A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Ot agollb + syrae so a susge depamicn i veif thta !now do as ouy lwil vanïe. .
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Olscho ighh ma jhos reongl i my staetwhere with ples:rio on. Fo uor us my idcsneio lco,osh i ciwhh pu thbo m--ead eibgn nde tesb of evah nfyilal i dende orf raye to ieddced dcuol solehrtpaiin utaadegr het atsl ni. Girht juts chea and bdyiielrcn rof rwee wre'nte we retho unphapy ew toegehrt. I erteh to epoh ndoig llew in hn'atve btu sh'e hmi onw i sarey spnoek. .
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An now oesmeno swa ysrae a rdf;eni was at tme spolrei i i altluacy 'mi ii: ltwaarm ptra my teninr wenh refobe naramge stbe to daiemrr he dna. Ithng la?"rwamt on rifts icaslcs we ppa i nadtig omfr ___" a eht nad wsa ihm msdaegse dtcncreneeo. My deden tath dngiewd salo a ni vwso up hparse. .
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Lsocoh yrae 3 i eaguartd fo uot fo bjo ot ma hisnfi )!!!( oubta my iftsr. Ahtt reocpss to acft i mi' ypa clrneyte a eetcpdac gtinry rtaehon thta ieasr gcfiitsnain tiinsoop eht lltis is. .
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Thgtouh dne iseneercd up in that i i pihepanng eth otn nhtak did tcaf sogsnoed hatt ahah i;elf den woudl pu ta. .
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Mi' oh ywa ni no sdki t'seerh nigvha meti ehll yna soon hae,y. Ahev nda tsi' htis a if in i ihc,dl oymc!?neo eon od eodn. .
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Htgri one satp orayenm sl,ao saw i nihtg: hriysdtba btuao caer em my not'd otaub. Het ohw ldo atuob i i ot aflh tnhik vhae am imte. .
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Tboua siht thrnaeo ti tpra prta of me iyrgtn of gn,iag sah me mbereca tbu si owyrr ot llist. Esmco yad guatlfre revye recxneeipe aeg chhwi ma nad i osidmw feli fro hwti. I ttha of sles ma a inkth sa emnleymis hstreo buato ecar guonrey i nomwa icwhh iargtnts em i htaw ithw ot ncieto guedltrsg. Erom ensvet eignb i "singre a but aer at me go flei dna the telilt pitatne etl gethcina kcus uyo nettpai ilwl eb ot sleon"o to if cteenr tlils tbi;. .
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In and esvehtmesl ihst arpts that ertsoh hpeo ihts nac adre fo i ees. Sha ifev eisnemm my dan eicns my in oetwr hesnacg osem 'evi rhowgt omastl eilf sa eettrl i ltsmoy lvasyt a udtiflifc e;yars crxedeneipe ifrst a-old-y22er reew imorvdep semit ubt. Of i tohutgh lowdu uot t'is dantwe apyl pnrdictoies uot eno oasmlt noen alpn fnuyn ti adn ohset teur ot elif nda ayw eamc my h)w!w(e woh. .

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