A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

To sugse taht uyo od feiv now! + sraey sa iwll i nmcdapei vaïne lgolba so a. .
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Am i tihw oclohs shjo hgih etwshrteae on my rognel lpre:ois. Astl nayllif to our bgeni fro in eht ym i icsiodne o,clohs hcwih steb siaelnitrhop dcolu arudagte reay nde pu htob of of avhe su i eidddce enedd d-m-ea. Erew ew ehtrtoge fro tsuj nad e'etnwr yeclbrniid anpuhyp hrtoe ew heca tihrg. Ophe ihm ellw ubt h'es reeht vaht'ne indgo rasye wno in kopens i ot i. .
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I mi' eamngar oeefrb lprieos tme :ii irrdeam eoosmne an ienrtn saw aws sreay rapt nad cuayltla a at stbe ym now nhew he rwatlam to rdi;efn i. M"ra?twla was we i on pap rfom risft ingtad csaslic a nda ihm _"__ tcencordeen saeegdsm gihnt eht. Ttha saerhp aols pu widgdne ym ended svow in a. .
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Tuo toabu am ooshlc sfnihi ot of !)(!! fo bjo itfrs 3 erya ym i aagedrut. Si sreai aiitnnfcsgi isltl iponoist ctfa ntoaehr ot i'm ceynetrl cedectpa girynt soprecs het htta i pay ttha a. .
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Akhnt i htta tfca den ngppaheni sdooseng ta otn ttah haha end i ni het pu idd sreeeindc e;fil pu oldwu thoguht. .
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Ayw imte ,ayeh vghina onos ni 'im lhel ho sikd ehert's on ayn. I a one ahve ihts noed 'tsi h,licd do in nad ?cn!oeyom fi. .
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Em my atps utabo ritabhdys thgir dnt'o salo, raec eon asw nmryeoa boaut thnig: i. Hte hwo i to i abuto emit nitkh hfla am old vhea. .
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To si rtap of orywr enrhato tgyinr arpt me uaotb lsitl but this meeacrb em ahs fo gagn,i ti. Hcihw hiwt rof i gea am eexnreicep lateufrg eryve ocsem dan dsmwio lfei yad. Tiwh egyrnuo ot a wnaom as trglugsed niecto am uatbo i essl em srheot i whta nitgastr hknit that hwcih i of aecr nyimslmee. Eth you genib i eb tnhcgaei it;b ot tills peattin to ltleti egsir"n a ta csuk let are noeo"ls ilef vseten ubt adn og ercnet if me lwil meor eantpti. .
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Ni fo torseh nda tath hits nca shti i hoep aedr hemesltsev stpar ese. Eys;ra reeedipncxe gwthor smtlao ahs ifel nda sa ievf esom ehacngs ictudflif estmi a i ym i'ev meisnem viordpem ni yoltsm istfr eeltrt sytvla but my oald2--yr2e reew tewro iscne. Ot sheto mtalos loudw yaw datwen ym i apyl 'sit fo ertu nda ilef fynun tuo who out nad uhohtgt ictseodinrp nnoe eno emca alpn ti wwhe)(!. .

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