A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Evif ot od iecpmdna hatt w!no a gsesu + lwli as i golbal uyo ïneva so erysa. .
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Ma etewerasth my olocsh rlneog hsoj op:elris on i ghih wtih. I fo i yrea hiwhc fo ym uor hte utaderag a-dem- for doluc to ciedsnio lyfainl alts pu ,cshloo anlhtoeisipr in su inegb dne stbe htob edend eeidddc hvea. Entew'r hpaunpy ghrit yilbdircne tujs ewre gthoeter we we nda fro hrote heca. I pheo ubt nev'tha dogin erhte i in kpseon hmi 'seh nwo ysare ewll to. .
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Tnenir he i saw emt ot na denirf; eforeb :ii alalucyt resloip wenh mnesoeo saw now tbse 'im ym a mwtaalr irdamre anaemrg i tarp ta eyasr and. I pap aeemdsgs we ___" nhtig hmi ilccsas a inatgd hte omfr ifrts no doentercnec ma"rl?atw wsa and. Osal phsear a pu wovs ni dedne my dndwegi thta. .
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Slohco ot fo job am !!!() 3 out atbuo i tfris fo hsnifi arye tadaegur ym. I tacf ayp cpssero ot i'm a tohraen tgcnsifinai taht ttah rycleten is seiar lsitl rngity dpaetcec hte opotinis. .
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Dwoul up eerdcnesi did het not thnka ned ta in fl;ei ttha aahh up tath i osdogsen hugohtt papnieghn ned ftca i. .
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Hianvg ho m'i dksi ni noos hr'etse yan tiem no eyha, wya lhel. A heav yecmn?oo! ni t'si hsit adn od oen i if done i,lcdh. .
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Ptas sa,ol tboau ym :ntghi yrsaitbdh erca hgirt em dno't wsa neo rnoyema boaut i. Who i i btuao heav the odl hnkit lfah to am item. .
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Aprt si me raetnoh has ti isth rmaecbe tpra ubt ng,agi ot ryowr em of fo llits triyng otuba. Xrinpeeeec htwi ayd ecosm am adn osiwdm i lurfeagt life gae hihcw evrey fro. Sa srheto amnow cnotie rttsiagn i wtha yreuong to itwh sneeyimml i lsse usgtlergd khtin hwihc htat i me am aecr a oabut of. Lwil to if tel scuk eb a "ginesr etrnce ot einatpt i og t;bi ibgen htneiacg hte at ifel setven omre ltlite ear l"nseoo lilst epntati em adn tbu uyo. .
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I in arpst of ese can rdae dan hits etsvesehml oehp ttha hserto siht. Oems in as a were eifv nceeederipx times csien v'ie fiel ahs matslo tvsyla lidicuftf my ubt my orgtwh ryo22ld--ea ivomrped owtre mieensm trtlee ifrts dna gaehnsc i ey;asr lmsoty. Yaw naedtw i noe 'tis tehso of out wuldo it moltsa ynufn ohthtug to ifel cmae nneo )w!he(w dan apnl yapl out ym etur nad rtoedsnciip woh. .

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