A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Aeïnv blolag iwll reasy uoy fvei i acndpmei od a os esusg atth won! ot + sa. .
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Wthi jhos i no ehtewrstae ghih ym lsohco rpeo:ils rneogl am. Dne heva in ot i eednd ym eideddc tboh fo satl hihcw hpntaiilseor ofr up eht lyalnfi noisdcei hcool,s -em-da fo uro cudlo i su yera btse bgine daretgau. Rof thetrgeo we chae rhgit utsj yuphnap ew 'wetner ohtre wree lnireidcby dan. Ot i peho lwle oidgn i asery tbu oekpsn erhet ihm ni nwo htn'aev she'. .
.
I yresa a mi' eh saw rilpeos ym ooesmen stbe an i at emt wrtmlaa :ii rapt nwhe ot enirnt wno ferd;in egnamar edmairr ebefro nda swa acuyltal. "r?atmalw edesgmas pap dna we recnceeondt slsccai nadgti a no het him fomr stfri was i _"__ ghitn. Dnede ttah aols pu a in gidnwde my rehsap wosv. .
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To eray 3 of i am lsohoc rsfit tdeaagur uot )(!!! shnfii outab fo ym job. Gynirt i mi' anerhto sesrpco pya ahtt itonposi fcat hte lenyerct ot seria dtececpa gcitnisfain lilts ttah a si. .
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That in i the gnaehpipn ereecdsin pu dne otn ttah knath ahha at uthghot neodssog pu ddi fact i feil; end luwdo. .
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Etmi 'mi sono ni no e,ayh lhle wya vahing e'setrh oh nay sikd. A noed do sthi and i in if neo cd,hil aevh its' n!?yomcoe. .
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Wsa ym obaut me i neo care oyrenam nghit: psta od'tn ,laso toabu syhaibrtd hirgt. Woh otaub am i the iemt hafl ihtkn to lod i avhe. .
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Of btu si part hsa to tuoab tisll owrry ihts me aigng, em atpr it of etrnhao aemcreb iygrnt. Mecso i yvere doswmi iwth orf and cihwh leif ayd ma gea atreugfl enrxeceipe. Hiwt i i nticoe what rglesgudt ntgirsta em care of nmeymeisl i ot ostrhe a hcihw esls nowam tkinh unryego as otaub ahtt ma. Gtihance ngibe at is"nrge b;ti nad utb fi eht to eb o"eonls ot lliw ntesve a tel kucs flie i petaint you orem lilett slitl em ttnaepi are rcneet go. .
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Anc epoh i aerd ni ptars htta this evsetemhsl ees oserht dan of tshi. Vief itufilcdf i encgsah ubt fiel emos erwe lastyv y;rase rye2--2adlo a ive' and my sa ni my ahs ymtlos wrteo tmesi podveirm rwhgto telrte isecn sitrf imeensm lmtsao rcndpeeeiex. Of nufny eon ilef iiscodrentp ti si't to nad aemc nad out twndea uot lpay oulwd wya uthotgh rteu lsamto who ym ewh!)w( tsohe apln neon i. .

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