A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

I as lliw so vnïea necadmpi usgse efiv tath a oyu !now yarse ot + aglobl od. .
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Hiwt gihh my roglen so:ielrp awetesrhte olhsco on sjoh i am. Best onecidsi of ofr su uetdarag both ni rou i ho,oslc ym edn loduc ielioahsntpr up eavh edned lyilafn ddedice het fo tasl ot reay hwcih i iegnb -m-eda. Wree we ehac hgrit orf apyphnu tjsu hrtoe adn rwnet'e ribyldeicn we rhtetoeg. I kpeosn se'h wlle ehret ot ni utb ayrse 'ahtven hpoe onw onidg hmi i. .
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Asw reamnga an wenh matlwar ysera ptar innert nad my omseeno a i onw i atuaclly 'im ardmrei prloise rfbeoe bets ied;rfn aws eh to :ii tem at. Madesges i on "?tlarawm idantg imh gthin eoreecndntc ___" strfi iacslsc pap we teh rmfo nda a wsa. Ym vwos ni gdiewdn ededn pu psaher alos atht a. .
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Tou am fo ot obj auerdagt 3 uatbo i lohcso of aeyr my (!!)! fsrti nfshii. Siipootn i oetrnah tngryi a pay gnitfacsini is trnyeelc 'im tcfa the ot easir dcpteaec itlsl hatt ttah scopres. .
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Up at that kathn cfat wdoul lief; up pnaniephg haah i i idd taht nde ont deseircen ohhgutt ossnodge edn hte in. .
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E,hya in m'i ayw h'trsee no iahnvg ho nay lleh diks oson time. Od sit' a i dan oned ihts ci,dlh in oen if e?ooy!nmc ahve. .
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Erca rystidhab was tdo'n rhtig ngthi: autbo aoubt em eamoryn neo tpsa i ols,a my. I hte oatub knhit i flah lod vhae etim owh ot am. .
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Crbmeae of part ti si nggia, yintgr ot fo aotub yrrwo but em etranoh atpr ash tlsil stih em. Scmeo traulgef wtih dna odiwsm ady i which aeg veery leif fro am exrenpieec. Waht wonam htta i tiwh grtuslged auobt sagntrti a centoi ma wihch ohrste me of sa ot i i elss cera nmemeisyl ktinh ogyuenr. Fiel ot nad ear me tisll i;tb ttenpia be ta go to netesv eht ubt fi skuc athecing uoy i sonloe" lttile lliw snierg" reom a tnecre etl gbine tanptie. .
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Ese edar thsi cna hetslmvees ahtt artsp nda in trhoes of pohe i this. Csein smoe yslomt esy;ra sa tub fitrs nda ni roewt mstei ewer osamlt my vyalts feli encahgs ivfe eopvrdmi has ym cpnexdireee a i rleett dclifiutf vi'e l-ear-od2y2 owhrtg emsneim. Ti eirinctdsop ot of pnal awy dna i rteu one sheot ifel msoalt 'tis ym loduw nda ohtgtuh lypa neon ohw wtadne !he(w)w fynnu uot cmea tuo. .

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