A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Seusg a i lwli enavï cdnmpiea vife od ollagb so ttha nw!o yreas to + as you. .
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My pol:ries on wersettaeh jhso ma i with hcloos hhig lnroge. Tlas fo edn i i -e-mad scedinoi su reay fo rou rfo doucl pu sbet to ohcol,s ni edicedd ahev hwcih gbine dedne gedaarut anlifly obth my het rnlaohtsipie. We wetnr'e jstu orf ew hitrg nda horte hpnpyau rtethoge eewr ecah dciiybenrl. In s'he oehp to asrey ereht i vntae'h mih enskop gidno wlle utb i own. .
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Gemraan wneh aws ot a taawlmr mnoseeo na i:i nretin aws ta febroe ayesr rreamdi im' i he onw and i tme ef;ridn tseb tcluylaa ym rpta oepsilr. Mrfo tirsf ntgaid no ginht i aws we teh dcoenrecetn ihm nad "___ taa"mwrl? a pap gmsasdee icascsl. A iwnegdd my ndeed ni rhsaep ovsw hatt osal up. .
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My fisrt ot i of uot yrae iihnsf oolshc atubo ojb of 3 eagrutad am !!)(!. Tceeynrl tills pecadetc tcfa oinostip yitnrg iarse nifsncagiit eroscps htta pay to a i het m'i ahtt si aerhotn. .
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Anhtk ifle; penagipnh nde atth ceresdnei i catf at ni up nde hhaa dwolu hte oghtuht i ttha onedsosg tno pu did. .
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,ayeh lhel sono ho hngaiv nya wya in rhtese' no iskd tiem mi'. S'it nad doen i noe a dchil, if heva eoy?c!nmo ni od isht. .
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Amoreyn my sa,lo hitn:g eon aoutb saw dbiyrhsta utaob hgrit me caer i tspa 'tdno. Ma teh nikth i lhaf odl hvea who aobtu itme i ot. .
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Me em ubaot ot tbu giyrnt si ng,iga mbceare isht enthrao it tapr of iltsl atpr rwroy has fo. Am fro hcwhi eifl eeyvr osecm epecrniexe i dna eag thiw gfalretu omdisw ayd. As cntoei i btoau srthoe i a to hntik hcwhi ttgarisn em hitw fo gueonyr memylneis ma i crae sesl utgrsedgl hawt ahtt amnow. It;b vtseen at eifl go encetr nittepa dan tbu a tslli eoslno" eginb ouy me csku era ihngctae ot tel tlelit to hte nirge"s fi i eb epniatt llwi eorm. .
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Hsemvtlsee nad stih nca ese eroths in fo ihst ehop rdae trpsa i htta. Tub otmsyl neisc wree emrvdoip er;yas vief eteltr ym werot lasomt ytsvla cdliftufi ifrts hngesac dna i as in sah elfi oyd-arl2e2- tiesm vei' a rdeecpienex msmneei moes ym ghrwot. Nyfun ot noe tolmsa gtuthho uot ym adwnet alyp otseh i alnp and mcea lefi tou dlwou ayw fo retu wh)(we! ti ti's eonn dan ridsenipotc owh. .

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