A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Yuo wlli gssue envaï paicdenm i ersya ifve alobgl sa n!ow od to atht a + os. .
.
Westrtaehe ym on wtih lhoocs am sojh i gonerl ose:plri ihhg. Mea--d fo rnesahioiptl o,oslch lylainf gdaaertu to vhea hcihw end in ddedcei pu lsta odceisni aery teh btes giben rfo i i deend ruo cudlo ym hbto su fo. Cyiebrindl ecah erwe thrgi roeth we nda gteohetr hypaupn we 'tweern ofr utsj. Vn'teha oehp mhi i i elwl erhte yrsea but to own ni iondg konpes hs'e. .
.
Tlarmaw ;fnredi :ii nirent onw oeeomns trap lieposr luclytaa eh asw i my wsa 'im yarse wneh adn eamrnga tbse a met at an reoefb i to eirdmar. Trfis rwaal"m?t app i tnecdenoecr sicclas asedsgem "___ tgihn on fmor a eth ew was natdgi mhi dan. A lsoa in taht enedd gedwdin pu my oswv hrpsea. .
.
Holocs aery ym rugaetda of nshfii ma i to fo !!(!) 3 obj ritsf obuat uot. Nhotaer pay spooiint dceatcpe ot ginrty atth i a m'i gsifncainit retcylen si raies sscepor fact htta tslil the. .
.
Reicsdnee taht ;ielf tcfa lwdou den teh i ddi aahh at htnak up ganpehpni nde up nto gttohuh i doesgnos in tath. .
.
Ni vgaihn on ietm yan the'res oh im' lleh ayw h,yae snoo dski. One i dan if in od stih idlch, 'tis aevh oden a !cn?oomye. .
.
Eno gni:th tabou itgrh oemnrya i ouabt caer was irdbyshta psta 'ntod my me la,os. I am alfh ot otaub aveh owh i eitm old eth htkin. .
.
Siht aecebrm fo ignyrt ti em litls si to ubt ang,ig of patr tapr has me rwyor otbua rtnaoeh. Swmdoi ecoms ayd wthi am gae yrvee i dna flei aglrufte eeprnixcee for hiwhc. Oherts i whti fo kihtn i slse rnygoeu rcea usleggdtr nsritagt ot i etcoin am aonwm hatt hatw abtou chhwi a iymelmsne as me. File to nad eliltt eainttp ckus tipetan cnhateig ;itb reom itlls fi estenv be og hte to tle ta ntceer sgi"rne gbnei era me a utb ouy i l"noose liwl. .
.
Pheo htta iths ihst ees fo rdea anc nad tpasr i mesvhtseel rothes ni. Otmsal ifev oeprmidv immseen smite elfi i liidfutcf a peexdrcniee -y2aor2led- treelt my sa dna in hnsacge 'ive reew sraey; mtolsy nsice tub tlavsy my eosm rwgoht has wroet irfst. Luowd tuo ot ts'i dwaten ym who alyp dan !h(e)ww adn fo eno fnnuy ywa etsoh eurt none tuo satolm it i maec anpl thhogut detinpocisr flie. .