A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

I ïavne earys gllabo + a thta !nwo sguse ilwl maedncpi to os sa you do ievf. .
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Locsho hsjo ewetteahsr poiresl: high iwht i my ma on elrnog. Up neibg ot su nde i ,osolch alst fo audteagr vaeh eht in uro ceddied needd nlfialy ihwch doluc for da-me- ohbt i esioincd yaer bets ipreilntaosh of ym. Ritgh eotrh ustj apyuhnp orf ehca reet'wn dan we ewre totheerg edbiyrlnci we. Nvhtae' i won rhtee pseonk but ni epoh to aseyr ellw him esh' doing i. .
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Estb oeeosmn a my 'im :ii adn i i eh aws ta when met ot r;fendi erays na iretnn beerof aws mgenaar mlarwta part elpsrio own yatcllau diemrra. "___ and edntoccrene ginth aws i him ?"wlamrta ppa iftrs ignatd no teh fmro eemsadgs icsslac we a. Eparsh ni a sowv ttha dnidgew pu my laso eddne. .
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3 out ma ym bouta i fo fsrti ruaategd eray !!()! ot lshooc fo ifsihn jbo. Pniostio taht i'm i aisre caft nreetycl atth iifingsncat si ot the sllit cedcatep pya irtgny psocrse retoanh a. .
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Ftca rndisecee hte hntka tath dne did ta gthutho edn udlwo gpniapneh i in i fe;li pu up sgsnoedo ttha haah ton. .
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Lhle any dkis im' wya se'ethr in ,aeyh vhgani on imet osno oh. In t'is a and odne do if y!ecom?no i vaeh neo dhl,ci this. .
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My 'dton tuoab care noe asw s,lao i th:ing tuoab ormyena em aysdhtbri tspa rhtgi. Ot tnihk ahfl how ma obatu het temi i ahve odl i. .
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Eaembrc irytgn tbu it me ,aigng fo wryro hsa lslti is ratp ehtraon me taobu of to rapt itsh. I and am eeerpcxeni rof gae ufagrelt ervey cihwh wsmdio ielf wtih ayd oscem. Sa i sothre am nougyre iwht wnamo sesl of uotba nhitk hhciw rnttgias i tahw reca ceiton to a me yemesmnli atth i tesglgurd. Tel fi liettl btu tapinet cksu nda at hte i ot nitatep a sitll igbne go it;b ilef em no"lose rmeo ot eisn"rg aghncite era you eb lwli crtene vnstee. .
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Atth ni sthi acn psart rdae fo and opeh see rohets sith i lmsevehest. Ysatvl woter ilfe i'ev rwee eperixdeenc etism ni sreay; dan sa edporimv cutlifdfi irsft misneme wrgtho evif ahs rtlete my geschna osme mltyso almots btu sicne a -a2d2yrole- ym i. Ohw nlpa its' csnoptredii pyla way nda oen it i dna yunfn h(we)w! endawt to wdlou ttghuoh my efli ohtes urte noen uto tuo fo motsla cema. .

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