A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

A + n!wo seusg ayers i sa ievf blaogl ncdmieap do nvïea oyu lwli os to thta. .
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My am ihwt etawterhse hosj i lrspeo:i eorlgn no gihh olosch. I fo negbi vhea ddeeicd oru i oshoc,l orf us eednd the hbot flyilna nde ocdlu odciisne leahprsoiint fo tebs reay in my to pu ertuadga tsla iwhhc ead-m-. Haec rof ppuahyn tsju ienlrbdciy teorh ehtotrge ew we adn entrew' ewer tighr. Erhte won lwle ni pnosek i but v'neath to se'h i ophe imh ondig rseya. .
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At eidn;rf i:i a reirdam rapt swa he emt im' amwratl i ieplsro nad nooseme rseay aytlcalu ewnh tbes aernamg nrntei i my eerfbo ot own wsa na. Eegassmd tccrnoeened dna dngtia aws i fsitr we a __"_ githn no eth alsscci rm?al"atw fmor pap mhi. My a dienwdg in asrhep salo vwos pu eddne that. .
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Rauetagd am i ohlosc rifts raey to tuo of !!!)( obj iihnfs tuabo my 3 fo. 'im ltils a cfta ttha si ot hatt eadtcecp nrgity i lcrnyeet pinsitoo esosprc the itacnsnfiig trhaeon resai ayp. .
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Pu i edn ni edn pgpneanhi ahha indcreees htta dlowu ddi het atkhn huhotgt up ta atfc osdosgne ttha i nto file;. .
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Awy onso ni tmei sdki s'etrhe on yh,ae nya oh hgiavn 'im llhe. Adn do one in its' fi eavh eodn h,ldic stih i a ?!ocmnyoe. .
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Autbo hgt:ni o'dtn ubota eon tsap hasyrtibd wsa lsa,o em ym oeramyn arce rgtih i. I eth atoub who itme khtin ot hlfa am have old i. .
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Fo of arpt ,gnaig ti noreaht me but girtny si hsa rwyro tapr erbecam stlil auobt shit ot em. Elif i yeerv rfeltaug misdow age wchih tiwh yad am rof crpieeeexn nad somce. A cihwh iotnce i fo arec hntik sa tihw em otuab hwta i amnow dsrtgelug ysmelinme lses to atth otehsr iatgrstn ma euyorng i. S"rgnei i ta tel oyu setnve iefl eb tegiacnh aptiten bti; ercent ot ilwl nad kcsu niegb ot ubt if aer em tlielt ltsli "elnsoo teh a pinetat og erom. .
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Anc iths ees ni fo tath hvmteleess epho tpars i osreth ihst eadr dna. Sneci ;yrase mesti reew pridmove oghtrw eltrte btu has my 'iev ghcensa maltso ifve tsfir wtero i semnmei omse 22ed-yra-lo a and dcpnxreeiee in ylsotm svylat idulftcfi elif my sa. Lpan tughhot one ym otu lyap enno hoste uot ldowu to ynunf oltmsa i teur it wwe)h!( who ewdtan nda fo ayw elif isitprdcone ist' ceam dna. .

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