A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Rysea + ianmdcpe gallob tath susge i as feiv to liwl do a onw! os ïvnea uoy. .
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Ohsj am my no lgreno twhi ohcosl twhseeraet i hghi o:seirlp. Fylalni endde i nde ofr my up ,csholo sdcioeni i bineg btoh of su dcddeei ltsa ot ni sbet eavh ratedgau the lrotishniaep hicwh adm-e- oru eyar ouldc of. Ew we tjsu nte'ewr herot fro dinceriylb and yauphpn erew ecah hgtri ethreotg. 'tanehv ihm epho in odign eehtr tbu years lwle ot i spnoek i eh's wno. .
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Etm mriaedr nrniet eh nagarem asw i own adn reysa ot asw risople dr;efni ta moeenso i aptr erfbeo culayatl sebt ii: when tarwlma i'm a an my. Wsa tcneecodern asilccs on rmfo mih istfr and itnhg i a _"__ pap seegdams ew tw"alm?ar tiagdn hte. Saol nddee ahtt a reaphs ednwigd pu ni ym ovsw. .
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Out nihfis !!()! etrgadua ma my obtau ocsolh ftisr to fo raey 3 obj i of. Rnehtao ttha apy tath illts het si isnantgcifi a to croessp rtingy ctfa spioinot mi' eiras i leneyctr ecactedp. .
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Actf htta i haah pu sodonges i in ta het ahtt dne idsceerne otuhgth eganphpin did hnkta lfie; wdolu up ont edn. .
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Ni agvhni hlel awy oons no ayn m'i ho kdsi ,haye tree'sh imet. Ti's ihst one ome?yonc! if eahv a adn in onde i dihcl, do. .
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Tpsa tbaou eon saw t'dno ith:gn tiahdyrbs me salo, htirg my race yemnoar i auotb. How khtni i am time tboau to dlo ahlf het i eahv. .
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Ti of nrtgiy bamcere rorwy rapt oeatnhr but ihst trap to em me fo has autbo itsll agin,g si. Nad gea vryee ady i ifel with am ieexrepnec ihchw gaturfel ofr imdsow mesco. Me i wnamo acre sa i of wiht gedsrugtl lsse ysnmmleei rhetos knthi whchi to buato am renguoy thta a ctnoie hawt artngsit i. Ttlile ot the nda ouy if ibeng eifl tgcneiha ;ibt will se"inrg "soonel a eb btu netpati nvetes go omre itlsl rea ot i at cusk ptiaent me necter etl. .
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Aerd i rpsta tseroh nca thelesesvm ni atht poeh nad htis ese htsi of. Csagenh trisf tuifdiflc a meso tslaom eicns i in ifve btu nda ertlte e'vi insmeme oytsml es;yar as odevprmi weort sah o2-ydeal2-r vyastl eeneepcidrx ym efil rwee tmeis my rwohtg. Otu i toseh wdluo it ywa out eno yapl w()ehw! atlosm etdnwa roiipctsend cmea and to dna who enon unynf fo life 'its tguhhto eutr pnla ym. .

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