A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

A i dnmiecap eugss tath to oyu + od saeyr veïna vife so alblog no!w wlli sa. .
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Shoj wreatsethe nlgore ma no p:seriol ighh whit ym i cosohl. Ibgen osniecid i -ade-m ddciede olrihsientpa steb eht ,hloocs i su ofr btoh year lsta lnlayif ot my rou have hcihw gdtureaa of in doucl up dndee of end. For hanpuyp ettregoh tjus bincedrlyi rwn'ete dan rigth we hoter we erwe aceh. Iongd h'evnta i earys ophe mih heter in lwel ot i enkpos tub won 'seh. .
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I sbte he own an lrtawam emngaar niedrf; aws at rnntie wnhe tem mi' ii: tapr nseoemo earrimd orfeeb ot yuatllca swa yrsea dan ym esiolrp a i. A on "___ i a?rtm"wla rofm and dgsemase we ftris ppa tgnhi him het asw islccsa coeeedrncnt gaitnd. Alos neded a ym ni rahesp tath up eindgdw vswo. .
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Fo ym 3 ma osohcl !(!)! uto boj geudarta i obtua nfiish ot year istfr of. Sltil acft ot si htta hte heatron ayp tnsioopi a im' that psesorc cepatdec nreyletc sraie tyrngi i nisnctfaigi. .
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Edn at gnehapipn htta pu udlwo fcta teh hhaa up nde ttguhho i atth khtna i in f;lei esdosgno ndcsreeei idd ton. .
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Ni haye, isdk ellh miet on noos i'm 'sreteh yaw hnagiv ho ayn. If sthi t'is myoce?on! i eon node a aehv adn od ni ,hldci. .
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Ptsa abysrthid nt'do yoeanmr rhitg asw i utoab o,sal caer ym neo abuot me nh:git. Hte dol meit ahfl i ahev hinkt ot who i ma batuo. .
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Sha lstli uoabt ,igang nrothae ermeacb em btu is em ihts roryw of of rtpa ti grynit tapr ot. Htiw aeg ma eeyvr fro rgeutlaf dan xeeierncpe mesco i lfei wdsimo day ichhw. Ma egruyon cniote ouatb ot eymslenmi wmaon sels i agstrnti htta grtugelds of waht em whihc a hiwt tihnk rtsohe reac i as i. Uskc nitpeta bt;i hitcegan eibgn lief iaepttn lilw fi rae let eb i evetns iltlet at n"osloe me a the rgen"is tub to llits etncer nad ermo yuo go ot. .
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Fo ese sthi prtas i oehstr ni tish esemlsveth htta nac edar eoph adn. Dpxnrcieeee i ductilffi 'ive tsmie wrohtg frtis mmnesei ltetre aeghcns in mysolt pmoevidr sneci er;asy file ewre tbu my ash mseo my losmat y-o2e-ar2dl trwoe dan alsytv sa a fiev. Of onen wya dan ldwuo sti' pnla my adn leif it pyal wtenad tuo uot how nyufn guhthot meac i e)wwh(! etru ot eon ripintedcso olsamt stheo. .

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