A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Thta so od sa lgbaol yaser !now you a ievf + i wlil susge naveï nepcmida ot. .
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My s:rpoile no i hihg oolchs hitw oshj elogrn am rstwtheeea. I to dened aagrtued my aslt e--mda nde i inieodcs ryea lynalif ni heva eieddcd of su hwihc orf lcsoh,o of up our tbho ateiolhspirn best ducol biegn teh. Lycierdinb heac ottreehg oerht yhaunpp e'etrwn we tgirh rof wree sujt we nda. Utb llew hmi i heter ot onw snpeko ysare in ehop heavtn' goind i s'eh. .
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Wsa enwh eh neragma eesonmo obeerf tebs mte an i won iretnn mardier ot ta im' ym :ii i was ltwmara ;nedrfi ryeas prelsio adn a lcautlya tpra. Ppa wsa igtnh mhi iclassc eth ectorncdnee ntdaig and on a art"ml?wa i frmo ___" fsrti emsgdsae ew. In sola idegnwd up my ededn a vosw hearps taht. .
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Taagerdu !)(!! of buaot ma i jbo of tsrfi ochosl 3 tuo to sihnfi my yrae. Pitooins a pay tllsi i ortenha csoepsr thta ot eactepcd the lrentecy fcat ncintgfiasi thta is eiasr m'i igtryn. .
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Ont up ned sosgdeno i idd l;fei atth ni drsecenei htank at tafc ttah lwoud haha edn i hhgtotu pu pagphenni eth. .
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Sono im' ywa a,yeh ni kids mtei on oh htree's nay hginav lleh. Eon i do oden nda hl,idc st'i in a !ooy?ecmn if evha hits. .
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Hirgt erca em auotb airsdtbyh :hngti i was stpa aymrone outba t'ndo ym oen a,slo. Tnikh lod i how item ouatb i heav ma lhaf teh ot. .
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But trap yrowr ash of eohtarn mrbeeac em ritngy ti artp abotu si isht gngai, of listl em to. Am omsec dna yad eeyvr lfie iwht cwihh i letragfu exceeneirp age ofr odwism. Hwti eurynog ot ectnio hchiw esls nhikt acre i em dlgretgsu uabot i i ma fo whta a ianttgsr ylsmnimee trseoh sa aownm htat. To lliw i ermo "nesgri uyo be vstene scku ielf lte fi etlilt tiechagn a ta oslnoe" recten neiptat em het bgnie but era tb;i iltsl to og tetinap and. .
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Ratps see nac nad iths peoh srtohe atth raed i lheesetmsv ni of tihs. Ecdereipxne sinec hgansec sha emist smoe vi'e tisfr yatlsv a eenmmsi wree y-doel2r2-a weotr i yes;ar aosmlt ym ym lymtso adn tcfiliudf sa tleert in mvoedrpi eilf tub rtowgh vife. Dna dwntae ture i oenn ot tuo ynnfu of anpl my out paly uthtgoh otseh duolw adn lsmota neo ew(w)h! ayw ielf ohw ircpedintos 'its meac it. .

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