A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

I iwll a eysar + uyo egssu vneïa wo!n so ttah llgoba ndcipame ot evfi do sa. .
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Onrleg my ewterhaets erspl:oi hitw olshco i no hhgi sojh ma. Ae-dm- i vahe ecdidde wichh ohrseplaitni su ltas edn ot i thob etbs ndeed eht my rauadteg of fro uor oedisnic lafliny pu lcodu ,lohsco igenb ni arey of. Irtgh neyidcribl papunhy we aech wte'ern we rfo and jsut reoehttg ehort wree. Psnoek wlle but i ihm hope nehta'v to syare nigdo ehrte wno i he's in. .
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Eobfer lripoes osneome ii: rtap an onw rgnamae alycuatl was medrari tem eyasr wsa to a 'im setb and tniren at i ym awarmlt i fienr;d he hewn. Aws ew irfst ihm ceretdoncen aeegssmd nad het "taar?mlw dtniga a on i ___" ccissal thgin ppa mrof. Ttha dedne esrahp pu dewngid wvso a ym ni olas. .
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Ochosl of eugartad ma ifhisn !)!!( out bjo 3 aery ot ym of tsifr btoua i. I tslil that eothrna a is pay edctcpae nciisatnfgi ahtt to tonipsio eht tcaf im' erylecnt tryngi risae scorspe. .
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Nde taht fatc ddi kanht i thtohug i pu at het ecinersed otn ooesdsng hganeinpp efil; hatt ahha pu ni ned udolw. .
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'im ahe,y ho in yna lhle sikd emit inhavg hrs'ete no wya noso. Ni oned a is't ahve dan i stih eno if ymo?cneo! ,dclih do. .
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I em wsa hsirydtab uoabt :gnhti utaob apts o,als 'notd ecra noe ynremoa rhitg ym. Ma veah to i odl owh buota i nkith alfh eth imet. .
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Sthi g,agin em of it me fo tarp oearnth roryw tub siltl arpt hsa is obuat emrbaec to igtryn. Hciwh ma dya reevy itwh age eceeeinpxr i fgreulta dna eilf dwsmio esomc fro. Race atubo tnicoe a thesro i ergunyo trtnagsi thwi fo hcwih ownam sa me ma ssle to siemmnlye tnhik hatt i whta seggrtlud i. Bgnie eth ta eb remo em iltls eintapt a kcus tbu yuo lief netsve dan era will go ;bti lte sgeni"r eos"lno fi eretnc to to illtet i gchtneai atpeint. .
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Of otrseh ahtt tsih hope nad ese aprts i in mslteesveh nca aerd itsh. Ev'i mtlosa moes ewer fvie mnesmei omreivdp btu icnse smeit ertow my xrecdeiepen yltavs ash srya;e dan hwrgto itfliucdf dar2-ly-oe2 in hsngace flei my ettlre sa rsfti a i lotmys. Fo it dteanw osrdcieitnp wodul yfunn maltos who lfie to maec ym otu onne way reut neo adn lpay hguotht !)wh(ew i otu lpna dan hsote st'i. .

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