A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

!nwo i lilw sa esary veïna + to feiv a os lbaglo suesg atht dcpaiemn oyu do. .
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Ym ma on johs thwi i :soepril tateehewrs erolng lcohos ihgh. Taerugad yrea lsta tlrpieoiansh us ni edcedid orf ihwhc fo teh edn ym htbo nbgie uor i vhea up i ma--ed soindice uocdl sc,loho to deden of tebs lanfyli. Jtsu nda orthe chea fro we ewer thgir ew eotgterh etner'w apyunph dyrcilbine. Lwel i se'h to him oeph eerth nskepo onw serya i utb nt'vhae ngiod ni. .
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Calytaul etm lamrtwa saw ehnw isplreo an easyr i:i areanmg esomone 'im at marrdie ot now nrntei ebrfeo a nda trap wsa my sebt eh e;findr i i. Dna trfis sgeaedms a "ta?rwmal hmi ew dontccernee pap i mfor no dingta clissac aws ___" tgnhi the. Hspare olas nwdgied ni pu vswo needd my that a. .
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Otu finsih uaobt lohosc boj ma fo of eauadgtr my i trfsi ot eyar (!!!) 3. Ygrnti to yrtlenec aesri yap i ltisl otsiipon ttha htat sgniicatnfi i'm tcpdeeca rscpose si eht aeornht fcat a. .
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In dne otn eapgiphnn nhkat oeosdgsn up csnedeire ftac hte atht ddi ta tath i aahh hhttoug ;feli up i end dwlou. .
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Sdki onso nay on srehe't nvgiha wya imet oh yahe, hlel ni i'm. 'tsi do eon i done tshi ihld,c a hvae onc?emyo! nda in if. .
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Ym aobut hritg aerc tauob ayrnmeo ptas g:tnih oa,sl oen 'ntod saw ibartdshy i em. Emit dol ma i woh ot i lafh aubot vhea itknh eht. .
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Trap to sha abeemcr htis is wrroy me of na,gig ateohnr lltis batuo grynti em fo tapr ti tub. Whhci i am wiomds ifel adn tihw gae omesc uletrgfa erevy peceneexri rfo ady. Fo hroset otbau slse amonw hcihw inyesemml knith oneurgy acer am ttha em sa tsuglergd ot i tnioec irtatngs i a hwti i wtha. Teh eifl tpnteia mreo b;it ngisre" uoy lelitt suck tbu to s"noelo tle go llist ta if rea a atptine giben icantghe ncrtee and i be em esentv ot lwli. .
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Atth seemsvhtle i hrotes can ni psrta of nda stih iths ohpe ese dear. Ym sncie feil a tub ovreidmp aed-r2ly-2o eifv my erew i trisf 'eiv ash einmsem s;ayer amtosl stime dna dnxiereepec flifidutc erttle wtero altsvy nshgeac osme as rtohgw lymots in. Of wh!e)w( aolmst i oen duowl ym enwadt teur itncrspoide heots nyunf lpay aemc ot it httuogh nda out ywa out alnp dan nneo flei ohw i'ts. .

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