A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

I as aimncpde sesug ogllab a ilwl os + ot nw!o do fvie anïve htat seray uyo. .
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No i thiw ighh orlispe: olchos egrlon am ewreatshet ym sjoh. Hotb up oru ebign of da-em- hcoosl, ddnee i us idedced to cuold for btse in i teh of tsla ehav lyliafn yrae my leaohnrpstii treudaag whhci sieodinc den. Ew orthe aunpyhp ache nbrliiyecd goehtter dan tjus ofr hrgit 'trewne eerw we. Imh i ot onw i ni oenksp nvt'aeh goind but seh' ysrae elwl phoe reteh. .
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Tme aws sbet and aamngre he ;dfirne to syare ii: i na ta a orbefe tnnier i irmdaer seioprl im' acultlay part wneh seoonme now ym wlratam asw. We msedesga nnteercoedc a "awatr?lm rofm aws "___ rifst teh i imh on scaislc dna app ngidat hintg. Idwndge a aosl sowv ddnee my pu hatt in rhsaep. .
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To tbuoa !!()! ym socohl sinfih fsitr i 3 fo am edartgau fo tou job eyar. Arsie trnigy is 'im i eactepcd a iifiagcsntn taht nryceelt to ahtt lsitl teh ayp tfca rscpseo itspooni hatnreo. .
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Hatt den eht pu ederciesn not pu i htat at ngphaniep khant hogutht ;ifel wluod den ni haha tfca idd sdoeogns i. .
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Wya hlel ehetrs' ehy,a nya no in kids onso inhgva miet ho m'i. I tis' tihs in adn a cd,hil do ?noemc!yo fi neod oen vahe. .
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Ptas risatbhyd i care em d'tno was osa,l itngh: one noreyam my thigr uatob tuaob. Evah hfla who outab eht i am imet i tknih odl to. .
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Rwyro reontha irgtny slilt em em hits ti part tub fo trpa ubato sha n,gaig si fo emcaerb to. Ayd veyer cseom cihhw fiel adn tulfraeg xnpeeieecr i ma orf whti swomdi aeg. Arce anmwo i ictoen fo me sheort as ihtw i a yeemsnmli tgntsria ssel i ma thta hawt eongryu tgrguleds ihwhc to atuob tknih. Me ouy inse"rg tbu eilf eth lte illett ot ctigenah ieattpn be dan ta ;tbi uskc a illw tslli og neerct ietnpat era bieng to if ln"sooe remo i nveest. .
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Of i atsrp mvtehsslee can ttha in peoh hist ees adre adn oshret htis. Ni but ecxeneipred my rthowg itesm mprivedo my etretl as sylmto eminmes r-lye22-oad gahnsce ve'i nda hsa a a;esyr oetwr ytvals iefv alotms i tfsir ielf ewer icfdtlfui inesc some. Fo otu (h)wwe! nad ti yunfn hwo gttohhu rsioiecntdp oen slaomt my nnoe payl i rtue 'its ecam wdulo lfie daentw way tuo nalp tshoe adn ot. .

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