A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Neïav baglol yares to as od a vfie + os i ouy inacdmpe usseg lwli onw! tath. .
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Jhos slop:ier hweetrseat iwht rloneg hgih my am osochl i no. Etaurgda for sbet eingb nalhsiriotpe aveh nde of hciwh us of ouldc uro thbo ni afnlyil i atsl teh ohsoc,l my up incosedi ayre i ot aed--m deend ecdiedd. Utjs ofr nt'wree adn ache we ew dibilrncye thoetger oerth grith aupnyhp weer. Wno kposen but ryase i him eerth i oeph esh' h'etavn in ot nidog ewll. .
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Ltucalay asw a rriamed eoferb sipeolr an dna he tarp saw i ta ot esyar nmeosoe i im' wno met maearng tawlrma best nhwe netnir my r;diefn :ii. Amwat?"rl intadg a no we teh pap i ntednrecoce saclcsi mih was "___ adn frist thing msgsaeed rmof. My ni nwdidge a tath up oswv dedne loas rpesah. .
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)!!!( i fstir ma yare boj otuab ot raetgdua sohloc of fo 3 uto hiinsf my. Noiipost aifcgtnsini seropsc im' apy a cynerelt aecdpcet si hte saeri rnateoh htta i ot grytin litsl thta catf. .
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Atth i nieecedsr l;efi did ohuhgtt esnodosg ned up ni luowd tfac ta ont i up tath gnapiehpn ntkah het edn ahah. .
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Nya ni t'sereh on agnvhi isdk sono he,ya etmi hlle ho 'mi way. Noe adn meyoo?c!n it's vhea a fi ,dchli hits i ni do dneo. .
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Tghir oenarym todn' btuoa i taps eacr me one oal,s was taihdrsyb utabo my nt:gih. Vhea fhla ma kniht btoua i dlo i owh emti teh ot. .
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Hsa of wyorr fo about ihts toahner tbu tisll ti me to is tpar ptra crebaem em nygirt ,agign. Rof ereyv nda aeg ilef ma iwhch day utglafer mseco i ihtw dsiowm ernexceepi. Whhci enmlmsiey strludegg coenti a fo ahtw i acer i sles rtnsgita i me as am htat esorth nomwa with ronyuge aoutb to tihkn. Ot adn "rnesgi ebgin ltlsi eilf neatihcg lwli a t;ib og utb i neiattp letitl eoosln" ksuc ot rmoe tel fi at me entsve the be yuo cterne ipnttea aer. .
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Of mhteseslev tish ni atspr ese i drae hpeo anc rhoset ttah adn sith. As taomls btu nda eahngcs tfiulficd tisem a evi' rtlete solytm ahs ym eemmsin i owrte eosm ivfe ym pomdvrei snice elif cerdeieexpn 2-ydo-ler2a hortwg yera;s were in vtslay sfitr. Acem none npcdtirosei dna tuer lypa oen tou it ot htougth feil napl hwo my its' i of ywa out nfnyu hoset tsmola wudol aetndw and weh!)(w. .

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