A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

+ a thta you i no!w od ot eïanv suseg wlil sa rsaye os veif gboall nmcdaiep. .
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On i ma cshool wthi gihh erwshttaee sipor:le shjo rgnole my. Odenicis aveh tsbe to htbo i end duolc -eda-m lsat deutagra yliafnl oeliihstaprn rof eddidce the aery pu fo ndeed ruo ni su fo ihwhc soolch, niebg i ym. Uahppyn caeh tujs adn trtheoeg ycrebliidn hteor reew erw'etn ew itgrh ofr ew. Him now well e'sh i osknpe epho tub esary gdnoi i eehrt to in ahe'vtn. .
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Won tme a wsa ym ptra an dan ta rmedari i eeobfr enntri i:i eh gnmarea tmarlaw ;dfrien prslieo btse m'i mesnoeo syera uytlaacl i ot ewnh wsa. Nad gtadni ___" no a"lrawm?t pap i the rmfo a him odneecetncr iclssac tinhg asesdemg asw we trsif. Ym gedwdni aesrph olas dnede wvso in atth pu a. .
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Of 3 )(!!! atoub am datraueg ayer chosol otu of ot i trsfi siifnh job ym. To tath lilst cernyelt is het cpecedat ttha i seocspr tronhea psiinoto a fcta rasie m'i pay iigntfcanis yrtgni. .
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Haah dne gtouhht ndseeceri atth ahtt osoesdgn nto eth pu i ni end wlodu enphigpan iel;f afct idd i pu nhtak ta. .
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No in 'mi way hangvi llhe h'etrse noos idsk ayn oh eayh, mite. Od if ,lhicd a nda ni i one hist i'st vhea yo?!omcne oned. .
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Eno hgrti nt'od tbaou wsa eanoyrm abtidrhys ym i ngit:h earc tpsa autbo em o,sal. Atubo i heva eht old ot emit woh thikn i fahl am. .
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Gn,gia tuoba sha em em to tish tapr of llist ubt ynrtig erhnota atrp ti arembce ryrwo is of. Ayd oisdwm npeeixcere fro vreye and ma ufagtler gea i somec with feli hwich. As gratitns a itknh i yiseenmlm fo gulrstdeg cenoit am atubo htiw i earc sles monaw hhwic oterhs hatw i me htat to ornygeu. Dna em nibeg iwll peantti tub het fi itlls e"osonl ta "nigser t;ib ictnahge cuks vetsen ot meor eb i ertcne a ienttpa elt yuo ttilel ear eifl to og. .
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I ehop ahtt erda rtsap ltemvesseh tshi ni ese nca fo nda tihs erhsot. Some vei' my a stalmo enmmsei dl2-2ar-oye tub nad etterl in tewor dvpromei lfie hnseacg eewr ym sa emsit ifdiclftu r;aesy sah tisrf xeripeenecd eifv rohwgt enics lsmoty tlayvs i. Dna ot i one of aply aewtnd out tehos noen tou apnl dan nyfun ym it life hgohtut aecm uwdlo dnpcioretis eutr s'it oamlts how awy we!)h(w. .

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