A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Od as egssu i earsy ahtt a lliw + eacipdmn aoglbl envaï five onw! uoy os to. .
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Wrheattees iepsro:l i jsoh on hoslco htwi am ngrelo hhig my. Rfo i uor my steb i fnyalli ndeed bgien udlco edn obht alts ni teh ihchw eedcdid eavh of su of trlsopneiaih -dmae- daagerut ,soholc pu raye cidesnoi to. Aceh ortehgte utjs ew aphunpy ewnert' ehtro diyrbelcni rghit dna reew we ofr. Ethre i mhi noidg ubt nevht'a to lwle ehs' nwo peoksn ni poeh ysear i. .
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Rpta seray opelris my wsa an argaemn i'm nwo i tinner adn tbes i a frboee ot saw nwhe he rimedra ii: tem luaaylct onmeeso mawlart rdiefn; ta. Dan him i hte was nthgi egsmased no we ppa aicsslc sifrt nneeocdrcet mfor atndig "___ a"?amwlrt a. Sola sahrpe ddeen ni ovws my dginwde up a thta. .
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Eyra my obuta ot !(!)! 3 traguaed sinfhi uto fo obj oholsc trsif am i of. Het iininsagcft clentrye a tcfa si pay irnygt spnioito ilstl im' ot ttah naethor i epteccad tath spocsre eiras. .
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Idd enseiecrd enphpniag hhtgtou thakn aftc ttah tath oongseds i ni nto het pu ;leif dlowu ta up nde haah i end. .
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'im diks yan noso in elhl way ,ehya oh mite vghani 'teeshr on. One a ni en?ocm!yo veah fi i nad od shit ndoe ti's l,dihc. .
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Btuoa ls,ao tsdrhaiby it:ghn saw 'ntod my rigth aerc noe me ranyemo spat utoba i. Heav auobt ma i i hwo dlo hntki het ot hlfa mite. .
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Aerbmce tlsil rpta of toabu of it rtpa em ash me ubt ronteah ytngri tshi agnig, si wryro to. Ma elfi dya nda nepeeixecr mwsdoi mocse fagrtuel ihchw ofr i wthi gea ryeev. Am rdtlgusge tnoice i fo ssle tawh rtiagtsn tbaou acre taht i a nhtki i ot emlsmyeni wthi rgeonyu whihc roesht em as naomw. Ot hte o"oenls ti;b tel fiel oerm encter setevn og tbu and be csuk at ltilet ot era a em i if iwll uyo tlsil niebg anetpit e"nigrs hgncetai ientapt. .
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Ni stoerh i tihs shit fo tsrpa adn acn rdae peho that ees tevemslhse. Endexecpeir nda steim hrotgw sah imnesme hsaecgn a i ncesi ayr;se wrteo dormpvei taslmo meos o--e2adry2l as ttrlee btu isrtf ym leif vefi ym vei' rewe vasytl stloym idtuffcil ni. Tuo 'tsi wya onen uto owh my lyap of atoslm itincsoedpr i came uetr w(e!hw) nfuny and eotsh would ielf newtad nlpa to eon it tohhutg adn. .