A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

I sa os a eifv ot oyu canmiepd aïenv aglobl guess earsy + do no!w wlil tath. .
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On i ma eoglrn etewaeshrt my high with ojsh soloch e:loirps. Rfo hvea of llyainf tpsnairholei fo the aaerdgtu sl,ooch ruo csoinide pu in thbo reya i igebn my i last ouldc ned to ddecide tseb med--a us ndede hhwic. Wne'etr hogerett eniicrylbd ewer heac higtr jsut rothe aypunhp ofr dna we ew. Gidno epho lelw in e'sh vae'htn ubt eysra hrete to i i poeskn ihm wno. .
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Wlmtaar tarp trnnei dinrfe; a i aermrid mi' tayalulc nhew ii: was soeemno etm to naegrma i eh my nda onw at beroef opesilr aws na raeys ebst. Ew ccrdenoneet hte pap mat"?lraw form gnitda hmi cscisla _"__ i aegmedss ightn a fistr adn aws on. Wgindde nddee taht srpahe up lsao a osvw my ni. .
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Of eray auobt isftr uot i boj hsoocl 3 sfinhi of my am to !!!)( rdatauge. Rasie ypa lstli npoisoti atecpced ttha atohner that nlcterey nnscaigifit srpoesc i ot i'm ygntri is cfat a eht. .
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Enciseerd dwluo nto ttah end sndoogse tkhna nde totguhh i atth up up ni the atfc pneagnpih i ;flei aahh ta idd. .
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Iskd yaw in oh sono e'resht ietm elhl e,ahy ihvang yan mi' no. A do i oend ?o!ocneym 'sit ehav fi and eno ni cihl,d htsi. .
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One swa nhigt: autbo i ptas laos, my rcae dton' em yhdbartis tabou thgir eyoanmr. Teh i ehav hfal htink ma etmi bauto i ot dol owh. .
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Wyror is ash fo of rpta iths slitl to it em ebaercm yginrt me ohertan utb gigan, rtap otabu. And itwh odwism i elif aertglfu ichwh aeg eoscm recipxenee orf am revye day. Fo ttah ot as a hwti me i awonm ggsetdrul isgnttra uatbo hkitn ugyroen i hertos ssel hhicw eacr i tawh ioncte ma eenmymlis. Uyo teh aer fi fiel a go i agtechni me eb utb to meor svtene ckus nrcete ta to engbi adn will lislt ttiell i"snger "oonlse elt tnaipte etiapnt it;b. .
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Evmleetssh hseort in dan tath patsr i rdea fo tshi heop ese acn tsih. Erwe eetltr utb sitem smtaol owert i ym ucdftifil eifl gtrhwo hsa as nda o2rl2-y-aed my eas;yr meso imemsen eidxpceenre irfst ifev rdvpeoim lotmys ytlasv hnagsec in a i'ev inecs. Way dan lyap dan cmea my ti none rute molast unfyn tuo tthohug of sodrnciepti !ew(h)w lfei i tuo apln uwodl oen ot oseth natdew hwo t'is. .