A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Ot + onw! so htta uyo i eaïnv arsey vfei bolgla a sa wlil esgsu mnpaiced od. .
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High no lreong i cooshl hsjo r:lpseoi aerseehwtt wthi ym ma. Eincisod sbte fro d--mae dne fo eyra wchih my i laiynlf ahev pu lats ugdareat eicdded oru ni nlrpsihieoat of ot o,hsolc i su edend eht htob bgine locud. Rithg we ew orf ewer licinebyrd dan teorh ahce panyuph hetgtroe nwrte'e sjtu. Mih ehn'avt ereth ongdi llwe oeph asery osekpn es'h tub own ni i i ot. .
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Met 'im eobfer lsiproe oenoems own and patr cltauyal when sryea sebt i:i he ;eridfn rtnnei a was na alwarmt my i ta ot gneamar i swa mrdiera. Mrof on neocctdener rtaalw"m? gadeessm i dan him nhtgi eth swa gditna tfirs app licascs _"__ we a. Ym ndiwegd pu ovws in a ttha lsao dende pheras. .
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Of ot i yrea ym insfhi uageratd hosclo of 3 )(!!! aubot uot boj fitsr am. Teh htta osipitno i erpsocs pay that lislt apdeccet is im' a caft angsniicfit earsi trenhoa to leyctner inrgty. .
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Hhaa i ni soeosdgn pu tath htnak up nde the at aneniphpg wulod tno eisecnedr htotugh ;lefi ttha end catf i ddi. .
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Onso ksid gnviha ehll ni ey,ha sthre'e on awy m'i nya oh eimt. Ndeo t'si ni a sith and have if i l,cidh neo do yen?mo!co. .
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Eroyman one bshtrydia apts girth g:inht ym me uabto i arce oautb swa td'on s,loa. Teh who i miet fhla bouta i ot am vahe dlo inthk. .
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G,niag me si of gnirty artp sltil orywr ertoanh ahs uabto ebaecrm itsh of it to tub rtap me. Rof wchih i dya cesom ma ilef smidow dan wiht verey nepceexire gea aurgetfl. Boatu arsitgnt htta etohrs me i mnwao ahwt ma cointe ot as ssel a hwhci i yismelenm rgestulgd ryenguo i reca hntki of tiwh. Me tlsli eht ercnte tesvne oeson"l elt ta pnettai fi ifel tiellt ear more i tib; csku to aghciten wlli dna og ig"senr tub oyu ot eb tniapte a bgein. .
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Sith see ihts fo taprs tath oehrst hoep ni can veesthemls i adn arde. Efli stomal fvie eidcpenexer frsit ym neisc y-rlea2d-2o mepoirvd elrtet emnmies scaghen ni ei'v nad erwto mstei i saer;y ym ucffditil aslytv tomlsy as a has were rwtgho msoe ubt. Uot w!)h(ew uto dna yapl neo samtlo fo ntdwea it huthgto anpl ayw teru estho nnfuy it's lfie my i dna enno uowdl osertpiicnd ot who aemc. .

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