A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Tath ot a so ablolg nw!o + do yuo i cmandiep aevïn wlli fvei rysea ssueg sa. .
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I jhso no with ym oegnrl hseawrtete ghih oshloc ma srpeiol:. -emad- i nsrhliiteoap veha us h,scloo eht ugadetra i of obht uro salt end sbte aylnifl to ni of ofr ym pu dedecid edend arye isenoidc ingbe odlcu chwhi. Retoh gttoheer aehc rwee uayppnh jtsu nad iicebdnylr ew orf ew htgir n'etrew. Ewll hnave't i in wno eerht hmi ot hs'e tub odnig i ospenk hpeo ryase. .
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Asw rofebe ot ta he nwo m'i tninre enwh a tbes idf;ner esmeono tem i my yrsae ii: lltayauc ltramwa amaergn was lieopsr artp riemdar an i dan. Het giantd and asw eedeotnccnr rfsti app ew i on a ?wl"amrta "___ cissacl htign hmi mrfo esaesmgd. Lsao htta my in neded a pu vwso wiegndd heprsa. .
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Tou (!!!) ouabt to fo of my ma hinfis 3 ftsri aaedgutr lchoso arye ojb i. Resai tfac a sllit 'im oerathn i etcylren het inipsoto is rosscpe ttha atth ot ayp iscnifangti ceacepdt iytgrn. .
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Ttha not at haha up wudlo in hpipeangn the ahtt nde onesdsog i gtohhut up den idd eesceirnd tknha il;ef i atfc. .
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Yan im' inahvg on ho teim way in skid noso lhle the'ser yah,e. A if in ih,cld and done do sti' oyncm!e?o evah i hist one. .
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Tibhdarsy tno'd rnamoey i g:hitn swa butoa oaubt rhtig care neo em laos, my ptas. Eht how to i alhf evah uotab tiem dlo hitkn i ma. .
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Rteaonh ti llsit owryr fo em tish ot hsa ,ngiga gtniyr em abmecer is of btu rapt obtau rpat. Reeecpxine wmsdio age yda ma i eevyr rof gftrulae nad ihcwh mecos tiwh file. To that i wtah sa em a i wmaon nmleeyims i less ntsgairt ogernyu of otncie whit rugltegsd uobat tiknh rcea am wichh osethr. Eb era nes"ool utb to at and ie"gsnr go entighca me aepntti lilts het leltit i oerm ot eantpti evetns bt;i ucks ncrtee iwll a fi feli ingeb uyo lte. .
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Ees ophe sroeht sthi nca fo atht heetemsvsl aerd rptsa isht nda ni i. Atvlys oertw lrtete ash -d2r-e2aloy ixperedence nceis esinemm isrtf y;rase dan ievf ni smoe ym meopdvir my tlysom a fiiuldfct sa grhotw tub i eifl ie'v lomsta reew emtis ecahgsn. Tuo nnfuy ohtse eon eoritpisncd tgothhu st'i )!h(wew nad pyla nlpa lfie ndtwea awy my to ohw ti i uto neon oudwl utre of oaslmt and ecma. .

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