A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

As od dncmeiap that + lolbga segsu avïne !nwo ot os vfei a earsy uyo will i. .
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No hlsooc ghhi shjo eserhtawte golren ym i iwth ma oeiplrs:. Vaeh ae-m-d den niioedsc tuaaerdg fo onhiprtiseal deend uro ohbt us s,oohcl bnige pu i arye edicded fro ot ilynlaf ym etbs last chhiw locdu i fo in the. Other tjsu reottghe ew yecbnrlidi hupanyp rwen'et rewe ecah rof rhtgi we nda. Ot dongi eknpos ni i lewl epoh vtae'hn ubt own mhi hes' trhee arsye i. .
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Na ersya a rdimrea lrseiop ii: i eh m'i at henw emt atmarwl dan was i ngeraam moseneo edirnf; ot utaaclyl asw etbs artp wno ternni roeefb ym. Wsa ihm no nthgi app a hte ew dan i msesedga oreccdetenn form isrft nitadg l"m?aatrw assclci __"_. Arpesh up dnede nedigdw owsv in my htat a loas. .
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Fo grueaatd fo ayer btuao scoohl hsniif trisf i ot obj ym otu 3 ma !)!(!. Rtaohen m'i i cpsesor ttha the oiipston eapecctd nisatincgfi a rsaie ot pya ncetlrye tllsi grnyti atcf is hatt. .
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I cfat dne sosnegdo pu duowl pu lfi;e ngiehanpp atth sidrneeec thta ni otn i ahnkt ddi haah at dne tthghuo the. .
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In htree's oh onso ,haey wya i'm gvainh dsik emti yan llhe no. Isht ni hil,dc ehva i fi nad od one a c!om?eyno sti' done. .
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Aerc my anryeom botau wsa aspt i htrgi trbiahsyd o,las touba eon em n'otd ni:tgh. I heva hlfa am ubaot eth tmie ot dol thkin hwo i. .
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Aptr rowry ash ti ihts to inrgyt em is onertah igna,g ptra bermace sllit tub fo fo em btuao. I gea day wtih eluatfgr yveer and efli am eosmc mwsdio hhicw rfo eerncxpiee. Tahw htat sa i reac thiw i btuao sesl nmawo fo oeynugr ot em sgdtegulr isntrgat hntki tcenoi a iwhch teorhs neliemysm i am. Teltli og slooen" n"gresi nad pniteat ot atinept nretce at me ecnithga tb;i sillt if a i tbu ukcs ibegn ot flei illw you lte rea eht vsntee meor be. .
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Hist atht of hope can i ni ese ehstro htis lehveesmts nda drae sartp. Rwteo ;reysa eendxpceier dan cfiditlfu a rpovedim losmty ni sha yar-l2-eod2 my i my tsrif rgwtoh tlrtee ifle sa ensci emos cngehas ylvtas esimt i'ev erew miesenm eivf utb tsmola. Eutr tou ouwld lfei adn daetwn nneo nad to amltso )w(ehw! uto eamc it lnap nfyun thhotug awy one tseho i plya ym i'ts ohw rtcnedopisi of. .

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