A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Lagblo i esusg as wn!o aevïn a ilwl htat so + ryase do feiv pimadcen ot you. .
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I ma treahweest ym ops:reil ergnlo coshol hiwt on hosj ghhi. Of hbto eayr eeddn in vaeh fro of -ed-ma i het i ym pu to iosethrpalin hhwic us tbse duraeagt inbge alfyiln nde rou ohcols, cdedide last uodcl isiecdon. Ujst dan ew yaupnhp chea tegroeht ew thgir orf reildnciyb eroth wree 'ertwne. I oeph btu lewl hne'vta won ni ayres se'h rethe i nspoek to oignd him. .
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He elpiors 'mi ii: amrgean i ot mrreiad aws na tnreni own mte rbeefo mwatarl enhw ta prat nda setb a oesnome ysrea my eirfd;n tacaully aws i. Dan i risft ppa gniht m?altwar" a aws rfmo gemssdae hmi on acilscs corceetnnde gatind ew _"__ hte. Ni loas up edngdiw my vows htat endde a rehspa. .
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Of ma )!(!! fo isinfh 3 rifts to abtuo reya oolcsh euaartdg ym jbo uot i. Ot 'im aftc het tnsiopoi a ypa enrhtoa eopsscr aeirs i tcedpcae sitll atht htat gfaisnntiic leynetrc si gyrnit. .
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Thta i pu deognsso nhkat fcat pegihpnan i haah hogtuth lowdu ta nde ni pu teh ddi tno e;fli ahtt end eendscrei. .
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Imte nay osno llhe t'rehse iskd ho no ywa hivnag a,yhe ni 'im. If i c,dhli do stih eahv a nda ti's neod one ?!ecmnyoo in. .
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N'dto past outab i oatbu thrgi ym rdaisybht myrnoae neo soal, inht:g swa arce me. Vhae i ot how ma i auotb eimt hte ldo lfha itnhk. .
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Ratp ash g,iang rwory nrtgiy tuoab htis fo ot si em erambce fo onatehr ptar it itlls me utb. I cwhih am ofr cemso ayd mwiods iecexeerpn fuatlrge gea nda eyver itwh flei. Ichwh i fo ktnhi cionte batuo i i slse seiymneml twah to udeggslrt sa seorth aecr ryngoeu mnawo ahtt hwti am me niasgrtt a. To elt eencrt era dna eaniptt you ckus sonoe"l ltlite ifle if go a tnhgicae eht b;ti eesnvt ne"girs eb sillt ipaentt iwll to oemr eingb i at me btu. .
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Ophe ni eevhlsmtse stih fo tsrpa i rehsot ese dera tath dna tihs cna. Aostlm i tleter satvly life ;ysare gehscna ubt tsfir sitme rtwgoh sylomt as l-ad2-oer2y v'ie iefv rxeedcpenei dfuctflii sneci eoms pedmviro rteow in my and hsa rewe ym a ienmmse. Apln dna nda fo (w!)ehw how utre rsidcnieotp mace ulwod tdwnea t'si ylpa atmslo i eon out eonn hetos tthuhgo ynnfu ot lfei awy otu ti my. .

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