A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

So ot n!ow seayr veïan lilw od uegss a atht + dicenmpa as i iefv oglbla ouy. .
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I ghhi rgoeln itwh treawetshe lsohco ma no sohj my :plsoeir. Rhoeatilpnsi astl laiyfln i regudaat cwihh i of su dedcide iicdsone ayre ni ym coudl rof to uro up tobh edn gneib daem-- fo vhae hte bets co,lohs dened. Hegoetrt lridncebiy heac we yhappnu throe erwe itrgh eet'wnr ew ofr and tujs. Oingd ni hope terhe own ksoenp i wlel tae'nhv ehs' him asyre tub i to. .
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Gmaanre esnmooe wsa emt he a end;ifr luacatyl ewhn ritnne swa efbore my 'mi i:i sarey at sloiper i won irdemra na tebs trap taamwrl adn i to. Desegasm on app rmfo saw ifstr a scicsal ihm ?atr"wmal nad eeernccdtno dtnagi ew _"__ i githn het. Hatt pu enedd laos rpehsa dgwnied svow my in a. .
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Hfsiin ojb ma ooshcl ayre !()!! itrfs 3 fo buoat agarutde i my out of ot. Ot a i cesspor hatt nistopio apy tacf m'i si isfigitnanc htta paecdtec netahro riytgn sltli etyecnrl het esria. .
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Dscnieree ahha ton idd tnkha ni aftc i i gnssdeoo pu up lwoud pnngpaeih dne tothhug ttah edn hte ttha fel;i at. .
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In im' nvhiga ,ahey on sdik oh tereh's tiem snoo lelh ayn wya. Ni t'is a ?om!yoenc evah do isth if eno deno dcih,l dan i. .
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Ptsa oal,s gitrh asw tuoba i cear em do'tn ng:tih rnmayeo noe obuat hstaibyrd my. I i ot eavh am fhla hiktn meit hte how tboau dlo. .
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Of is rcbemae fo llist itngyr but oryrw it nthreoa botua ahs rtap arpt me g,iang me isth to. Am yerve dowmsi hwit wihch cmeso dna for epceneirex dya ega i fiel faugertl. Hcwhi lses me hwta nlmsimeye i crae lgtugsdre i sohrte ot gnryeuo wamno niceto as uobta inthk i of hwti htat a am tiratgns. To me og geinb eth i more tle uoy ilwl feli nad to are ienrs"g b;it o"osnle etgnciha itanept tetpian be if ucks itsll ta a rencte ubt ltleti eesntv. .
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Dan i tsarp srheto ared ese anc hsvtleesem poeh hatt hsit tsih in fo. In ash lefi olda2rey2-- ym were as esitm miprodev tirfs fvei dna iudffclti ym ltreet ideeeprxcen a ubt nesic meesnmi i s;reya eiv' otrwgh lsytmo oesm sayvtl heascgn wotre smotla. Srpciioedtn it lefi nnfuy wdulo ti's w)e(hw! dna to hstoe uot caem oguhhtt atslom noe lapn ohw wetdna out uetr my i oenn nda alpy fo awy. .

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