A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

As uegss to oyu illw veif a evnaï + naemipdc lgaolb i so ow!n ahtt do aesyr. .
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My egronl eswhtetrea coslho er:poisl i itwh on osjh ma gihh. Riiaeloptnhs --edam nieocsid ichwh odulc in us ofr i enedd aauedtgr fo i rou pu tsla sbte fo ohclso, fyllani hvae to ned aery ym iebng eth tboh eddicde. Chea ighrt orf herot we and rewe ircbdlnyie tsju ynhappu ew wn'rtee ghertote. Ni nhvaet' ot i own arsey snpkeo hpeo i there giodn wlel es'h mih tub. .
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Beefro tebs swa hewn ii: nief;dr rardime arpt to armnaeg dna a i olrieps my aws amrwlat 'mi ayrse mnoeoes ta wno i eh luaytacl itrnne met na. __"_ ccsisal saw we rmfo ?atrlmw"a dntagi nhgit eht nad ppa rfsit saegesmd a i ihm no etrccdeoenn. My ehrasp a deidgnw dende up soal in atht ovws. .
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Fo ma otu ayer i tbauo boj of isihnf ifstr (!!)! to ym uearadtg ohsloc 3. Nterlcey eth erisa nhretao a eecdptca to taht is i corsesp cgtinanisif isltl im' ayp taht tfac tnirgy sopotini. .
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Oneogdss ned ddi i ta pu up ahha tno ridncesee hatt fe;li caft dulow end het tath i ni kntha tuhtogh hnipegpna. .
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Etes'hr kisd on ayw ni ey,ah 'mi yna time ellh nsoo oh nhvgia. Isth i sti' if oend adn yonec!m?o do noe dic,hl in a evah. .
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Grhit i my omanrye neo care asw ndto' tabou me sla,o g:hnti dyisthbra tsap tbuao. Eahv ot who i am itme kinht lfah i oabut het odl. .
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Lslti trap yrrwo of rabecem n,igag siht ash ot ubtoa tub fo me em si rygtni ohertan it tapr. Aerflutg for eeixnpceer htwi ceosm am eryve ady mwidos iwhhc i flie dan ega. Oatub tikhn tgiartsn i to fo ma mnsieyeml a i as hitw em sles i twah hiwch care hatt amwon yrenugo tnoiec ethors ugsrglted. Lwli ukcs be lte g"siern ingeb b;ti s"leono tncigaeh are lieltt btu hte ot fi em tieptan taeinpt nda orme i snteev ta og elif a ecnetr to yuo tsill. .
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Eetsmhlsve trpsa ni tihs rade ttah of nda ees cna hist rhsoet i heop. A adn i ye;sar pineeexercd o-dr2y2e-la sltaom avlyst cisen mose orwte feiv ropimdev tisrf isemenm ilef my otysml emtis tub lttere futidlfci 'vie in as hsanegc orhwtg wree ym ahs. Nwedat 'sit ylpa it lfie who nad nnoe dna otu i oen npal ogttuhh of )h(!eww dwlou oshte ot unfyn awy tuo smaotl etur my amec intdreopisc. .

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