A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

I eïavn dnpacemi + lbogal yuo ot lilw a o!nw eifv sa do uessg ayers os tath. .
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Ghih i my scholo on ttrweaehse ma rsle:iop lrogen hitw osjh. Tonialeprhis wihhc ot tlas vhea hobt eth tesb dem--a ended su in ned uor bengi yrea isocnedi csloho, ludoc aaurtdeg i fo ofr ym of lilanyf ediecdd up i. Ewer we rbedynicil ew hreegtot tjsu nre'wet eohrt ceha apypnhu adn rfo igrht. To i imh opksne tbu eaysr gidno i ehetr phoe a'nevth own lwel e'hs in. .
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Smoeeon nder;if earsy he i aprt tbes to tlcalauy tlamarw a ebrefo an i:i ewhn ntnrei ramgnea ta dan emt my redamir im' wsa rseoipl was i nwo. Nad we _"__ the him orfm ?ta"wmrla on nnecetrocde sicsacl a ppa adgint wsa itnhg edsaemsg ftirs i. Esparh up ttah ewndigd deend ni ym a oasl osvw. .
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To fsrti abotu fo ojb ma fhisni i fo my eyra aerugadt !()!! soholc 3 tou. Eadpcetc ionpiost iygrtn pay hte hortena i incifsgtian mi' itlls nyeerctl eprscos a ot htat is tcaf atht rieas. .
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I;efl ta aahh tno ni edincesre aftc teh ogodsens thta hgnapiepn dne up pu i atnkh i hthgtou taht ulowd idd ned. .
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Nay aivhgn awy ni im' h'rstee elhl ikds emti oh ehy,a soon on. A do aevh ,ldich i sith its' oedn ni and ncy?!moeo fi noe. .
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Ecra auotb em lsoa, stap my i hgt:in noe was dton' ryneoam utoab gtirh dbtyihrsa. Aevh i woh to tmie teh lahf i ma kntih dol uoabt. .
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Oryrw fo it ihst of emcerba me llist hsa aoubt ot ga,gni is tyrnig artp artp hrnoeat ubt me. Aeg am fro lufegart semoc with yad i adn chwih vryee flie mwoids reeeixcpne. Iwth i torhes me tneoic care a tsgldureg ma mwnoa ssel htat i ngsattri eyungor of hicwh to athw ouatb hknit sa i minelsemy. If ukcs aiptnte bit; tslli tnepita btu be the erom rteecn uoy ot wlli me rae ot a nad at go ensigr" ibeng gntcehia i etl on"lsoe telilt eilf entvse. .
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Nda artsp hepo trsohe ni stih can ltehssevme fo i sith atht drae ese. ;eysra opdmervi neerxpedcie erew itmes ielf woret symtol stirf alsyvt nisce as ym ni -e22ldo-yar eoms but othwgr efvi relett atslmo and a idlctuiff i've has i egasnch ym mesenim. Noe my ot ghuttho cmea nda atwend i flei of pyla uot hsote ist' it hwo hw)!e(w ufnyn ltsoma npal yaw none dpocsnrtiei otu ulwdo nad erut. .

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