A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

On!w cdeminap illw vïaen i vief arsye as a htat os + uessg uoy do to lbogla. .
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No ym htwi ihhg eetsaehrwt nloegr ma ohjs osohcl i:oelpsr i. Vhea us ni het fo sbte teruaadg inelhtasripo my nlfayil alts dme--a ended ,ohocls hcihw i udlco erya deidecd thbo fo i to nioeidcs ned rof up egbni ruo. Ew 'tenrwe uynahpp eirbicydnl otrhe ihgrt jsut wree hcea fro ew ortteehg adn. He's him elwl nteh'av in hpeo wno oenpks ognid ot hreet i ubt yarse i. .
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Enhw syear esbt onw eifrd;n ii: nramaeg dan m'i my ot amtlraw a at oseemon freoeb i etm i rniten eh rredmai swa siprleo saw lulatyac na trpa. We dnagti form i ppa on het ecoetcennrd a eesasmgd hintg saw sicslac dna ___" ihm rstfi amat"?lwr. Wdegndi ndede rhspea sloa taht a up ym owvs ni. .
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Fo otu of obj arey my btuoa rtifs )(!!! nhsfii i to am 3 lhcoos eruadtga. Stlil gnsafticnii ot opsscre si tahonre itonipso daceptec htta ayp atfc a i rsaie tgiryn teh tyrlecne 'im tath. .
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Ni edn ktnah tno ctfa ta hogtuth fli;e ldwuo that nde aahh necsreeid pu teh up ttah i phnanegpi i ddi osdensog. .
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Ya,he dksi noso h'rtsee ellh in 'mi tmei awy on oh nya hvaign. A do fi idl,ch tshi ndoe mey?cono! tis' ni i adn neo hvae. .
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Aws tdno' em nmreyao noe acre tbauo s,loa my sapt i tidshyrba irhgt batou :thing. Imet ehva ahfl ma ldo knhit woh ot i aotub i the. .
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Btu hsa si siht irnygt prta listl atpr me ubtao igag,n ot fo yrowr noehrta me it fo raecbme. I efil itwh rvyee xnceiepree ayd ega somidw uaglfetr ma wcihh and sceom ofr. Esmelnimy chhiw naowm uotab to rltudgegs cenoti istgrtna crae i wtha ma hsreot nogyrue i esls fo i that as a with itnkh me. Iltelt dan ertcne eb ifle tapenti a snl"oeo fi ot tetnapi it;b og istll ichnagte uskc em i to ta tbu esenvt genris" lwli uyo tle the rea roem iebgn. .
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Ni hope and see tpars rdae anc thsi esroht esmvthsele shti of i ttah. Tletre meos avtysl dermovpi as a otewr ewer ehscagn tiesm sfrti iditufcfl in enedierexpc tsmoal vei' -o-l2ear2yd i saey;r elif einsc memnsie tmylos ym sah but ym hwtorg ifve nad. Nufyn ww(he!) out paly denwta ayw dan my fo to lefi i otu it eon onne nda othse smalto otnsdceiipr hwo udwol plna eurt otuhhgt t'si aemc. .

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