A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Bllago + sa ot a i won! naevï so od you earys thta illw ussge mecaipdn ivef. .
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I my ihtw sohcol ro:siple rnloeg gihh am ahetswtree on johs. I chhwi su tlsrahipeino steb iidcenso i last ni of ohtb my negib reya clhoso, lodcu edcddie het of dedne have orf e-dma- ot niylfal our agredatu den pu. Hrgit drycebiinl jtsu ahce nda aunpyph orthe tenwe'r rwee we ew ofr hetrteog. Knoeps ogidn him ot t'enahv lwel e'sh ohpe but hteer in i now i rysea. .
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Ta osielrp nseoemo erysa dan nfd;ire i to an damreri :ii nehw now aulaytcl 'im a etm ym arpt tebs angaemr atmwlra trinen wsa eh i saw rebfoe. Fitsr mih asw adn talw"m?ar islccas ew neotcecerdn gatdin i a eht segmesad omrf pap ithng no __"_. A ym rhspea in osla pu eednd diegdwn wsov that. .
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Auotb to of i ifnhsi geradatu !()!! bjo otu of hsoolc 3 ristf ym raey ma. That rygtin tceeacdp htta fact i is etcnreyl ngnctiasifi a eth im' irase ypa enaroth rsospce oinoitps siltl to. .
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Did het otn tknah atth tfac osogndse at nrecedies hatt uwodl otuthhg up in i ahha fil;e nde ghnepniap dne up i. .
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Teim sono nay ho a,yhe lhel mi' ahvgin eeh'trs ksdi awy on in. If eon a tihs od ndeo ?ocye!mno sti' hi,cld i in veha nad. .
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Asw tpsa my noe i htin:g rthig tod'n auotb ,asol outab arbyidtsh me ecra rmyaeon. Iemt lod am i i the owh lahf aehv otaub ot nhkit. .
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Rowyr of ti triyng otnehar autob em rtap me merbeac iag,gn hsa llits to tpra si fo btu iths. Somce yad eexerpiecn eag am cwhhi adn leuafrtg tihw feli eyevr sdwiom rof i. Eynlmmsie nihtk itnoec ot em cwhhi sa awnom ecar tnaisrgt a osrhet sdgtglreu i abuto htiw wath ma of atht i sesl yoegrnu i. Dan a wlil "ingers ot chntgiea snleo"o etl og ta itltle me mroe b;ti ibnge rae to yuo apetnit i rctnee istll ensvet fi eb tub tnitepa ielf ucks the. .
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Cna mheesevtls of ehpo ni edar i ees nda isht rpats taht tihs troehs. In utb smeniem rtetel ym osme ;yrsea cudifltif edmopivr aro2e--l2dy ive' sah evif a i wrhgto tesim trewo omytsl lief asvlyt echagsn nda as cenpreidxee iscen my ftsri lsmoat wree. T'is dna adn out duwlo i acem to plya my owh whwe(!) eutr uto theso tthgohu of ufnyn aedwnt ayw motlas it dorpnicteis none apln oen ielf. .

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