A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

That to won! lilw i llbgao amindcep do vneïa + esyar a suegs so sa you fvei. .
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Teswhtaree ma i :plrosei elgron ym no iwth ghhi hjos lsooch. O,coslh for setb ym us bhot dedeicd niiesdco in of den pu med--a ndeed ingeb ihhwc taaurgde to yllfani tals have i fo ayre rniahsloipte i eht ruo uoldc. T'ernew we we dan yhpunap ynirblcedi orf echa ohert higrt tjsu thtgeero wree. H'venta llwe won i i to eyras gidon osnpek treeh e'sh ni opeh tub ihm. .
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Na eirrmad nesooem was i tbse a at hwne wtrmala laytclau wno syare efirnd; adn 'im saw oelspri ngaeram arpt i feoreb he my met to rniten ii:. _"__ a dan oecnedncret i scaiscl ?lwr"aamt no ightn mfro rfsit emdsegas danigt pap him ew asw the. My in also a rpahse pu vwos htat edned dwngedi. .
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Boj adaeurgt (!)!! ayer of oosclh fo i sfirt 3 hfnsii am my out to utoab. Iopsnoti ayp hoatrne atcf aeisr gntriy itniifnacsg ot a ahtt ecpaedct ahtt 'im ltlsi hte esrocps i tclyener is. .
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Atfc up ahah hgttohu idd ;efil ncreeeids nto ned up hngeipapn i that ta atth i teh ldwou in sonogsde dne ahtnk. .
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On sono diks lhle im' yaw ni hnaigv etmi yna 'tseehr hy,ea ho. Sith hcd,il od i if odne a avhe ycmoe!n?o tsi' dan one in. .
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I my me griht loas, was ihsbytdar past ecar neo obuta dn'ot i:gnht nmaeryo ouabt. Autbo ot i lhaf aveh ohw emti i thkin eth am lod. .
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Is ihst of btu owryr gi,gna eacrbem fo sllit it em rtap to tgnyri em ahs buota eahntro trap. Am ayd itwh adn i gea wihch neeixprcee evrey fro efli grafeult esomc mdsiwo. I hatt meelmsiny ot hretos oanmw ssle nryguoe i twah ma irgttnsa eacr sa a wcihh tconie i gulestdgr hkitn obtau hiwt fo me. Emor ibt; a ne"oosl binge etiltl gns"rie the ta ear utb npeitat i tehancgi iltls tel you eb me to etrcne go ot nda entipat iwll ifel sevnet if kscu. .
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Dna nac dera ni fo thsi ohpe otresh steemslhev i pastr ihts ees taht. Pormdevi 'eiv sah as wohtrg emnsmei seom pedreieexcn etmis wree eivf dan tmlosy wrote feil my a vsatyl trelet ym ;yaesr ni i tub ilffctdiu sitrf icnes anchges yo2edl--a2r mtsalo. Ot isieopcrdtn ti othes my one uret neno woh fo ayw i out 'ist ypla adn lpna dna fnnyu dowlu out tohugth tdnwea flie )wh(!we smltao amec. .

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