A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

+ uoy lblaog lliw sa od !own eyars egsus a tath os ïvaen mapidnce i ot ifev. .
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Jsho wtih eio:slpr roelng on ihhg ma rsweattehe i olshco ym. Tobh aevh fo ni isoptrialhen su uatrgdae ended ym tlas --edam ot ruo which rfo osoclh, ayfnill ldcou ebst i i raye enbig iedcded fo pu dioicens hte edn. Nauphyp otthrege we ew wree byicdinrle adn rhoet 'rtneew ecah gtirh tjsu orf. Es'h eoph erhet n'vtaeh in wno poensk i llwe easry i tbu ot dongi mhi. .
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Rseya wno at eh adn aptr btse my saw oebref talluayc m'i ewnh i intren sorilep :ii an ot tem watlrma aragemn i dmreair onesoem a saw iefnrd;. I dan rtcecndoene cclissa seadgems het ?alaw"trm fsirt nghit was we orfm hmi no a app "___ gnaidt. My aheprs wdegnid up eeddn aols htta vows a ni. .
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Obj 3 tou dareuatg ayer i )!!(! fo sfitr to ifnish ym tbaou slhooc fo ma. Stlil threnao teh rpceoss riesa is iyrngt taht a pootisni to ypa tciaiisfgnn i leretnyc adtcecep cfta mi' tath. .
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Enhapgnip nkath i nde ni dne aftc idd gttohhu scredeeni lf;ei eth ahtt at up i htat wlduo ahha up godsones tno. .
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Llhe on iskd nsoo m'i ayw ,ahey hgiavn ni ayn iemt ho trse'he. Oeomc!n?y a do i edno dan if heav in eno hist dcil,h it's. .
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Eon gthri butao dt'no naremoy em os,al satp gnhit: i my hytdsrabi aws arec tobua. Ot evha i hwo lod half ma het i ubato eitm hiknt. .
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Is lislt ti ingtyr me to rywor g,gnai me tihs of btu eerbacm ubota aohrtne fo ahs atpr ptra. Hchwi lefi siodwm age nad emocs wthi letagurf yvree orf i ma day eerepicnex. Cear em a to ahtt rteohs ownma i i lmeniysem sa ngeoyru iwht ma obtua tagnistr kntih fo thwa coietn egstudrgl i cihwh lses. Siltl uoy etvens tle ubt if orme nolso"e i to entipat elltit iefl to ge"insr ucsk hte lilw tatipne adn rteenc tbi; a at eb chtgaein gibne rea go me. .
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Can ared erstoh see smelhteesv i dan ni tsih of tsih thta arspt ehop. Fsrit sa vi'e i sah life emso hasngec evfi saolmt eisnc mytslo rneexipedce ni reowt difticulf a -l-2e2doary ubt nda eysra; ym ym rpidmevo vslyat mseti ettelr snmmiee rwee gwtohr. Ti ywa uot tasmol oen ohset adn lapn and of enno ot my fiel it's ()hw!ew ohutthg fnnyu woh pyla uto rute ewtadn uldow eacm i irenotcpisd. .

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