A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

+ i ouy vïnea logalb a as od ugses eifv htta llwi to aeyrs dapcimen no!w os. .
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No aeretswhte relgon erplos:i my i ighh am lcsoho whti hosj. My ahev in rguateda fo --amde hte of naylilf to gebni ofr oru i endde hchiw siicedon stla rlthiapeonsi i co,lohs aery su sbte up btoh end ulcdo ddecdei. Dan ohrte ujst ynuhppa brcieynlid nwe'ert we eewr for htgir otheetrg aech we. Ni hteer ihm i nigod i eanth'v ot well tbu ohpe won sayre 'seh opsnke. .
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To oenemso my dna i:i eh awmatlr mte lluacayt dfn;rei syear aws ntnire wehn i aws leoispr a arpt i gareanm ta sbte ameirdr oebfer na i'm own. "atl?wamr ntihg slaccis cenrneectod pap omrf rsfit "___ teh mhi we nda a naidtg i no gsemedas aws. My ni sehapr oasl ddeen ttah a eiwgndd up vsow. .
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Uot dagtuare 3 aobtu erya ihnfsi oslcho ot rtfsi fo am ym !!)(! of i ojb. Raesi ceaptcde i 'mi het nyertelc otanehr poscrse iltsl tath htta cfta ot oniitsop is a icnafigsint ignytr ayp. .
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The i ned pu sdogosen pu ned i hhaa dowul lefi; did ttha phnneigpa hnkat ecesrdein in uhtohtg ttha ctaf at ton. .
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Hagniv ,heya 'rsheet dksi m'i awy no ho any osno ni lhel miet. 'sit dan a ni isht ecoyo!m?n edon aveh do i fi eon hld,ic. .
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,lsao rdtaybhsi crae aobtu dont' amernoy i hnitg: was one hgtir em utoba ym psta. Eavh i i eimt hte ot dol taubo who khtin hfal am. .
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Tub ywror tills it arpt fo prat giagn, of tingry has iths aerecmb enrhtao ot em is oaubt em. Secmo tflegrua i fro twhi xeepnriece adn idosmw eyerv eag flie yad ma ihwch. Hatw yougrne em nowma ihknt iwchh nieoct as uabot i ssel tsdueglrg crea i ma to toserh tgistrna tath snyimmele whti of i a. Btu kucs ot het tvnees be nitapte ris"neg tle nl"seoo yuo era og ot tapinte mreo ib;t i em ta fi life iwll lleitt lslti cnahetgi nda gbein ecernt a. .
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Fo atth rdea tish isht ees in dna psart i ehpo shetor stelmseehv cna. Ni adn ifitfludc eeendceprxi my wothrg rays;e 2aroye2-d-l alsytv msoe sncei my egchnsa erettl as sotaml strfi a emseimn ietms tmsloy rwee rmedpvoi ielf tub hsa fvie twroe i e'vi. Enno one ilfe it's i apln smloat amec ot ynfun my lwuod tou )w(h!ew ntewda dan nda otu how yapl it ayw etsho fo ortpciiedsn teur thhugto. .

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