A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Efvi naïev o!nw bgallo nemicdap usseg od sa to oyu ryaes wlil + os atht i a. .
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No ihgh my lgorne sochol i wtih ma jhos lierops: aettwrhees. Ni ym su of ihiarspleton up deddcei heav oru tboh for cihhw fo to edned i end ednoicsi raye teh geinb atls rguadeat co,hsol d-m-ea loucd inyfall i tbes. We enr'ewt yppahun we nad rewe ineydirblc fro echa sujt trgih hrtoe tteogehr. Wno hpoe to va'etnh i eh's i in tbu giond noeksp wlel eehrt reays mhi. .
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Im' nr;eidf met :ii obfree tapr latcauyl at to sroelpi eitnrn i ym nad na he saw wehn tsbe maerrdi a asw yaser mgneara awmatrl osneeom i onw. Roetennedcc hte nhgit esmgdeas pap __"_ i frsit adn we fmor agdint ccslsai hmi on awmt?lr"a a saw. My oswv edden pu ttah ni erphas a alos idedgnw. .
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Of i atgeardu tou sniihf fstir !(!)! 3 eayr btuoa ot bjo ma of ym hsoclo. Irsea i tanoher ngyitr yap im' escsrpo cininsftgia taht a tafc the rnetlcey llits ceetdcap taht piintoos is ot. .
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Thta tath doluw up i;fle riesdecen hktan het did in i i acft at nde haah ned up sogdenos ghtutho hnpnigepa ont. .
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In on ,ehya lelh yna 'heetrs ywa hnagiv eimt im' iksd oh oosn. A dan i ni od sthi icd,lh one done !?ceynomo 'sti eavh if. .
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I 'ndto batuo butao spat ynemaor me eno wsa ecra rbitaydhs tn:gih my trgih ,soal. Mtei btoua i to hte hlfa ohw i am knith vahe old. .
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Eecbarm of em hsa of it si notahre ywror buota me tyginr tarp to ihts tllis ratp gna,ig tub. Uaefglrt yad feli iswodm socme cienrpexee age and thwi chihw am yeerv i fro. Elss buota acre ylmeinmes ma i of i hciwh i tahw gsittran a yngeuor em anmwo tudggrsel sa iwht noteci nithk rhotes ot htta. Eecntr cinhgate hte csku tbu em lilw eb teiptan omer you a gbnei to i etvnes elif ltisl let era leitlt fi nda at og nteiatp itb; to s"enolo ei"grns. .
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Ttha of ees peho shti trohse eehsletsvm i dna cna hsti saptr reda in. Mosatl feiv eretlt btu ym semti doemvrpi rsfit i erwe ym nad mnmesei wrtoe necsi efli in aehsgnc ald-2y-2roe v'ie lvtasy msotly ripcexneeed rs;aey a ash iltdcfuif sa eoms rwgtoh. Nad my it nnyuf onen efil paly s'ti way dwnate mace dlwuo odsicteirnp to tuo out of one hsoet adn apln treu ohw i tthghou tlmsoa h!()eww. .

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