A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Glolba lliw fevi a !now htta so + ouy to od sa neaïv sgeus i esayr eidmpnac. .
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Ocohsl ereawettsh lroeng my thwi am hjso no srilp:eo i hihg. Uldoc i us sbte eray het of ym eaipihotlrsn ihwhc i enigb ndede fo cideedd adgeraut htbo sho,lco lnfaiyl orf uor denciosi tals a-de-m ni end up to aehv. Irhtg upypnha cahe t'ewnre we ewer jtsu rblniyeicd ew etrho for htortgee nad. Rsyea llwe e'hs nth'eav rteeh i to i tbu ni won eosknp mih dgnoi eohp. .
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At etm ym :ii ot tucyaall wsa nienrt na im' rwmlaat ptra ngarema a esyar losriep nwo esbt i e;ridfn adn i eh beofre oensemo asw earrmid wnhe. Mhi tnercdecneo a ew rifts romf pap i wsa no "alwart?m ngdtai adn acslsci itghn ___" teh smedsage. Oswv igedndw ttha ym ni aosl endde rasphe up a. .
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Of fisrt shoolc to sinhif !!)(! 3 aeyr aagedtru of i bauot ma ojb ym otu. Ngfciaiisnt teh ttha ypa rsaei a nrleecyt mi' psntioio aorneht cdpcatee gytirn isllt to caft eprsosc hatt is i. .
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I wloud hatt hte edn ;fiel in ned up nideesrec ogthhtu ta piahpneng did gsosodne ctaf ton htat up ahnkt i ahah. .
.
Ayw nghvia ni hell soon isdk yaeh, mi' ets'ehr ho any no temi. !ceo?yomn in oen ts'i adn hvae i if dnoe ,icdhl iths a do. .
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Inght: saw abtou rigth marnoye em oen ls,ao otd'n my i psat care rdsytaibh obuat. Htnki the eimt i hfla ubaot old vaeh ma to i who. .
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Of htsi me itsll aprt sha it part ot ornteha oywrr bcermea me tub nyigrt of tboua g,gnia is. Rof secom adn irnexpeece tfurgale thiw ega lief i iwhch iosmwd eyvre ma ady. Tath awnom a ma i ggrltdues i cear nceito hcihw to em kithn tiwh tsoerh ntgisrat fo nyrogue sa hawt atobu limeenmys i essl. Teh a csku i s"eonol ouy go be dan tslli gnctaieh liwl ear itb; aitnpet egbni etevns ot ubt tel if ecntre littel niesrg" flei ta em tetniap ot remo. .
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Ese htseevelsm ttah sthi i adre fo nac ihts dan srpat seroht ohpe ni. Btu evi' as adn hrwotg svtayl elrtet etowr has ni are;sy rewe imset ifve a--2eyo2rld esom ym echasng i oedmvpir cneis a erienxdeepc ym trsif uiclfftid alomst neeimsm mylost flie. Ludow out ti iefl oen utothhg my ot neno woh acme lmtsao pdesnciiort aylp ist' atwdne uyfnn wewh!)( dan fo teohs way uot i dna plan utre. .

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