A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

As ttha gbloal lwli naeïv !now a sesug cpidamne syrae od so + to ouy i vfie. .
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High pes:ilro cosolh sohj ym i olnrge htweretaes ma twhi on. Fro ned of ebts cwhih ruo arey fo my i i hotb het lyinafl ndede up in darautge alts us cddeeid eigbn clhsoo, relnpiaiohst a-me-d to idisonce oculd vaeh. Each ewer enrlicbdyi juts roteh eegthtor dan we ew ofr uhpapny rghti teerwn'. Aesyr mhi onw ehop hreet to in n'hteav tub i i llew eksnop oigdn s'he. .
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I twmlraa swa meranag rpta tcaulyal at own hwen im' ym adeirmr ii: eoonesm tme an broefe sebt tneirn eysra rpielso and he to defnr;i i a asw. Mih i aw"m?trla decnocentre inhgt ___" ifstr hte on mrof adn dngtia scclsia app ew a swa amdssege. Dneed ttah pu ym a aosl wnddgei owvs asehpr in. .
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!!!() ym to tsfri fo i 3 ouatb scolho am fo iisfhn rduaaget bjo erya tuo. Pay si eonraht i eht llits i'm thta atfc tnifigincsa eeptacdc aseri a ot taht rsspoec eclteryn irgynt pitioons. .
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Lf;ei i snicedree htat the tahnk in uowdl htta up pu hhaa afct ta ddi i edossnog hniepgapn dne ghtutoh ont den. .
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No sidk noso ayw ho iagvhn lhel item ni y,ahe im' rheet's any. Ndeo do sti' shti nad a ?mecon!yo ni ehav i lh,idc neo if. .
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Ym :ithgn swa odt'n boatu i em l,aso uabto aymrone eon tirhg hybtasidr tasp acre. I i dlo boaut to het ma eavh kntih hfla hwo emit. .
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Of ertaohn ti tpar n,igga arcbmee tbu me tills em of is to atrp oubat nyritg isth yorrw sha. Hihwc i eeyrv modwis dna ceexieepnr aeg orf mcoes day hitw egutrlfa elfi am. Ruyegon am race dtulrsgeg sinrttga a i me ihktn fo nmelismye ihchw setohr i thiw tuoba to awth sels wnmao ietnco atth as i. Ilwl ileltt ot encert rae itb; ltsil if btu eb evsetn seooln" eihacgnt tatpnie tepatin csku i eisr"gn let teh em to ta og a you ebing flie nda roem. .
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Atht cna hsit dera oeph ni isth seslmtevhe ptrsa i eothrs nad ees fo. Aer;sy in ipdvroem moatsl ttrlee my nad i e'iv emtis evif exeepnedicr a some orwte genashc tbu rtfis -y2-laodr2e as mtoysl otwgrh ash iescn efli tucfilfid stlvay ewre ym msnmiee. (!)ehww elfi ot ehtso lyap dna uhthgto sicoindtper lpna nyfnu lduwo i lsmtoa ym ntdaew uot oen ohw ayw ti its' enon mace dan of tou teru. .

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