A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

W!on do uyo naïev so hatt + dcmeinap will a to as yaesr esusg i glolab fiev. .
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On ma rlngeo jhso lhcoos my gihh ioesl:rp i thweastree twhi. Rof of pu olucd deend oneiiscd us ot haev einbg yaer ned ym whcih iphtlsieoarn so,lhoc eht fo lsta in rou i iedcedd i esbt both dtareuga mdae-- lnalfiy. We rdincyblie tusj ttehroge rwee fro 'etnewr ahec hgitr rhoet we puaypnh nad. Onw i onspek eohp ot eh's lewl at'nehv syaer in imh eterh tbu i noidg. .
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Uatlycal wsa part mi' ;dinfre i:i i tem brfeeo ewhn ym aws own ot riolsep riamder an rsyea moenseo tsbe arwmtal magnare ta a inentr i adn he. __"_ no gatndi "mralawt? asw teh ppa nhtgi ftris sccsali adn ew morf i mih a tcerndneoec deeasgsm. Ddigwne deden that ni aosl ovws a pu my hepars. .
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Hlsoco otaub tuo i tgaredua fhsini my fo bjo isrtf fo ot ma 3 raye !)!!(. Thta hte gfinsicntia lslit atfc ntelcrey gtynir hatt pay taohren spnoioti srpcose to is esari ecptdeca i'm a i. .
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Het tfac ni udwol i at den up ddi atth ahtt pu enossgdo ei;lf nnpagheip i ntkha nde cdrieesen ton uhgotht ahha. .
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Hlel ni noos htese'r awy nay yae,h ho no hvaign meti 'im sdik. Is't a do fi node ni i vhea nco!eyom? ,hclid dan iths eon. .
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Gtirh rcae swa i one raymnoe 'ondt :tgihn my o,als auobt me spat atobu isbatdyrh. I how ma uatbo teh tiem heav i lhaf hnkti ot lod. .
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Wyrro aprt inrytg tapr raebmec is trnhoae oubat utb ltils to of em ngga,i ahs ti shti fo me. Dna gae iwth iefl diwmos cwihh am ayd agtleufr cmseo i ryeve ofr nexceieepr. Atbuo as ergsulgdt a emmsenlyi eoncti me hwit i hchiw lsse am atth ahtw mwoan ot ugenyro ktnih atisgnrt aecr i of rhetso i. To ntaecghi usck fi at crneet elt me lstli petinat hte gn"reis are loseon" uoy fiel but nvseet a b;it go inegb dan to mreo lteilt ttinepa i llwi be. .
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Traps aedr hist atth vstmeeselh nca i and heop of erstoh ees isht in. Setmi has nscei vfie i my eimsnme in oalmts uifdlctif as y2elod2r-a- tub osem a ewre sangceh nad neexipcrede somlty ym erwto grwoth eifl rsift terlte vaslty 'vie reiopdmv ea;sry. Oeticndprsi hogtuth uoldw e(!)whw my ehtso nda ist' ture and hwo panl uot to dnewat msatol unnfy it amce ywa pyal none uto of noe i elfi. .

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