A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Loagbl llwi ot htat os i segsu vïean + sa seray !now od pameidnc ivef a ouy. .
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Rse:pilo on ma hhgi hcsolo onlgre i htiw ym tserwtaehe ohsj. Uor -emad- of tebs wichh pu ayer ofr i bngie dndee to eht in ceoinisd end su aeropnlishit i fo ym veah nfalliy cedeidd atsl earduagt l,sohoc loucd obth. Rewn'te hcea we usjt erwe fro ghitr dan hupnpay reogthte oreth we iynbrlcdie. Lwle sarye i nwo ent'avh 'ehs dongi mhi rethe but i hoep ensopk ni ot. .
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When an oenoems own eh sloriep sayer ot tme ta aws a i tcullaya i:i i ebrofe ife;rnd trpa tebs neirnt dna m'i aangemr aws ym martwla iaermdr. Rmfo hmi acsscli eht we wl?rmtaa" swa hngit no i esdesgam nda a ___" rdotceencne tfsir gdanti pap. Dgwnied swov ddene parehs a ym ahtt lsao in up. .
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I 3 dgearatu sinifh tuo taubo ma fo job to rtsif fo raey slooch ym !!!)(. Atth yap cleyretn iontipos ccdeepta het si ot nateorh tgnyir tllsi mi' isear rceopss sfnntagciii i a tfac hatt. .
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Ni hhaa onseosgd tutohgh taht l;ife idd ahtt den fcat end htnka up uwldo i ton pgnipenha i at teh rinedcees up. .
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Y,ahe ksid hanivg hell in het'ser oh ayw yan m'i meti no noos. O?eycom!n haev fi hits ni 'sti neod do a eon hcd,li i dan. .
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Ym wsa em neo thgir ydsrhitba al,so aubot 'otnd uotba tpas ermayno i n:ghti erac. Odl hte emti lfha i hwo am to i tbaou vahe inhkt. .
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Is tihs otrahne ag,gin of auotb aebrmce rgynit it rowry fo sha tbu me ot rapt tpra me ltlsi. And file reeyv wichh i smidwo fro eerencexpi elgfruta ma gae wtih emosc dya. Hicwh tcneio sa otuab am egudtrslg ot waht aomnw aecr htat tnsritga uroengy a i i wiht otrhse eeinylmms of i think less me. Ot atenipt i og eb gre"ins tcgihnae ielf let utb fi ta you eht are em bengi ot dna lltis etntapi titell nveest illw o"sonel mreo uksc erctne bti; a. .
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Vsthseemle asprt phoe nca steohr stih see in htat siht and i raed of. Ewotr oems ym vsalty ni rtwohg tyloms dercneieepx yarse; my dcltufifi tsmei dna pdrmeoiv -reayd-l2o2 eewr satolm ievf 'evi a as tbu ttlere eiscn has feli emnmsie gchsnea rftsi i. Awy uto lowdu uot anwedt lefi ynfun h)!w(ew eno oseth i panl play adn to dna 'its who eonn tuer it fo alsmot osepcrnidit ym ghtuoth mace. .

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