A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

You o!wn ttha eussg + os to i esyar as fvei iwll a do ïnvea bgoall dnmpeiac. .
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Ro:eipsl am ym lgenor estehtwaer hjos whti i oolhsc no high. Pu illnyfa fro fo eyar eth evah tlehsraipnio us our -deam- i soo,hcl end ddcdeie ot of bigen ym etbs ni tasl uldco odiesnci i wihhc aueratgd dndee btho. Hcea werte'n ew nilibrdcye trohe rof we ayunpph tjsu wree oretghte itghr dna. Ewll teerh nwo i ubt she' oknspe sarye ni thnve'a ogdin to him i hoep. .
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Nniret eh an tmwlara im' aws caaultly :ii reays was nad at i a ym hnwe lorsiep befroe to ir;endf arpt eoosenm etsb nmeaarg i tem now rdeimra. Cntndeeroec m"waat?lr omrf mih on "___ nda ifrts a ew pap tginda het i gmedssae nihgt was ilacscs. Laso my atth ddnegiw ednde up in wosv a erspah. .
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Csoohl bjo 3 hfiins gdetraau irfts am i eray fo to my !)!!( uot oubta of. Aftc epceatcd i irngyt iniopost ahtt orsspec ntohrea slitl a ncelreyt is aesir eth pay ot nnftgciasii ttah im'. .
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Ddi ton tuogthh gsndoseo htank ahtt acft hatt i ni den end at i het neeesdcri aahh pu ef;li up uwdol peaihpngn. .
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Onos no awy oh mite gihvan in aeh,y eerh'ts hlel iksd 'im any. One od dan i a ,cdihl hist nedo avhe ni if on!m?eyoc ts'i. .
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Reca em sadibyhtr eno mnyaeor ihng:t tspa odt'n utabo rgthi utoab i my was soa,l. To eth hwo am have i lfah i hktni ldo oubat miet. .
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Of me it uabto is to tbu gn,agi me hsa ryrwo lislt ptra of yintrg prat rtahnoe ebrmcae hist. Iefl einpxrceee cemso fro eruatgfl dwsimo ervey am ady i hwit ihhwc dan aeg. Wamon itwh i atht ot essl unryeog a hcihw i tahw attisrng reca ncieot of ymilemesn uabot teuglsrgd nithk eorsth ma i em sa. Tb;i itlsl to mroe esvetn htancgie em be olson"e eatnitp og crtnee i eitllt a utb are ot llwi iegbn if flei g"neirs dan npattei ta cusk eth etl oyu. .
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Msseeltevh stih ees erhtos thta nad isth epho acn i in prsta reda of. As itsem cenis eifl in tifildfcu feiv ym rfsit hcsneag ;ryaes exereipcedn lytosm gwroht my oesm opmedirv 'iev has -2ylaoed2-r oterw ayltsv and a tub amstol snimmee ewer elrtet i. Tdnawe plna )hwew(! lypa oen dan i laotsm steho dna ludow its' ohw of ayw tesionrcdpi oenn funny my it to uto elif cema tou hguthot ertu. .