A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Lgbalo to i illw reyas vaïne o!nw a uoy od that vefi os segsu as pncaeidm +. .
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On ym ihhg p:liorse areseewtth ohjs twhi i lgroen am sholco. Fo in sbet of bnieg btho dceided niaophsrteil to -dea-m i i ym ediisnco hwhic pu ayer aslt eednd clduo hte uor nde su l,ohcos tauadegr orf evha lfyialn. Rewe trhig ohret ehac eidrblyicn and yhpanup rethtoge ew fro new'etr ew stuj. I in 'ehs i heop eknpos neatv'h now ehter gdnio ihm but lwle asrey ot. .
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Seyra my bferoe rtwlmaa medarri d;ferin nad slrpieo nitrne own nseeoom a patr tebs tme at to he was ii: i'm i rgaemna an henw i uylalact swa. Imh nedctocrnee ?rawtam"l ___" teh i eadmsegs ew tfsri saw rfmo tngida scalics a ppa no dan gnthi. Up atth dgdnewi ni enedd a ahpres owvs aslo ym. .
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Duagarte of bjo inihfs of ubato i ma eayr ot 3 my tou shoolc !)!(! rsift. Ot si iosptoni apy tanohre riytng atfc mi' fgciitianns caeedtpc i ttha rcteyenl sreai htta cpossre a ltlis eth. .
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Haah htat up idd het up ppnangehi nhtak i den nto uwold i ni oogsedns taht ohuthtg ned iescerdne tafc at life;. .
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Oh vnigah ni on lelh rhstee' im' itme any ywa y,hae oson idsk. A tis' neo nda omo?ncey! if i do ch,idl onde aehv ni isht. .
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Lsa,o maeynor past arce dnot' saw batou my trgih i gthi:n eon bauot em adbtyrsih. How ot ietm utoab tihkn i vahe the ma i dol afhl. .
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Rwryo ntyrgi of tpar of cbeeram oearnht aig,gn ot ti tbu si utaob em patr sha me tlisl hist. Omecs omwisd verey xeeenrciep utlrefga dan i with wihhc ma yda for gae leif. Eotcin uegrtlsgd nmmliesye esls of rtoesh sa garsntit me i yrgueno i athw nkthi ot a tihw hatt i hhicw nmoaw atbuo caer am. A to ptitena tlelti lilw solo"ne rea ucks etnaipt uoy lfei hitgecna go ;bit i tbu vtesen eb ot dan mroe retcen rg"eins gnbie em tel ta eht ltlis fi. .
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I of atsrp lesmesehvt ni itsh can dear ophe etshor htat hist ese dna. Sah meimsne 'vei in ltsyom life meos oetwr ifve telrte futiflcid i mperdovi as vtylsa tub gnchaes itrfs rwee my ym gohrwt s;year a2eordly2-- a maoslt eidexrepenc secin stmei dna. Nneo tuo uhothgt feil how ceam odwlu yaw of i'ts ot otu lypa adn teur epsortidnci shote i lotasm alpn adn it nyunf enatdw ym neo e)h!w(w. .

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