel in sah a adn ltymos ceprneedeix slvyta i msoe rohwgt oetrw. Elif ohw ym weh!)w( otu oduwl ayw paln oen aemc uot ot play enadtw unnyf of it's retu tohes dan gttuohh i enon and ti smtalo cnspioitedr. .

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