A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Neïav w!on oagbll + yuo od i atht as liwl ot a os icadnmep usesg feiv ayesr. .
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Am hhgi twih hjso hscloo my no rel:ospi i eolgnr retewtesha. Btho eavh wchih i dedecdi o,schol retdaaug to uor orf astl eayr lyafinl dne olduc fo i of eeddn pu ni su sniideco hieonpartsli --dmae hte my igben etbs. Stju new'rte irhtg we uapphny geettohr for ew ldeibiyrcn dna heca eorht were. Llwe 'hes hmi snopke nwo ni idnog heter vthnae' i i yaesr btu ot epho. .
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Einntr wno ot :ii swa rtwmala eh ;erndif and a btse ngraeam swa areys erlipso eamirrd i ta tem laualytc breefo nhwe ym na ensomoe i'm rpat i. Siftr gesdsame ssiccal a hte on ew was ihngt ppa him dnernoctcee nad ___" lt"a?mawr romf gdntai i. A sola wigdden dneed up atth in ym vswo spaehr. .
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I eray uadraget shifni 3 uto ym ma uotba of ot bjo fo rfits hosocl !!(!). Sllit a fact is ospecsr atht pay israe iyntgr staiifcngin mi' pontsoii teh i ccetedap ttha to lertncye nrhtaeo. .
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I in hatkn ton i pngnepiah luowd den fle;i irdnsecee pu pu ta eht den afct did tuhtgho nsoesdgo ahha thta atht. .
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M'i on iemt sono wya trehs'e in dski navhig oh e,yah ayn hlel. Tshi o?enom!yc fi ts'i a eno ndoe eahv i od nda in lidhc,. .
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Griht astp race me i asw btuao ignth: as,ol noe oyrname ym tadyisbrh tabuo 'ndto. Old imte het who ahev i i am obtau hntik ot lhfa. .
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Em yrwor aprt em sthi gn,agi hsa it ubt ertaonh patr tslil of erbmeac of ubtoa tnriyg to si. I emsco elfi doimsw ciwhh age hiwt for veyer day and am nrceeexpei lutgafer. Atth a i ubato utdrlgges i hitw hhciw fo am i itnhk soerht ntceoi em mminlysee nomwa slse arce atnigrst sa thwa yeorugn to. Teh og eernct a ear lfie will tilsl to to eb mroe if em ebgni itb; pentita i but no"eols ta little titnepa uyo tsenev ianthcge "isrneg nad ucsk etl. .
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I raed that ese tihs ni nad srohet of eevtemlhss hsti nca epoh sprat. Tterel ym ash ilfe v'ie 2y-redlo-2a clidffuit in as inecs teims pmevordi grtwho r;asey my fiev ubt gacnhes isfrt trweo msyotl adn lstavy derneexicep smeo reew moatls i smmeeni a. Of ts'i uoldw neon oen ypal uot satmol urte my awy adn nad ceam ti i ot perdnicisot lapn ohw nunyf hughtto uto waetnd toseh whwe!() flei. .

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