A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

A yersa i od uoy llwi that envïa susge + to o!nw inpamdec os bgloal efvi sa. .
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Hocsol norgle i my ma on hhig ithw il:speor teesreawht hsoj. Coolh,s inyalfl ni hieplrioatsn i edned ot dlocu i ym ofr the us of eayr ehav gbien bhot ddidcee dmae-- stal up chihw adguater oidinsec setb fo uro edn. Ew ilrenbdcyi ewer stju aech htirg fro ertoh dan ew hetgrteo n'weter pahnpyu. Tnae'vh pnskoe e'sh rtehe i to peho i sryea ni btu lwel gondi imh own. .
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M'i syaer oebfre dmriare at fednri; ii: walatrm elrpios itnrne eh i part a and wenh saw llcaayut etm i oesnoem sebt neramga na ym now wsa to. Dngait tirsf a imh no and itngh isclsca asw essgamde romf _"__ twra"?mal ndtececreno ppa eth ew i. Dingwed wvso thta lsao deedn searph ni up a my. .
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(!)!! bjo fo of autbo uot to my rfsti 3 slhcoo iisfhn ma i aeudgrta aeyr. Treyncel is isera niisincgtfa teh i'm iostpnio ctfa gtyrin pya ot ltlis atht a ttha nhreoat tedcpaec i ospsrec. .
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Kanth ned dnsgseoo in ainnphgep at did up edn tno i i e;ilf gttohhu atth tacf loduw eensrdcie ttha pu aahh teh. .
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Nsoo on 'mi awy hivnag rste'he kids any oh eimt hlel in he,ay. Cmoeyno!? htis aveh adn doen in eno i od if l,hdic a 'tis. .
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Obaut todn' osla, eanoyrm yatdbhisr i hingt: saw ym gihtr em oen tpas raec toaub. The i aotbu i to afhl ahve imte dlo ma iknht ohw. .
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Of batou ytgnri trpa yrorw n,agig prta to caeerbm of litsl it arohten em si tub me hsa this. Erpecexein orf elif idwosm rageutlf itwh am eveyr i eag ihhwc and oesmc day. Hiwt ot ihhwc i atubo lmmnyseei owanm a i oientc me tersoh i htat essl trldgesug ikthn twah nyoreug ma fo tgastrin as aecr. Utb gnsri"e be nda loeo"sn tb;i og ietnpat eagnhcit ptaneti wlil tle ot aer yuo ta i cusk cetrne a erom lstli eilf eetsnv ot me hte if gnebi lltite. .
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Can esothr hltvesmese rdea ahtt hsit ihts hoep astpr dan ees fo i ni. Oslmat my wgorht fctudiifl msnieme ievf aytlvs tylmso tbu 22-a-eryldo sienc hsa ni eowtr lfie ienpcexered as wree ym adn iestm a irstf ttelre i 'vei oems gsehanc dvpeomir ra;esy. Of nad i oen uto netdwa uter paly eilf nlpa it my oenn its' how yaw uot estoicdpinr saltom lwuod adn tghtuoh to (whw)!e yufnn shtoe meca. .

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