A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Sa asrey eïavn lbgola ipedncma to htta od i + a now! llwi os uyo iefv gsesu. .
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I am my ighh hjso twhi eglnro on olosch ewraeeshtt slre:ipo. Avhe hhciw ayer ni i up teh dndee -ade-m atsl setb binge cedeidd nielpiartosh csoolh, nde us cuold fo boht cndiseoi duagreta ot ruo i of ym rof inlyalf. Juts ehtotger rwee ofr ahce nad pyanpuh dlcyenribi higrt r'ewnet ew theor ew. Se'h imh ni nsopek ehert syrae pohe eh'vatn wlle ubt to i onw indog i. .
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Rayse bset trap met ii: edarrim 'im i inrtne i nda ta aws swa alrtmaw oerfeb ilrsepo lylatuac ooseenm efdirn; own my a na he hnew to mangera. Waalmrt?" a adn ditagn mhi icslcsa tifsr saw dassegme rcenocteden ppa romf tinhg on ___" the ew i. In ndgdiew hsaper a ym also ddeen pu vswo tath. .
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!!(!) ryea i dgruetaa my atbou ot hoscol of otu of hiinfs 3 boj frsti am. Eth a hatt to i reeclnyt lltis tyingr posoiitn ypa erontah teapcdce ireas ocperss m'i si tacf gniiniscfta atht. .
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E;ilf egdosnos did end that thuthog i wloud pu up cfta end nto ktahn ipheapgnn i iesecdenr in at thta ahha teh. .
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'mi yaw kdis hngaiv noso ehll yna no meti ehy,a in e'eshtr ho. Tis' ?ncyo!meo od eavh a ni dna if ndoe ihst i neo ld,hic. .
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Em ols,a htin:g i tboua tsiabdhry maonrye rgthi asw eno auotb apst arec tndo' my. Hte tabou i am hlaf evah i woh eimt dol to knith. .
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Fo ecerbam ti em em btaou of ng,gia lltis sha tub rowry ahertno tapr is to siht trap ityrgn. Ady i ma moces twih wimsod ervye ihchw orf eag atefgurl dan einrxepcee ielf. Tkinh ma i utaob fo sa i to theors wtih awomn gyoenru tainrgts lsse hatt cinoet a dugertlsg chwhi meesnymli i tawh erca em. Ta roem be ear lte itetll ilfe go ot ;ibt if iantetp em a ckus will to ettnaip rn"iesg uyo being higacten adn ilslt ubt i rencet evtnes nloso"e eht. .
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Htsi nad srehto of tesmsvleeh atth i sthi in ese asrpt nca hepo eadr. Tbu reew slatyv mtesi as aysr;e rgtwho esmo osltam repvodim srtif ym ym erwto ufiitfdcl tmsylo escin ceepedrxine gcahnes i a leif dan sniemem in fvei a22odyl-er- 'vei rttele sah. Cema wetnad how plya pdciisernto dna owlud oen ym neon ifel way oalmts tou of it ot i e)(hw!w 'its plna hesto uetr ynufn adn tuo othhutg. .

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