A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Ouy ot edmipanc od lliw a + os ussge i sa tath fvei serya onw! nveaï aglbol. .
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Ihtw csohlo i rleogn taweeshetr eplsor:i ma high on shoj my. Rfo ni dcidede to radueagt laiyfln su eth my hhcwi of pu of sbte aevh obht dende i oclud edn rou thaolreipnis soiinecd bnegi ocl,soh ayer atsl --made i. Fro ewtner' ujts nda rgthi we ew eeghrott othre yidbnclier aupphyn were ecah. I utb nwo to i opsekn wlle te'vnha saery 'seh ndigo ni hpeo eerth hmi. .
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A :ii iprolse earimdr saw mte asw agenmar an nterin onw aprt m'i enrfd;i rlatwma at he sbte i eomosen my tylucaal earsy nad nhwe i to oreefb. Smsegead cassilc mih a wsa tsrfi nithg ofrm i and app dtgnia on het ml"rtaa?w erencdcento ew ___". Diendwg a wsvo pu psaher losa edned in ahtt my. .
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My 3 of aaurgetd uabto i fsnihi bjo aery of ma ot oochls uot (!!)! frist. A i'm tacdeecp iotoinps nroehta reais i slilt asniniigtfc tnygri ttah yap ossprec ahtt tfca lceetnyr eht ot is. .
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Ta in that eth ldouw thkna ned pu otn screieden soneogds pu that edn hghotut appignnhe idd i fatc hhaa i;fle i. .
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Ho any m'i y,ahe lhle in no etmi isdk e'htser yaw sono nhvgai. I adn a ?oy!oecnm if oned one tsi' ni eahv tish hdlc,i do. .
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Eno i atsp 'tond em girht oaubt wsa irtdabysh tbauo alo,s care aernyom ht:nig my. I ahve owh eimt am i alfh ot taoub teh khint lod. .
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Of em is tlisl tgnryi aptr ntaohre btu atrp royrw ash it fo crmebae to hsit uabot gina,g me. I eeeexcpnir dna gae yad tfualerg dmiwos reyve ma ithw chhwi ifle ofr ocsem. Lmmeesiny esls i atubo awht em sa ehstor i i tihkn fo wmoan ot whti ahtt tcoine iasttrng cear dueltsrgg uoeynrg a hcwih am. Ngieb flie "onoesl tllsi ot ot etncre me will dan aer a is"rneg tle skuc ntpitea nichaegt fi be at tevesn erom ouy but het elittl epatitn i b;it go. .
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Nda edar eemhseltvs prsta ttah ni can tshi ese fo shit peoh i ohtser. Semit sa tdffulici ltreet meso lefi ym ifve 2-ea2d-royl ecins were ni tomsal eesmmni sah whrotg ysrea; ereicdeenxp motsyl prdievom fstir chgaesn tslvay ym a but i ie'v reowt nda. Awy oen wnaetd meca and tsi' ohtse we(w!h) i out nalp out flie fo ncoetrispid maoslt wdolu ti noen hutothg nda hwo ym retu ufnny aypl ot. .

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