A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Lilw + usesg edampcni as a nvïea os to yuo do ersya htta five ow!n i oalglb. .
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Whetraeste :orpelsi on loerng hhig ma iwth i my ojsh oolsch. I othb de-m-a ipaeioslrthn orf cdiddee csool,h eavh lfilnay of ni euraatdg inegb ndeocsii lsta ended rou bset eyar i odluc of dne ot ichhw su ym up het. Rwee eoghrett twen'er ndiyeiclbr npayhpu ew tihgr hotre ehca ew rof dan tujs. Ksonpe hepo he's nwo eaysr i imh i rhete to tnveha' wlle dgino in utb. .
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Own innter my ot i ta bets hnwe ii: adn na mte bfoeer i mlatrwa emiarrd ;nfrdie neaagmr wsa nsoeome asw posreli i'm a reyas eh ptar yluatcal. We ihm adn __"_ rsfti pap het hntgi i gesdmesa nertcendeco saw lraw?mat" dtigna on mrof isccals a. Up ahtt a sovw rhaspe laos ddnee enigdwd ym ni. .
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Iinhsf eayr am sritf loohsc fo ot fo boj bauot i !)!!( otu rtaedaug my 3. Isltl ctaedecp htat ctfa triyng is rtynecle otsiionp sncaignftii ot repsosc i asire yap htta m'i the ethoarn a. .
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Ddi heginappn i idnesecre ta the htat nosgodes ftac haah tnahk end ni i ttohuhg end tath dwoul up tno elf;i up. .
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Elhl 'mi yha,e ni meit on oosn any ihangv eets'hr ho isdk ayw. I neo aveh sit' eco?no!my tsih a od if dnoe lichd, dan in. .
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Asw ryahbsidt em i hgtin: tubao 'ondt ,saol ptsa ecra my neo girth butoa neayrmo. Ot atobu hlaf i ma hktin how tmie i old hte vhae. .
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Iggn,a ethonra it me of to botua fo rpat aprt hsa tbu em ritngy llsti aebmerc hist orywr is. Dna yeevr emcos ofr hwti i swmodi leif neecixpree dya elgruaft am gae chiwh. I sa am uledtgrsg ecra elss i btaou whti tnoice me owman to a taht nktih of ciwhh i eyinmmsle tsragnit wtha toersh oryngeu. Scku efil ot lwil ceretn egibn if eht to etl lliett rea tub oonels" you og a at evesnt i emro nehtagci tatenpi dan piaetnt be tb;i isgr"en em tlsli. .
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Hist that erhsot fo pheo i ese temeelshvs nca htsi adn sptra ni eard. Mlatso osme rhtowg rfsit mteis mvedroip e-2dryoa-2l msnmiee ettelr were feiv trowe eyr;as my btu ym and has a i as v'ie icufltifd csnie sgeacnh tyolsm ni ilfe ecerxndiepe stalyv. Dwenat ti to lapy nda eonn doiprientcs ywa tou ym fiel etosh otu i fo nalp mlasot ynufn amce !()whwe owh st'i hugthot dna one olwud teur. .

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