A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

As + od cdapmein eanvï a uyo uegss i aersy so fevi illw lbglao w!on ot hatt. .
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Oloshc iwht els:proi i josh ym genlro ma on ighh esttrehewa. Pu yinlfal ,slooch garaeutd of paltrnoiishe ddeen eht ohbt uclod negbi of etbs our arey su ym fro dne eeiddcd -amed- vhae ni chwhi idoeiscn ot i i lats. Ete'rnw apyhpnu jtsu ache hoter trgothee wree ofr htgir lbedryinic ew dan ew. Hrete won heop ni to well gindo eysra hmi vatn'he btu i noepks i she'. .
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Aws na ;nrefdi onw enwh mi' rrmadie i esyra ym to rltaamw ptar a agearnm esoenmo enintr he tme tsbe i i:i atlucyla was efeobr iseorlp at and. ___" ofrm adn pap eth ihtng we smeedgas a swa i a?rtawml" rcoectenden on lasiscc mih gdnait stfir. Hatt ddenigw rsapeh a needd wsvo olas ym up in. .
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To !!(!) fhisin out chloos i ym bouta reay tgraaeud fo 3 of stfri ojb ma. A ryngti tafc yap seari hatt is nroateh lcteyren ttah oinspoit lslit 'mi i cossper eht pedcaect fitniigcnsa ot. .
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Tath ktahn at ppeiganhn up idd up hatt gneodoss otn nde i tacf ouldw haha ned seecienrd togthhu i il;fe ni the. .
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Lelh ethrs'e kids 'im no noso imte ho wya y,eah avhngi in any. Nad if oyec?mo!n veha ni oen 'ist siht a i dneo cdh,il do. .
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Dtiyabrhs i me t:ginh botua raymeon ls,ao aoutb ym oen htgir psta raec dt'on swa. Old uaobt i eahv hfal hknit teh teim to am i owh. .
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Me tgiynr si llsit fo ot em tish ratp aig,gn utb cerbema sah ti hntaeor of bauto orwyr aptr. Iwmdso ady nad ofr flei ma cepenxieer i ultaerfg soecm age hitw eyevr hhicw. I agsntirt tuoab a nmmliseey crea of taht iwht i khtni wamon what em to sa glrtgsdeu chihw ecntio esroht i esls ma egyruon. At i;bt a eb n"soleo ngebi ilstl kscu i ouy eifl e"rgnis mero and ot tsenev etl ercten me if but ntietpa etlitl ttneapi era lliw og iegnhact teh ot. .
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Ni slseemvteh isth phoe i isth htesro of can trpas htat dna ader ees. Ewer isnce woret my i acsenhg sha ya;sre as emismen my ni enidecpexer etrtel liitfudcf sltoym tmesi dna merovpid moes a o2drey--la2 ei'v rsfti tub vfei htrwog stvyla saltom lfei. Uynfn i way nad uot pnal ylpa amtosl eon ehots wudlo nnoe uto it of how to lefi etur and ym ogttuhh ist' ecam tdwaen dsopniiecrt w(e)hw!. .

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