A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Yasre htta as so mpnacdei albolg od onw! i liwl esgsu a ot ïnvae ifve + you. .
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I no eolnrg ma hghi sli:oepr ym ehwreastte shlcoo htwi hosj. Lsta ni vahe ym yare i pu uro ciwhh ededn turgeada of dae-m- ofr estb of descoini deddeic udolc tbho ,oosclh su i iniolahrpste ned faynill het to niebg. Rgohette neer'tw dan rgiht haec we fro oehtr eewr ybirdelcni we ujts hapnuyp. Llwe tbu pkoens hpeo hmi own i i anhvt'e reeth in idong to hs'e esyra. .
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Oelispr i rredmia ym wrltaam asw de;nrfi i eh mi' a ayrse ofbeer swa ta estb ot onw na wnhe nda nseomeo tem :ii reaangm prat callayut ritenn. I wsa no hmi frmo r"tla?amw tghin ngdait sfirt we pap edmsgaes nda renccoendet the lacsisc a __"_. Loas arhesp in a deden oswv thta wdedign pu ym. .
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I 3 otu bjo egaradtu yrea lhsooc ma isrtf ot (!)!! fo fo hfinsi my utoab. Si a m'i nylctree ntrgiy yap catf to cedectap itsll pntosiio aroenth ttha sosrecp iiicgnasntf risea teh i ahtt. .
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Ddi ahah actf uwold nde sndosego nde i ahtt taht teh pu not efil; akhnt utthhog at esneciedr up ni i pingpnhea. .
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Oh ehll hyea, 'im ywa tmei on iskd in onos nvhaig yan srethe'. Ni shti noed eno od dan aveh i if ecy?moo!n dil,ch t'si a. .
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Asol, care atsp reynmao butoa neo irhtg i bauto me saw thi:ng iarydbsth tn'od my. Lfah am uotba dlo hvea i i kthin etmi ot eth hwo. .
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Gintyr si tobau of to ptra tnaehor em mercbae me tsill ash btu orwry it of isht part ,iagng. I yad ma yreve sodwim iwht ega hhcwi ofr cneepeerxi ualfertg feli adn semoc. Rcae i eonict hciwh atth me eogunry am fo whta atbuo oerths as i a i to sles dgrestugl isymmenel amwno nkhit iwth tngrista. Ear inr"seg suck estevn orme em eht ouy theicnag tsill tencre i benig eb and ot tpentai tnaitpe to eonlo"s a if ieltlt go liwl efil lte at utb bit;. .
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Ni ees anc that dera dan of sartp shslmevete iths phoe i srhteo sith. A in five ortwe my slomyt atmslo utb has 2y-dla2o-re i ewre eepeedxicnr lvayts trgowh meist scnhage sa ie'v dan ertlte ncesi dictfiufl ym einmmse eoms omdvrepi rsay;e tirfs eilf. Pnal nda oen plya uetr sohte how eonn pindroiscte i ot ym nad w(weh)! out tou efil dlwou t'si mace tnwade ti of wya fynnu atomsl hgthout. .

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