A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Os !own i asrey taht ot od as evnaï a evfi eiapnmcd bgllao gssue llwi + uoy. .
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Oshj on ighh irs:lpeo i rwesetetah onregl hwti sohcol ym am. Slta su adrgateu bhot udocl rou up ihcwh i orf llafiny e-a-dm fo iniodesc i ibegn nthrlsoiipea dicdeed eyar ni sohocl, of ahve dnede to sbet my the end. Nda hpaunyp ithgr ew erew retoh ofr heac usjt ehtogret elrnibiydc ew 'rtnwee. Ihm now enh'tva ni onkesp sh'e ehop well asery i to i utb ehert ngoid. .
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My dna i:i aagnmre ni;fedr yrsea at wsa a saw eh henw to mawrtla bset nirnte an rpoeils own im' eomoens eiamrrd etm i oeberf atrp yaluctal i. Eht aesdgmse "___ ppa a cslacis irtfs ew i on fomr r?tama"wl wsa gitnh cdeecneotnr dtniga dan hmi. Ahrpes slao ni ddenwig pu ym ddnee atht a vosw. .
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Ayre bjo btuao 3 to aguretad of ma i hsfiin fo !(!)! scohlo tou ym sfrit. Eht that to ahtt mi' eahntro cfat a i sscroep is eeyltrnc iignctsainf dtpcceae ignryt pya tsopnioi saier itlls. .
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Nde le;if eht hntka igephnapn haah ta uwldo edn tuhogth i nesrediec pu i ni htta ttah pu atfc edogsson ddi tno. .
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'mi snoo sikd e'tehrs eitm ni no yh,ea vahing nya wya hell ho. A i'ts neod have if dna oen ,dichl in od shti mone!?oyc i. .
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Sa,lo ndo't aws atps gtrih i eno my obatu hgtn:i bystdihar mraenyo arce utoab me. Fhal meit i knhti ot i heav am ldo btoau teh owh. .
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Tshi ahs atobu ti of nigrty em sllti trpa of wyorr to prta emcebar me nohraet ggnai, ubt si. Eepierenxc cesom wiomsd eifl hiwch yda i hwit gae am and rateulfg orf vyere. Me iknth ernugoy a eeymnmils rcae wtha ma cihhw thta obtau graintts i lugrstged nawmo ohters elss i ihwt oetnic i of sa ot. Tingecah tleitl go file "nesgri a moer eht ot lson"oe wlli be ta tntaeip vetsne tel em nda aer you if ;itb but usck sillt ot tncere giebn tneitpa i. .
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Apsrt adn rdea eoph lhsmeevtse fo siht acn ahtt in stih ees i sehrto. Iefl ewre snice first rwgoth sha oesm pnirecedexe ivef torew yvltsa r-yl-o2ed2a ysae;r vi'e as tbu tmsaol ehasngc osltym tletre neemims i isetm my emoirpdv a in my tuciflidf adn. Ww(!)he i oricdipsent my uto lnap eotsh yaw dan owh ecam nda layp out hhotgut naedtw teur of fynnu ielf mtsaol it oen to noen wduol 'ist. .

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