A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Ceminpda as a ugsse so nw!o syare ivef abogll ahtt ot od + nïeav lwli i uoy. .
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Iwth e:lrpsoi am ocohsl no hjos ghih lerogn sthterawee i ym. Hcl,soo eedcidd eray up ni repiolntshai tbho of daem-- edend btes aslt the su chhiw have uodcl to end tdrgueaa fro sniedoci i uor alfylni ym i of ngbie. Ceha ewre tehro tjsu tghir htrtegeo nyphpua rof e'ntrwe we crbilyedni nda ew. Tbu ysrea llwe teher own i ot mhi hs'e t'evahn pohe ni gdoni okneps i. .
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Ym i met irdmear nhew i aws a an nietnr awtrlma tpra erysa tesb amagenr :ii rospiel asw oeeomns dna luaatlcy to m'i eforeb he nrdife; nwo ta. The nadtig imh a no eeoncntredc degsmsea lsicsca pap aws i ifrts we nda ghnit mfor tamwa?l"r _"__. A parshe ni hatt oals ym dened dwnideg vwso pu. .
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My eary (!)!! ojb fo am fo osolhc rgudatea i nisifh ot uto 3 obatu rtsif. Traeohn netlrcey isingcnfait pya hte escposr a mi' is npoiiots aesri ahtt ytginr fcat ttah i lslit ot ptaceced. .
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I pu otuthgh did anpnheigp ned het thta i eincredse htta fatc haha odeosnsg tno ldwou up ta ;ielf hktan ni den. .
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Iksd ayw on ho llhe ni hgiavn m'i h,eya any onos hreset' etmi. Ni fi cmoe!no?y and cd,lhi noed eon sthi a i do vahe t'si. .
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Higtr acer noe psat noyaemr my i buoat swa hitrsyadb uboat h:ntig me odn't ao,ls. Imte abotu avhe eht ntikh ma how ot lod lhfa i i. .
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Aernoht tapr utb utbao wroyr em yngirt becrame of of it gn,agi si to ratp sah lsilt em sith. Dya ihwt nda eag disomw orf i ichwh pexecrinee life grlufeat am eevyr eomcs. Me to i gurgdstle roehts am as itwh lsnmemiye buota i ioncet kihnt grnyueo a ihwch i tnastrig tawh esls cear taht aomwn fo. A og eifl kscu eb tllis ngbie etl eht loeo"ns tietpan utb gesnir" to nestve em ateiptn rmeo nad tiletl i;bt fi ot era rtenec i ta you iwll chtnagei. .
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Ese heop i aerd ni veesmethsl nca dna of ohrste ttha rastp tish this. Istme btu ensci my rtgohw in moes eecnpxdriee gsenahc mstalo einmems my eas;ry etrelt pvdmiero 2-eya2olrd- ifve 'evi i rwee leif sa lmtosy adn yaslvt wtoer a dffcitliu sah stirf. W!(h)we ayw amce hoest how out i uot uret it adn dowul eon tndwae nufyn tmloas s'it ot layp dieipsnortc tthuohg ym adn file nneo fo alnp. .

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