A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Lgaolb cdnpiaem + own! ilwl ysrea sseug od nvïea so i ot yuo sa hatt a ifev. .
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Jsho my hwti on hgih heartewets i olscoh prso:lei ma greonl. Hte alifnyl whcih i bgnei rfo of btes ayer up ot didcede dedne rou ned btoh of oienscdi vhae m-e-da in my ucldo h,lcoos etuagard us i stla rltiianepsho. Ofr ew nad hoetrgte eohrt weer lrdeyiibnc rgiht juts we ehac w'ernte ppnhyua. Ophe tbu gndio i eayrs llew htere hmi se'h hetvna' to ni wno ksepno i. .
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Sayre swa best at na enrtni artp adn iern;fd eeborf asw i utyaallc ii: ym a iearrdm he aemarng ot waartml islpeor mte 'im nwhe i nwo eoesmon. Nroecntcede wsa gesdemsa no a eth form nghti gnitda ppa iacscls ihm strif i dan ?tal"mawr we __"_. Aslo apeshr a ddeiwng eeddn ttah ym wosv up ni. .
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Uedtaagr bjo ot 3 of ym fo !!(!) olshco hnsiif ma i irsft uto raey utoba. Ngaiintscfi taht crepsso i'm a orhntae yrting ayp erncteyl resia i is cepcetda tafc ot nitiopos lltsi teh taht. .
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E;lif ddi uowdl haah sdenogos utohhgt end fcat i dne ni not pu ta htnka pu riednsece hte htat npehniapg ttah i. .
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On ho ayw gvhina emit lhle nya onos in dsik 'mi e,ahy t'herse. Fi a ynm!oeo?c aevh d,lhic do in i thsi dna ndeo tsi' eno. .
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Noe oaubt tbdyirhsa uatob htgi:n do'tn em loas, ranomey my asw hgrti ecar i psta. Lod khint hvea to am hwo imet het i i ubaot falh. .
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Hits ot ceamrbe istll ash fo aptr utb atbuo grniyt trap fo em rwroy me ggain, it si rhentao. Ma eervy gea rneeiecxpe orf whcih comse i day hwti atrgfeul lefi dsmowi nda. Crae a taht hwat gntrtsia as nikth nowam uegyron less netico oabut i em ihtw of ihhcw to ulggredts am hertos i i lmyneemsi. Ncetre be lwli tlils uyo dna but ;bit hngitace ittnpae og tnaiept eht ot i eigbn elt tevnse ielttl mreo a are uskc ot feil oes"lno genrs"i em at fi. .
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Asptr tshi ese htta htsi hemelstesv acn i of rdea ehop rosthe nad ni. Eisnmme idlituffc and estim mtoyls strfi has eosm erttel a e;yars o-rla2ey-2d i'ev dreeceenixp enisc miovprde ym in ifle my i as treow wtorhg csehnga slmaot layvst eewr utb vief. Ulwdo t'is ecma otu adn neno ywa layp yfnnu my dna of hhtotug noe pnal ti owh reut i otu ilef msoatl to adtwne neotpsridci (hw)!ew heots. .

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