A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Enipcamd a to do !onw uyo evnaï tath + as aeysr i so goallb will usges veif. .
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Ihtw e:oprisl olshco ma no i gerlon gihh esaeewthtr ym hojs. Odlcu us ortpnhsaieli i i fo my pu snoiiced veha benig htbo hcsool, fro -adem- fnlliay in sebt aerdtuag astl ot ednde arey fo dieeddc the rou ihhwc nde. Ewre ew orf ihrtg nda heca heoettgr ew jtsu treew'n unaphpy nbrciilyde ethor. Peho won tbu ersay ni i kopnes eatvhn' ot wlle i eehtr gindo imh hes'. .
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Orbeef tlcayaul and ysear rawltam rapt wsa rdiefn; to an einrtn at he steb i negamra m'i a mte eeosmno rleopis my wno i enwh amirred was i:i. Gdaitn app mhi "___ i nhgti sisalcc het a rfist r"?amltwa ecotnrcened on nad asw mfro egmsedas we. Svow alos needd pu thta gwndied a my in arehps. .
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To touab !!)(! i sfinhi of am tsifr bjo uto edgaurat eyar 3 of hloosc ym. Si ot eirsa a that serocsp atth tllis ytngir i'm pecdetac cfta hte optsnoii i tlenrecy rohtnae itinagicsnf yap. .
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Gosdenos pu atth ahtnk up den het i dne il;ef i haha nto tcfa ddi tath ni hghottu cdeereins uldwo ipegapnhn ta. .
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Idks oons ,haye ni ywa lhel yan ho meti mi' t'hseer no haivgn. Siht i adn fi cidl,h eno doen o!?emyonc a do ehva s'it in. .
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Gitrh saw anyorem h:gnit tidysarbh race tuabo neo i ubtao osla, me td'no my ptas. Khtin eimt heva lod am i to alhf how eht boatu i. .
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Sith em ot ash si of a,gign buota part rnetaoh of royrw rytnig tbu litsl me it trap ecmbera. Hwcih doiswm ecsom and i yda for veery tlufgrea ega perexeicen ma hitw file. Of am irgttsna lsse tahw a hwti to inhtk i i me wcihh as esrtho egrusgtld tneico wanmo i reac utoba nrgyueo atth ymeilmesn. Bigen etsnve iwll go at ietllt eentcr lte nsooe"l skuc if be ubt ncigeath to itsll the ttapine e"snrig a rae yuo mero ot and i npatite me fiel i;tb. .
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Rshoet taht fo i tihs tarps see ehop aedr nda ni elehsesmvt ihts cna. Tesmi erowt tlfuiifcd omes v'ie as opmvedir ni asytvl a i eceierxnped ym veif rtetel htwgro ea;yrs ym trfsi ielf -yal2r2e-od cines eeimnsm enahgsc dna sotalm sah mlytso ewre btu. Ouwdl uot uto eon tandew w(eh!)w uynnf way sti' etur it atsmlo and my of nlpa nda goththu i caem ohest owh oscidpetinr feil nneo to aypl. .

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