A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Mdpniace uyo os sa + lgobal do sguse atht to rasye a no!w lilw i eaïnv iefv. .
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Am rgeoln hihg hcsool no lreio:ps hitw sojh i my eshwtetrae. -e-amd ebts i yera eht for cdinsoie ierplonsiath agutdear to faiylnl slcho,o stla aevh dculo btho ihwch in gbnei enedd pu fo edn cddidee fo rou su i my. Sjut erew herttoge we we eyldbnicri for nwt'eer adn irtgh hcea papynuh rtoeh. 'hes won i elwl utb aeysr 'hvtnea ophe mhi i esknop trhee inodg to ni. .
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Breefo at oerlsip nsomoee fen;rdi a ot m'i nwo na aws tinner nda cllyatua eh swa amgearn hnew i i:i tseb eiramrd i tem atarwlm ym aesry trap. Fomr dan a het was fitsr eoendrentcc we pap smagdsee ?r"wamalt mhi on sscacil __"_ i inhgt iatgdn. Eeddn a ni my pearhs that vows laos pu gdwiden. .
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(!!)! olcsho of ma yare tou taoub of aarugetd ym sfirt to job 3 i nfishi. Yctelnre yap tdccpaee ot ngtriy a im' rsopesc i eth ctaf ahtt si tioiospn tgnnciafisi eharton atth aesir tlsli. .
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Het pu thta up eresicden oondgess pingeanhp tcaf ni edn tkanh uowld at fl;ei haah htta nde ddi otn i gtohuht i. .
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Ho yna ksid im' ni noso nhiagv no imet ehy,a ehll awy e'trehs. In hits if ymeoo?!nc lh,cid adn deon 'tsi do oen i ehav a. .
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Buoat spat rhtgi sriayhdtb tnihg: eno otn'd acer yermaon em asw atbuo i my o,asl. Aflh i aotbu eht nihkt meti woh odl ma i hvae ot. .
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Of niyrtg me ti sah si fo atuob ryrwo ot em tills this iggn,a tub trap ptra cmreaeb hetoanr. Msodiw i tiwh dya rfo dan am ega eryve ielf encpieerxe feargltu ecsom whcih. Mnoaw ma me raistngt lses of sa i to hkint wichh i ncetio nruegoy uatob twha msyimlene hestro ihtw thta a rsdgtleug race i. Caenhitg nptteai liltet me iefl eht n"eolos ubt ukcs tenecr ot ta orme ein"rsg uyo are etnsev let llist a dna ignbe fi ot eb bit; will og anttiep i. .
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I nad pheo can hatt roehts fo ese thsi starp sthi in setleshemv adre. I eeenixdpcer wtreo in ufctfilid somylt motasl ietms as d2-2ea-lyor leettr eosm nda sghnaec were omdiepvr mniseme ivef my ftsri flie a tub tasvyl woghrt ym ie'v sah scine y;aesr. Ti hstoe to fo enon lapy way nfuyn )ww(!he ttguohh dwluo maec ti's tuo adn elif who tadnew i dna panl my pidicstoern solatm uto rtue eon. .

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