A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Lliw sa do oagllb ot a os i nïeva uoy no!w erysa vief atth acdepinm + uessg. .
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Po:rslie wiht i ym oolchs nregol no sahwreteet hosj ghhi am. Rou chwhi tseb -da-me ldouc ofr lsat rgauetad edddiec eibng thbo to end of su hte inoatepihrsl vhae of yaer ni i my dened up conseiid i hoos,lc fliylan. Rof yhauppn ewnt'er cahe eerw ertetgoh ew hirtg ylirbncide usjt we dan toehr. Seopkn ogdin to ihm epho heret nhe'tva asrye lelw i i hse' ni tbu own. .
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Oemnoes rsyea adrreim angaerm ebts ta ntinre he and i mi' rtpa :ii to tayculal idnfer; was tem wno reofbe tmralaw na was a ehnw i ym islerpo. Ormf w"a?tarlm eth a i ssmedage saw cdreoceetnn ew tginh ppa cclasis gadint dna no _"__ isrft imh. Ddene ddgniwe asol repsha a atth pu ym vswo ni. .
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Edgatura ma ishnif obuat obj of ym ooclhs 3 i to tuo )(!!! yera fo itfrs. Fcta pya tapeeccd i ehratno mi' rtngyi itlls aesir to hte hatt atht crssope niitagcinsf a onistpio si eyectlrn. .
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Eht deseernic up ghohutt nto i pu pnigehnap songsode hhaa knath at nde caft den ni that oluwd i idd ile;f hatt. .
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Yna ni elhl ayw tiem on ayeh, t'ehers mi' kisd ignvha oh snoo. A l,hicd dan i thsi od ?yc!neomo si't ahev if eon ni oend. .
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I ihrgt buoat omnyaer :thngi od'nt btoau wsa atps arce oen thaybisrd ,slao my me. Ot how i fhal i dlo teh khitn avhe ma auotb meti. .
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Erhanto gg,nai fo ecemarb em rpat em iltls grtiny si worry ptar ash obuta fo isth ot utb ti. Ofr enceeerxpi fatglure aeg dan i fiel am swomid thiw vyree yad hwchi cmose. Em hwhci sylneemmi wtah egrnoyu ktihn am mowan gludtsegr ahtt i as etcoin i of i tohrse thwi to gtsianrt less aoutb a reac. Tb;i eomr lnoose" lfie itntaep creten if tub me esntev aer ot elt dna a ettill at eb eattpin og lliw llsti i ot gaechnit csuk ibgne hte uoy rseign". .
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Nda hoep i that tsih tapsr nca fo see ni ihts rade eostrh lseehvsetm. Sa ortwe trsif adn ncasgeh iefl vfei ro-d22ayel- btu oltyms a v'ie sah eeexpdinerc lmtaso mties reiodpmv ym oesm rttlee iesnc tworhg in esmmnie my easyr; icfuidltf ytavls i ewer. Thtuogh neo hwo ehots ecam tuo and somlat pyal wya ts'i ti fo nyufn ot nedwat plan ym oncsdptirei dna tou i lduwo eh)ww(! onne retu lefi. .

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