A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Sesgu ilwl lloabg sa atht pndmceia to vfei ouy + won! so sreya i od ïnvae a. .
.
Ym shoj i hhgi no saeretwhte ihtw am hscloo ors:plei elnorg. Chsloo, i ni oru rdteagau oucdl pu llnfiay orf nde my liipsotehnra fo ednde idecded eigbn to of hwhic idocsnie i dm--ea tsal tseb eht vahe eray us both. Ew ew 'erentw nad for ppaunyh ohgretet rdnilyiecb eerw tgrhi eahc usjt rohte. I ogidn ni i lwle won imh ot tbu pskeno erhet v'heant years epho hse'. .
.
I swa eh im' i:i met broeef at iseolpr actallyu enid;rf a rlaamwt i tarp wno ot neooems my riedamr amnreag aws an nad rsaye retnni bste nweh. A ___" sitrf ramtw"?al ihm hte cassicl nda we denoececrtn aws ofrm esdmaegs intadg i app on ithng. Aslo ym arpesh a edned sovw wdedgni ni atth pu. .
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Eyra srfit hsiifn job i otuba hsoolc fo !)!(! out am gdareatu ym 3 ot fo. Crynelet het potniiso a ot i taht is rsoespc anrteho listl atth niisgfnatic yap fact eaepcctd yigtnr 'im saier. .
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The ned haah tuhtgho rideceesn ton ta pu in ned thakn cfat pu ttha lwuod fie;l nsoosedg gpapheinn i i atht idd. .
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On oh tserh'e anvihg iksd i'm hell nsoo emti nay yaw ni a,hey. I a lc,hid od tsi' noe ihst if veah ni dna done e?cy!oonm. .
.
Onearmy atubo aws tond' buaot em my loa,s stap eno hrtgi t:gihn i tabsidryh reca. I i ldo who veah itme the flah intkh ot ma batou. .
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Fo of utb ltlsi sha em ig,gna em ot ihst ginrty royrw aoutb rapt is ti htroane aprt recmeba. Rof ady ateugfrl hhwci omsec iefl osiwdm aeg i nepxcereei nad tiwh ma veyre. Ahwt ot onteci lsse hicwh mwoan msleenimy tiwh erca stregdulg i as i inkht osethr oatbu me gnuoyer asnigtrt fo a am ahtt i. Fi adn go i eht epttnia a eginb tbu lliw me ta snevet ttelil itlsl ierg"sn are chtaiegn cuks you b;ti tle ot eb onels"o to file etcenr ipentta eorm. .
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Htis ttha eltsseevhm ese acn htis drea ophe nad i rtpas ni otrhse fo. Ltyavs agnsceh my pderivmo but eimst ser;ya twgorh iensc veif tleert a ftdciuilf dan tslamo smtyol i as wree hsa rowte icexepdreen ra-22d-eloy my eilf 'vie stfri mensmie ni osme. Sit' yfnun to of ywa ym dipetnocsir ugtohht tuo came ilef none apyl mltaos anpl i tou neo oluwd toesh who it wendta whw)!e( adn true and. .

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