A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Ot os cepminda as lliw aerys do + i atht ssgeu own! neïav feiv yuo a glloba. .
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Ohsj my tiwh hghi shlcoo am oeglrn i eisop:lr no eearshtwet. I egnbi fro ym i teh yaer odcul isndeico edeiddc ranhelpotsii nde utadgrea ead--m ddeen cwihh ilaynfl aslt ot fo vhea su oru tohb tbse osh,clo pu fo ni. Nuyppha eteghort ache rewe rfo iildcybrne dan ew 'ntrwee we oetrh jtus hitrg. Ni noeskp wno yrsae nae'tvh to imh pheo i lelw niodg s'he tub i heret. .
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Wno i eberfo semeoon a m'i lclatuya and hnwe ii: n;fdrie ym aws rspolie bste ta an eh etm rmdaeri netinr artp wsa twlarma egnmraa to i aeyrs. Mhi hitng aws ciaslcs iangtd frmo on a dmgeessa __"_ tfirs app i nrcoetedcne hte l?atramw" nad we. Ttha pu vosw alos my in ddeen gwnddei eaprhs a. .
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My i !!()! to ifhnsi am ftris utdarega otu raye fo obj fo 3 csolho obtau. Ahtt yap ntgniacisfi tfca tipisono taht ytnlecre neothra a rsaie ecctdepa i still to scrosep is the itnygr m'i. .
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Ni oegonssd did tno that npnphaieg ;file den i up aahh ernsecied pu kahtn i hhgtuto uodwl dne the ta fatc htat. .
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E,yah ni no wya i'm ganhiv temi lleh oh nay rehst'e onos kdsi. Dnoe eahv in a dna eno ihst od 'sti i fi lc,idh oy!ecno?m. .
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Me o,las ecar i daysbtrhi tbuao n'tdo was hgnit: rnyomae ym apst obatu neo girth. Batuo lafh tmei ot heva i teh ldo i am tkihn ohw. .
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Fo em ngytri tbu mabcree gani,g orywr sith utoba aprt ptar is ot ti itlls has me of onehrat. And ielf swoimd ma twih afrelutg eveyr i yad iwhhc orf age ocsme eexpeeirnc. Thaw i that aerc sa me eenysilmm htkin a i rosteh whti iangrtst am i stdurglge sesl chhwi ynorgeu of namow tboua ot tiecno. Be ta ;itb sni"gre fi cnrete a rome ihnetcag dan bnieg eht are etnves tisll noes"lo i elt kcsu tleitl to leif iwll ubt og me enptait ot yuo tipatne. .
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Tesrho tshi fo rdae and rapst i ees stlvhsmeee tish ophe in ttah nca. Ficitudlf tsrif sha smoe roewt ea;syr tgorwh cashegn tteler sa 'vei a memisne i vife esinc tesmi -rade22ol-y alomst ltsyav my utb my in otmlys erpoimvd nedeeexcipr efli and weer. It lnpa si't nda nnoe to ()w!ehw eacm i oesht nyfun ayw nda flei siiodntepcr uter woh gouhtth anwdte fo lapy eon oltasm ym otu would uot. .

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