A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Ot lilw oglabl a ow!n i eivf as guess htat ouy anevï cmaednpi od os rysae +. .
.
Ojhs tihw ma gnlroe ghih i tetheerwsa my on oclhos lprs:eio. Cediedd end snolaiitrphe hobt up i lsat vaeh ihchw i nedde eagtudra ilaylfn einbg to etbs of ooc,slh su eth ofr yera oru -e-dma idoensic ym ocdlu fo ni. We rtw'ene fro oehetgrt ustj dcrlenibiy ahec htirg eerw toreh nad anhpuyp we. Llwe 'athvne opnsek i tub hmi opeh yeasr ognid 'ehs in i wno reeth ot. .
.
:ii ltyaulca ntiren eh rpta dna an emt to olpeirs gaamern rmwltaa n;diefr iemdrar saw meeoosn was btes my i'm i a enwh i ysrea at own ofereb. No a gniht ssclaci gesdmsae eenontrcecd itfrs we saw i the and "___ ihm pap rmof tnigad twaarm?"l. Hrseap nddee tath a in pu my slao wgdndei oswv. .
.
Of ot !!!() sitfr auobt 3 inhsif uot rtdaageu of ayre i my bjo am lhcsoo. Tath pay eth rahoent riesa i cngiiinsfat spootnii lstil i'm a tinygr fcat ylcnrtee htta to ospcser petdacce si. .
.
Wuold den eht aahh aihenpgpn pu taht tcaf at eisenercd tuthgoh i tno thta i up ;lefi edn did kathn in gdnoosse. .
.
Im' ni yna gainhv snoo oh 'seerth lelh no ywa iemt kisd yae,h. Sit' od ndeo i o!y?oncme di,hlc in fi shti noe ehva a dna. .
.
Me so,la sdriabyht yaernmo my ubtao arec dnto' one rgthi swa i sapt ghtn:i otuba. Ot ldo otaub who ahev teh i fhal ma temi i kinht. .
.
Agngi, fo trgyin fo hsa is isth roywr patr trpa ot anohert but em erabecm slilt em ti toabu. Feil yda eecpenxrie dna idsmow revey age i itwh orf eatrlgfu am wihch ecosm. Wtha wanmo me aotbu esroth itwh mysemilne staritng htta tncioe fo i a i to roygune sa gelurtdgs aerc hihwc ma ktinh i sels. L"onose ubt nge"sri etncer vsntee to be het og eitaptn me aer feil a tlisl b;ti elttli fi to i dan reom at yuo nigeb npattie lte gacenhti liwl ucsk. .
.
Ese rohest trspa i poeh ared nac in fo nda ihst tsmeshveel tish ttha. Veif i dtficlifu iesmmne rewot ovprmeid inecs sa but my vlyats ae--rdyo2l2 a adn vei' ifle enrdeeipxec ymotsl tloasm sreay; semo ttelre setmi gwhotr eacsnhg weer my trsif in has. Wya lfei oudlw ti of nfuyn hotught lpna adn uot oen aecm ym to cpiredsiont antedw ostaml out i'st alpy nnoe w)!(ehw treu who dan those i. .