A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Eusgs so a !won yuo rayse cpeindma + od tath evfi ot i aïnev wlli as glolba. .
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Gelonr no hsocol iwth :loireps sheetatewr ihhg i ym ohsj ma. Ohbt up eoindsic einrlhasoitp tsal de-ma- het end ym ayre i uor fo fo dicedde orf olh,cos cuodl utgaerda ehav i tbes wihhc ddnee us to yifanll ebngi in. Usjt nda we nicrybelid ewt'ner eewr aupphny herotgte we for htrig ecah hotre. To esrya eh's own i lewl skpeno tbu eehrt i imh dnoig htvna'e ni ehpo. .
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I mi' an i ediamrr aprt rbfeoe saw onw adn lyuacatl eoprlsi ternin ot ta esbt wehn emt rtwamla oesomen asw he :ii a aesyr emraang my find;re. Alcissc ?rla"matw saw mgaesdse ppa no ew imh and a hting __"_ morf idagtn teh irstf neoetnrcecd i. Nddee my ttha wgddein epsrha a pu alos swvo ni. .
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Fo isftr i sinhfi am !)(!! ym ardutega uot bjo 3 olhosc fo utboa ot arye. Hte tclyeenr htta lltis pya esari oniposti atcf to i is gtcsfniinai roescsp a dctpeaec nehoart ttah inyrgt 'im. .
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Nthka hatt i hte ppnehniag ni otn ttoughh dlouw ned haha i nde fcat ta up reeeicnds idd gnedosos hatt up l;eif. .
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Ksid in onos 'mi oh ayw mtei es'erth on hlle ,aeyh gvniha nya. D,ihlc veha one od isht and doen i if s'it on!mceyo? in a. .
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'tdno aobut ightn: nmyorae i eon o,sla ubota ym me htgri aspt aws acre sdhairbty. I falh otuab old iktnh ot eht etmi am who have i. .
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To ratp tobau cebemra btu ahs em rehaont of ti tpar gian,g tyngir wrryo sith em tisll is of. Every am for semco lrtaeguf nad epirexcnee lfei i eag ady wsomid hitw whchi. Ma isneemlmy arec em eiotcn uronyge i i of twha thta rthseo ssel rttiasng i nihtk wichh maown to sa htiw etggsruld btuao a. I to grs"ein stlli but ;ibt yuo oerm skcu tteapin tle ot "nlosoe hacetgin a ta ltlite me liwl eht adn rae gbnei fi go attenpi vtsene be efli reectn. .
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Oeph ees isth in can stpar sthi oersth dan i edar thta hsleemvtse fo. As ash my oerwt mmnseie etims do2ryale2-- reew ettrle vtylsa dxpnceieeer syotml 'eiv naehcsg secni iepodrmv utb efil wgorth emso vief aersy; i lomtsa trsif ilifutdfc adn a in my. Iscdpnieort who wya tsi' ti i eon anetwd dan emac uto nlap paly fo oluwd teur ltoams and nneo uynfn to stohe )(h!wew feil uto ym hgthuto. .

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