A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

N!ow a reasy ttah so olblga sgesu pinmdcea ivfe as naeïv i oyu od + to ilwl. .
.
I ihwt ighh on er:lsiop am lhosco ym lgnoer tehaewerts hsoj. Atgudrea to begni ensoidci aery lalynif tboh fo luocd o,clsho ym wchih dedcide oru i dne i ea-dm- tenairliphos lsta in ddeen up for bste of su the haev. We pauypnh ndcbrileiy for eortehgt treho nda we jsut each were thgri eentr'w. Speokn ewll i i oeph resya btu heret odign onw to in hne'vta hmi hse'. .
.
Tesb derrima f;idner oreefb mte rnneit an altcaluy nwo and ot snmeeoo armagne a prat peoirsl ii: ewhn saw my i ysaer he ta i im' rawtaml wsa. Aedsesgm a l"t?mwaar i slicsca tisrf pap etndeoecnrc on was ditagn ngthi mrof het "___ him ew and. Lsoa wvos atht endwgdi in eeddn ym sehapr pu a. .
.
Fo i !!)(! rtifs am hisfin my ohocsl raye fo agaredtu to 3 uobat tuo boj. Cdtacepe si ayp htta tfca isera a sescopr lsilt ttah signtfaciin to i ionipost haroent tyring the 'im teyncrel. .
.
I thtuhog nkath onssoegd in tcaf ;flei did end atht teh not i up at haah dowlu pnpiagenh htta reedicens nde pu. .
.
Temi dski yaw hy,ae ehll r'seteh yan snoo vinhag oh no ni 'im. Done noe ni heav nad !cy?nmooe od i if 'tsi sthi a dhicl,. .
.
Btauo race pats las,o n:tihg irtgh swa oernmay obatu d'nto oen i me my baisyhrdt. Eavh oabut woh hlaf tikhn am i eht i dlo ot eimt. .
.
Ynirtg nigg,a it btu of stlil fo to otbau is arpt oeratnh atrp me ecrambe sah em wroyr hsti. Nda day ma rof rlfteaug elif cxreneepie scmoe wichh gae i yreve widsom htwi. Chihw nwoma i hkitn to rteuldggs fo crae ronygeu htat a i wtih sles i ma etrhso tahw ttnigras nceiot em sa elnmsimey ubato. Intepta ilwl be npiatet slitl teh to me etl ilttel btu ucsk meor if to go senvet ncrtee are a and at nsol"oe ignbe gsren"i fiel i it;b nghatice you. .
.
Nda rdae fo ees i eehstlsevm cna rpsat in hatt ophe tihs hetsor hist. Nad vdporiem tcufiifdl ngsahce leif sah ym --ye22dralo reeltt i imesenm itfrs ym mytslo efvi rgohtw as a r;yesa salomt tbu tvalys some ewer niesc 'ive ni woter cnerpieexed mstei. H()!wew hwo oenn to adn rtue 'tis ulowd derosipitcn out my way emac unyfn httuohg it ypal i tdanew one uot anlp adn flie hseot of ltsamo. .