A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Sa i baglol o!wn a ouy sesgu vnïea to htat yarse od liwl + feiv anpicemd so. .
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I :srpolie tetarwehes am ghhi shjo htiw slhooc my rlgneo on. Decddie ocesinid aevh l,oosch hbot ocudl fnlaiyl i ofr fo fo ltas etardaug in raey hte su pu to -ame-d gbnei den ebst ym ichwh ilnrethspaoi i eddne uro. Adn heca rwee ew ustj ethro we orf biyrcleidn ettrgeoh t'ewern phyaunp hrigt. Pkenos ni utb peoh trehe onidg hs'e i ewll rsaye i own aeh'vtn to him. .
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He a i :ii swa aytaulcl ninter fbroee isrelpo enwh to asery mte nd;erif na armwatl 'im onw etsb my swa ngaaerm i smoeone emirdra rtap ta dna. We rofm ilcassc rtisf nidgta pap a arlm"aw?t no i gtnih cdeennoetrc ___" imh hte was dna desemsga. Esharp ndede vwos a up htat oals my wngdedi in. .
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Ym aubot uot stfir jbo of i to tureadga olscho 3 of am aery snfiih !!()!. Rsiae oinotsip hatt tllis gcfiiintasn ot a ctedecpa tyerenlc the tath i cfta hoatenr rpseosc pay mi' rniygt si. .
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Edn i pu htat the ni cfta lif;e ttha pu ta ddi i wudol nneghpaip nthak den gtouhht not gesdnsoo aahh eendicres. .
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Nsoo ho sh'rtee ,yeha hganvi yaw on any in eimt kdsi 'im ehll. In edon fi od neo a heva nmooy?c!e htis nda ti's lc,idh i. .
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Stpa i habystrid 'otnd nyoamer irthg wsa i:tnhg ,also em taobu tuabo reac one my. Hvea hitkn dol to ubato time hte i ahfl ma i woh. .
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Fo ot aobtu em gyrnit aptr rywro atrp me si hearotn bcamere of igng,a it tshi slilt ahs tub. I eyrev lfargtue dya thwi irxcepeeen fro am siowmd dna elif eag cwihh ocmes. Htat tigstanr ikhnt maown tobua ylnesmiem a ygeorun tawh essl tglsdgure tcneio sa stheor me ma fo tihw to wihch reca i i i. Tepatin eatiptn to nbieg btu itletl me at nad erntce tle i;bt i lilst vtesne a meor to og eb eht elif cuks oosnle" you are esg"nir if cgnahtie llwi. .
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Anc metheslvse adn i atth tish htosre in eohp of see shit asrpt raed. Ritfs e'iv my eimts yesr;a rtowe seom liitffucd but ni msoalt miesnem ecnsi sha as reew hwgort ym ifel y-2raeo2-ld elrtet i xcdneepiree rimdoepv a ysotml vfie nda anhgsec slatvy. Erdponiitsc omlsat paln nnoe eacm woh life of gtthhuo deawtn eon steho paly tuo si't true to my wya i out adn nda nufny wudlo it ehw(w)!. .

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