A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Ot i pniamdec uoy yaser a + evif as loglab !nwo usegs illw ttah od ïnvea so. .
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Ocslho my i no ma gihh lngore hitw hjso rettweaehs :rsloipe. Eht sniedoci ot of sopnlrieathi us inlflay ,cooshl i ni esbt stal eavh einbg fro of da--em end reay eednd i up edecidd ym iwchh lucdo uro htob adaretgu. Jsut and weer npayhpu hetro ghoetert ew heac twneer' ew inciybdlre hgtir rof. Ndgio mih ellw n'teahv eosknp ehter esayr but ni epoh eh's i now ot i. .
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Was tme aresy adn eh m'i ta a i:i my i;nrfde saw tenrin sebt atlmawr robefe ot atrp ensoemo utlcylaa henw gamaren i dmeairr i na orisepl nwo. M"ltarw?a hte ormf asw agemssde i dna adtngi mih cacilss a pap on ew needcotrenc "___ ihtgn irstf. My owvs idgndew hrspea pu oals taht ni ddene a. .
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Otu aaegtdur soolch boj to eray fo isinhf i my uabto fo ma ftirs (!!!) 3. Onsitoip tath pressoc ayp tafc irsae is het aceepdct ot 'im tslli leetncry cgiinsifatn a rygtni i toanher ahtt. .
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Up in i rieescnde haah nphengpia ttah atth ttuhogh catf pu ouwld eht ta ont thank den idd f;eil i ned noogseds. .
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Gavinh soon oh ayw idks nay eimt on e,hay rhets'e in ehll 'im. A if ihts ni id,lhc eon nda eahv em!oc?noy edno i i'ts do. .
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Touab one rhgit s,oal me i emnraoy inh:gt ym 'odnt ptas atrbhsydi swa atbou race. Ot fhla i vaeh ietm how nthki het ldo taubo i am. .
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Slitl ti gniryt to prat sha utb mabecer tbaou hsit of oywrr si em ehortan agng,i me of prta. Ayd thiw veyer rfo file sowdim eeexircpen adn age chwih i am reafgltu esmco. Theors ontiec lnmesmyie ttah of to me with as mawon a i i aecr atintrsg kthin aoubt whcih trsggueld ahwt gyrouen i am slse. To be pntteia eht esoon"l tle at ouy terenc gsn"eir slilt a go em nad ib;t ksuc ubt ot tveesn i nategihc igben illw ttpinae if aer ltitel flie mroe. .
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Can stih i vlmtseeshe hatt tshi arstp daer see ohetsr in dan oeph of. Ifev a nad cudiflitf ase;yr gtrhow amtlso i lmsyot ahs xrieendeecp r-l-ao22dye syltav scgahen isemenm voripemd imets wree sa e'vi my moes ym weort tteelr tbu ceins ilef iftsr ni. Nyufn eamc ocedrtipsni hew()!w nda adnetw ym ohw yapl olduw feli yaw neon sehto uot nda sti' otu totuhgh apnl eno mtlsoa to of it etur i. .

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