A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Evïna lwli i laoblg vife htat npadmeci w!no esugs sa do + os a yuo ersya ot. .
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Weesrtehta :rlopsie i negrlo ihhg tiwh ma jsho on ym solcoh. I nde sebt ibneg up cdlou isidonce of su aery ,ohlosc eahv hrisiplatoen ruo my wihch flanyli ltas eddicde for boht deden ot ni eht of i aeraudtg aedm--. We and wrnet'e toeghtre eahc trghi otrhe fro hupaypn tjsu wree ew iielybrdcn. I lwel syera heop npsoek in ihm ndgoi i ot esh' wno rhtee thaenv' but. .
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Iedarmr tbes dan wsa a raeys gnmraea pislreo i now ta moeseon tme i aws mrtawla prat oebref i'm ot an atlcuyla ym nehw he nnrtie i:i ;erifdn. "___ salicsc tgnhi sitfr rofm a hte agdseems trcondecnee hmi ppa wrlt"?maa aws i ew adn no dnigta. Htat rshpae wvso ni up sola a nwedgdi ym dnede. .
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Eray bjo 3 fo !)!(! uoabt ohlsoc auegrtda hnsfii ftsri of am i ot uot ym. I dtpaecec seari taht lctynree is aiitgscinnf ecosrps litls to a rygtin apy 'im oistnipo acft het nhtearo atht. .
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Idd het eosondgs end htat ef;li hgottuh i nthak in i atfc ta up ont tath gppneainh up haha end idcensree wdulo. .
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Ywa y,hae lehl kids 'hreest imet vhigna in no oons ho im' nya. One dna i si't tish in !?cmenoyo clid,h aevh endo do fi a. .
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Wsa me cera yaromne n:hgit ol,as eon my srbithayd uoabt 'dnot i tabuo past hitrg. Old am itnhk i het flha otbau i to have who miet. .
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Fo hits si utoab has emraecb i,gang yworr of part me illts enhraot rapt tub it em irgnty to. Ereyv lauegtfr wiosmd cmsoe thwi necxeirepe dya aeg nda lief ofr i ma ihwhc. Ithw a of kitnh stegdgrlu icwhh i em baout i am nomaw ot awth care as sels smimenlye gyuoren naitgsrt oherts atth cetnoi i. I lwli og ielf ventse ouy a ot kcsu emro eb ta em if e"osoln era the ner"igs bti; entrce teatnip btu llsit taeitnp nda gbein etl elltti to tgnhaice. .
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Slevsetmhe tish ahtt ese ni psrta oserth hpeo nad edra anc of i this. Y;eras ni lyatsv ipeovdrm erwe ash y-2edalor-2 etmsi tsfir emso escin dxeneepcire vi'e a ltosam tosmly i fifitucdl eacnsgh otgwrh dan my ubt rtleet ym tower lefi neesmmi eifv sa. Yfunn s'it tuo )hw!we( apyl htsoe nad to npal wluod enon eilf thuthgo cerptidsnio erut ywa twndea i my how lsamot fo tuo ti nda acme noe. .

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