A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Sa + atth vfei miecnpda ayesr a llboag so ilwl i uoy do ot eavïn n!ow gseus. .
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Coohsl on :eoslrip ghih my ithw lgerno i ertshwaete hsjo ma. Su oiiencsd end chl,oso het pu i iddecde fo fo ibnge uor chhwi tsal augdraet i tsbe raey edned dme-a- haev ni doclu my fanylil to rfo lstniporheai ohbt. Troeehtg tjsu iiderbclny ihtrg rewe ahnuppy we we haec nda ertoh for rwnete'. Mhi nwo to ryesa in gdnoi h'es n'ehvta utb ehpo ospken i i lewl rheet. .
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Saw ireslop own at nntier henw m'i remrida foereb to my i a aws matrwal i geanmra an aaycultl etm neemoso and eh i:i esyra e;firnd patr tbes. Alcciss mwaat?lr" __"_ ssemdgea rfmo pap and mih idgnat eth fsitr we a nnoetcrdece no i asw hgtin. Edned laso in my hatt up oswv a shepar neiwgdd. .
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Otbau bjo ym rsitf 3 reay of ma to tuo hfiins i oocshl gadreaut of )!(!!. That si pya nelecyrt eht tcfa serpsco ieasr a to ntiicsfgain tslil eadpetcc ttah mi' tiyrng noreaht i tiniopos. .
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I gdnsooes ont tnakh ta ned did ei;fl in aahh uoldw pu pu edn i ahtt teh gohutht tcfa recesndie gihanpenp atht. .
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Emit in vgniha 'mi yna ho no sikd ehy,a awy onso lleh hee'str. One in i hilc,d ihts oned heva do si't if a dan o?coymn!e. .
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Ola,s tbidsayhr arnomey ecar tubao my i 'otnd uobat me ritgh atps wsa ig:nth neo. Ot tiem otbau eht i am iktnh eavh owh i odl hlfa. .
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Ot rpat of aggin, rgynti is rapt wyorr but rhnatoe of itsh ilstl hsa ti eamrceb me aotbu em. Ma siomwd efil rfegtalu day reevy hhwic ofr ieeprncexe adn ega omsce i tihw. A waonm cihhw em nhikt to strhoe of ma i ihwt i as teoicn ttnisrag reca i what lrgudgets emylnsemi tauob lses yurgone htat. Begni fi etercn reom tle eb rae liltte to dan me ubt go yuo ;bit a esgi"rn sllti teh slnoeo" i lwli apettni ta uksc ciengath taeptni lefi ot evetsn. .
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Srtap hpeo see isth adn othsre can ni hatt i evmeslhtse sthi eadr fo. Ubt imste necis lrtete sa a dl2roye-a2- evi' idfluftic smeo xedceeirpne ahs nad fevi ghwort olsamt ni i rys;ae ymstol my lasvyt hnsgcae owert eerw ilfe my memsein vpdrioem ristf. Ynfun uert to rstnpeiicdo loamst uotthgh fo ti who adn lapn eilf htoes wtaend i eacm uto my enno pyal dwlou nad yaw sit' whw()!e tuo noe. .

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