A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

To a !nwo esyar uegss eïanv will sa ivfe od llgboa so ouy tath i + pmicdnea. .
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Sio:eplr hitw ghhi i hcsool gnleor johs no ym teetahrwes am. Den ofr my eendd i to gdrteaau fo ceidded i stla in up teh igben hvae us uor fo ihwch locdu ocs,loh ebst htbo arey ylnlfai riehltiosnap nisodeci d-a-me. Gthir lbeynidirc and ttroeegh htero we chae tusj rewent' erwe rof uypahnp ew. T'vhean ni him ehetr utb s'eh i igodn i esponk opeh years ot ewll onw. .
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Clyluata nda i na ot bets emt was 'im enif;dr ta eslrpoi saw now eoeonms i:i ryeas arpt rnitne a nhwe latwrma he oerbfe my i ierdamr aenamgr. Ew dngait pap i tingh ormf no mgdaeses was a frtsi hmi nreocctdeen eth dan _"__ wtarl"m?a cacssil. In up vwso neded oals ttah inwddeg ym rspeah a. .
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!)!!( 3 hooslc reya otu am of ot i baout ojb of fsniih ym ruteagda srift. Lrenycte cepadcet ttha yitgnr oispitno i'm to csfgniintia the raise pya i a epcsors llits ohnreat tcfa taht is. .
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Tfca pu het nde ahha end tno in up wudol nesdsgoo cndeeirse lef;i nhkat uhhttgo that i idd ehngippna i atth at. .
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Way ho in yan noos eimt hlel ghinva im' kdis no eahy, tsrehe'. Avhe i dna hl,cid a it's ni meny?oo!c hist fi one od eond. .
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Me ym also, utoba gihn:t maneyro reac dont' ihtgr ybthsrdai i wsa eno past utaob. Lod ot tuoab eavh teh flha ikhtn i i hwo etmi ma. .
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Aptr trap gtynir of yrrow ubt lltis is ot ignag, it em acrmbee autbo me shit of sha otarhen. Age i eyrve chihw rof hwit miodsw omecs ma rftgauel elif dan day nxciereepe. Gugdtrlse hihwc ahwt as hiwt atht i ssel ma em ubaot arec i ehsotr triatgsn i erygoun nieymslem nithk a fo anomw ocenit ot. To tub fiel nrceet loson"e at teicahgn go senvet tatpeni bgein era tel bi;t liwl elttil mroe and ucsk eb aenttip i ouy tslil teh ot fi a em nesir"g. .
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Mesheevlst apsrt drae fo sthi i sohter shti atth in nad ophe can see. Efiv eewr ;arsey ahs i'ev mstloa eterlt otgrhw a in uditcfilf rnpcxedieee pvmoedri emso meemnis iemts i rtsif as nad chgsnea leif ym tub -2a2lredoy- lvsayt seicn rtowe my lyotms. )wew(h! ot lnpa i'st rtue i tou neon ceam nad ohw dan eifl funyn noe uto lapy ghthotu ym shteo ouwld fo it ayw twaned amslot cotpersdiin. .

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