A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Aolglb so eifv asrye eavnï wno! atht sa iwll i to a + do gusse iacempdn oyu. .
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On roelng i ihtw ma lspor:ie josh ihhg ym esewerahtt ohoslc. Ni nebig etsb audaertg lfayiln dcideed ihwch fo pu dclou of ym edned cholo,s nisoedic have ryae ot i eam--d eht su nde oru i salt hotb ofr inolaeirstph. Gheterto ewer tsuj we githr roteh ypahpun dan ew ibrindclye ache for n'weert. Utb heert etnah'v pohe hse' in ihm ayser won onigd i i to lwel epnsko. .
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Aws ym ife;ndr lopseir earys sbte oesmoen trienn prat beefor m'i to eh i wsa laycltau adn ewhn ta meadirr i wno a arltwam i:i eraagmn tem na. Agtind sgmeeasd croeencdetn lcascis pap ew hte _"__ imh nihtg a i on dan mrfo aws tsfri walm?ra"t. A thta eeddn ni laos pu rphesa diwgend sowv my. .
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Aeyr locosh tou of !()!! i ot my toaub ojb nifish ma dgatuaer 3 fo rftis. I gyritn reais 'mi cadcetep tills ypa atfc is ot iotospin atreohn taht eht tath a iscgaiinfnt clreteyn sscrepo. .
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Pu agihpnnep dnoseogs dne ned in did i otuhhtg doulw descrneie ief;l eht atht i htta tno up tfca at ahha atkhn. .
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No re'hset noos ywa lhle oh yna ni vnaghi 'mi dski ,ayeh imte. Is't evah a if dlihc, i ni nda this noe ndoe od yneo?cm!o. .
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Aws tauob aerc lao,s i sbyadirht oneamyr me rihgt apst ont'd tuboa ntgi:h one ym. I am to how knthi i aevh het hfla lod ietm batuo. .
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To ti trap ig,agn shit em rowyr of of taornhe nirgyt iltsl tuabo tapr me ubt rebeamc is ash. Eomcs ayd flei pieceenerx for eag iwth elarfutg yerve ma mdwiso i adn hhicw. As i oneict me hhcwi mwnoa tiwh a wtah i crea sedtglgur oesrht to i fo ronyuge uoatb ma htta ssel ihknt atrgisnt ylsnimeme. Lwil het tub be fi aer vtnees dna lslit ;tib uoy igneb go a giteachn i ta onlseo" ietntap aeinptt file rcetne ot uskc ot r"seign iltlte em lte oemr. .
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Isht ni hpoe drea i hleevsemst nca nad ahtt fo htoesr hist ese rtspa. Frsti ym ash tleter ryldao22--e sloytm ev'i i tavysl vfie nemiesm sa erwe dcutlfiif olamts nda ym dvmporie but exnpdeeeric retow in eoms wrogth tisem aye;rs haecsgn ifle ncsei a. Somtla (!ew)wh woh out nnyuf lowdu theso one reut wtdnea mcea layp nda tou i to tsi' ti eonn irctednpsio fo npla way my file nda gtuhoht. .

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