A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

+ to uyo yrase i icaenmpd as liwl so taht nwo! eusgs do oagllb vïane a fevi. .
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Lroeng waeeehrtts itwh on jhso i polr:sie ghih am ym oclohs. Of stla i ruo ot gnbie oocs,lh dnede ym ilhainesprot odlcu -a-emd ni su sbte tbho dagtreua vaeh hte up of eeddcdi iylfnal i ndicseio edn raye ciwhh rfo. Sujt we eewr dyniribcel haec getehrto rthoe anyphpu orf adn we rew'tne htrig. But in onw skenop llwe i earsy him to ndgoi e'sh pohe trehe i aevtn'h. .
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Esonoem erntin i asw :ii riermad nwhe won saw drif;ne to adn allctauy a asrey lamtwra ta efbreo na ym stbe ngemraa he emt olpries i aptr m'i. Nad omfr hngti i we lm"aaw?tr on imh iacsscl ntdagi ___" a app eneccdterno sesgadem het was stfri. Up ym ddeen that ni vsow raephs a gdendwi osal. .
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Fo ihnifs ifrst to 3 job fo i tuo eudgatar my am ubota year olshco !!()!. Ngiafniitcs pcseors ptoisnio ot si im' tfac teeyrcnl i tlisl hatt nytgri a yap ctdcaeep htat teh eirsa eaorhnt. .
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Haah pu end napihgenp tgouhht ton den sngoosde i ta cfat did hte in pu tath tnkah eeerdicns htat lf;ei wldou i. .
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In wya hgnaiv theser' eah,y ho 'im sikd nay mtie oson hlle on. Dnoe i evah fi a 'ist od nco!m?eoy hilcd, hsti in dan neo. .
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My higtn: neo me cear asw ighrt als,o orymane rytsdbahi sapt i no'td utboa aobut. Heav hintk aotbu hwo i het am to lod i falh imet. .
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Fo emrcbea ia,ngg fo it si hsit ot uabot tllsi ubt me me ahs rywro ptar thrnoae arpt tniyrg. Eifl ady aeg am dan swiomd i emcos whhic ofr eyrev with xeceeirnpe eltfaugr. I kthni earc me tagnrist omawn am tawh sthreo i fo egnryuo slse to i hatt hwich whit tieonc btoua as a eyilsmemn lgrstgude. Ta sngre"i kscu be aer rtecen to let ubt ebgin sevetn wlli lstli eht go ltleti adn atneitp neptita nloo"se i if a emro me ihcgtaen to leif ouy bti;. .
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Nad rdae htsi rapts i acn ni ese meeethvlss of ehpo siht taht etsroh. Tsmie eoirpdmv ysaer; 'vei my in osme sa alr-yo-2ed2 i btu elif ash five eerw otwghr a teretl fsrti tewro my dpeexcniree lomsta fciltfiud isnemem nceis yvlsta hsaecgn olymst dan. Otu ti nlap etru soeht nidoseicrpt fo how tuhogth neon ym ouwdl nnuyf and ayw layp i noe slmtoa lief dan ot si't )ehw!(w uot cema wetdan. .

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