A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

As wlli i nmdicepa a thta do ot + naeïv you bgallo nwo! uessg ifve so yeras. .
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No shjo am ihgh shlooc eesttwraeh lngoer ym slrepi:o hiwt i. Rof ebgni icdonsie of i hooscl, uro llfniay su of aevh i othb ecdddie in rsnpoleaitih ayre nde best teh ot tlas up edned my dureatag oculd ed--ma wcihh. Nda aech tgrih dilbrinecy jtus e'ternw erew rof ew ew hteotgre yhpaupn ethor. Yaser pksone oehp i i ni erteh hmi nehv'ta nogid wno she' ubt to well. .
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He eidr;fn mrtlawa to hewn an wno tme a ii: prat armenag neooesm mdiaerr i'm etrinn ym wsa tseb dna eofebr uactylal saw rseya i i oslepri ta. Imh on digtna ofrm adn "alawt?mr we "___ was app tinhg cterencodne a ritfs calsisc segdsmae i teh. Endde ym a srhpae aosl wdginde that pu vwso in. .
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To fo am touba ocshlo fo !)!!( irsft fsiihn i uot 3 erya agetardu boj ym. To eht esair ocspser gaiitniscfn m'i llsit ntpooiis is hatt a eytlrcen tarhneo pya aftc i cepdeact tiynrg taht. .
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Ta that not in aftc huohttg niaepgpnh pu den i did sinreecde dlwuo i het aahh ahtt sedgsnoo ;ilef nde anthk pu. .
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Y,eah on yna sono e'hrste hgnvai yaw in ho teim 'im idks lhle. Avhe in dan eno od s'it if isth a lc,hid i ncmooy!?e deon. .
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Erca one gitrh ,laso swa tpas oabut bouta i iradhytbs odtn' i:tnhg ym me nemyroa. Ot i kinth vhea eth owh lhfa am dlo i btaou itme. .
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It me atpr tshi has wrory crmbeea arpt ,ngagi uabot si fo ohanret to em fo ltlsi utb yrngti. Twhi i ilef wchhi am aetlrufg yad cosem xnicpereee dswimo reeyv rfo ega dna. Whit erca ldtgesgur i hatt i inthk hwat naowm ma me i to a hhiwc reotsh nryeguo autbo tgrsnait nmyleisem less noetci as fo. Aer seetnv ermo eth oyu og bit; chetgian csuk ot rentce ta tub elif gnei"sr giben be tltiel aeitntp nad i lte e"sonlo llwi fi to em petntai lsilt a. .
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I sprat ehotrs esseehtlmv can in thta iths ese aedr fo hist poeh nad. 2l-a-ed2yro tmesi as voerdmip ifev ni tower fuicditfl esmo has e'iv tbu seemnmi ewer ltsyva a lreett my smtalo and toghwr ymoslt i my chgsnea ristf inreexepced a;srye ifel nceis. And oludw dawten how dan w!he()w shoet i uto feli otu caem ture of oastlm htghtou pyal incirsetodp enno my awy ti noe is't yfnun lanp to. .

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