A letter from June 21st, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, So, right now, I'm sitting in Josh and I's shared bedroom in his mom's house. I just finished my first reflection journal for the first 50 hours of my practicum at SVC. I concluded this reflection by saying that I don't want to work in campus life. So, I guess that's something. I'm broke as fuck, in so much debt I could cry, and I'm not in the best physical shape. But I also have a family I love, a wonderful man by my side, and friends that mean the world to me. So, life's not bad. Sometimes I think back to when I was like 13 or 14-- did I envision my life as it is now? I'm so fucking proud of myself for the things I've overcome-- I have a college degree, I'm halfway through grad school, and i finally have a reliable mode of transport. I think little teenage me would be pretty amazed at where I am now. So, who knows where I'll be in 3 years? Will I be close to an assistant director of residence life position? Will i even pursue residence life as my first job? There's still so much uncertainty in my life, but I'm not scared of it. So, in three years from now, I'll basically be old. Just kidding. But I'll be closer to thirty. Which is when I said I'd want kids. How will I feel in three years? Will I have a better idea of whether or not I actually want to have children? I think I chose thirty because by that time I should know what the hell I want in life, right? I'll be more stable financially I hope, and I'll be ready to decide if I want to have a child. Who knows. I'm only 22 right now, not yet 23. On another note, I realllllly don't care about any more of my birthdays. Maybe 25 because car insurance or whatever. I guess I'm a little scared of aging-- It means losing touch with youth, getting more wrinkles, and physical deterioration. But even when I get this letter I'll still be in my twenties so maybe I should stop being so morbid. Okay, I'm seriously getting annoyed by myself, so I'll wrap this letter up. I guess this will be a neat little surprise in my inbox three years from now. Maybe I can do this again after I receive this one. PS thanks Pantsuit Politics for telling me about this. Hopefully your podcast is still going strong in 3 years. Or, ideally, Beth and Sarah will be running the country in some capacity. FUCK Donald Trump. okaythanksbyeeeee

Epilogue

about 1 year later

It's kind of a weird feeling to read this as a 26-almost-27-year old. I've been through so many changes in almost five years that I view my 22-year old self...

Gseus lwli anmcpeid neïav i + aeyrs won! do os oglbla htta a to sa fvie you. .
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Twhi ym ohjs i esrthweate oslcho no hhgi am riosepl: lgneor. Rgdeatua yrea ebst den iesdncio uolcd us hvea genbi llnyiaf decddei our tsal dedne teh fo fo pu i ohls,oc my hhicw mea--d prhiatesoiln to htob i for ni. Tjsu ridebciyln tehogter ecah nad tehor eewr trgih we rof ew yppahnu wrtn'ee. Reysa 'havetn i btu epsokn etrhe in esh' i ot nwo llew ehop ihm ignod. .
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He btes ot alartmw rayes nda 'im n;iedfr an i:i i swa i rientn laaltycu nearmga ym ariemrd hwen tpra at eofber a soenmoe emt ilrespo was wno. Eesgmasd etodcerennc we a ppa i orfm frtsi lacicss ignth idtagn on swa __"_ teh rmt?"awal nad imh. Psearh nddee my a up losa ttah diegndw ni swvo. .
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Am abtuo my adutgrae boj loshoc to sftri (!!)! i fo yare fshnii otu of 3. To areotnh ttha 'im fatc ayp neelycrt is litsl iangicsnfit a oisiotpn i tath proessc riygtn esair dpectcea eht. .
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Lefi; that i eht at neosdgso otn ulwod edn edsrneiec pu haha idd tanhk ctfa in ahtt hgohutt end nngaeipph i up. .
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,eayh snoo oh no way angivh 'thsree dski nya mi' lhel ni imet. Edno sith nda dch,il in evah fi i i'st noe do a on?omy!ce. .
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Utabo d'tno n:hgti my anreymo em apst saw ecar atbuo oen l,aos i yaitrdsbh hritg. Vahe i obatu am ohw teim i to flah kniht eht dol. .
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Em rtniyg rtaoneh but it fo si ai,gng to hits em tlils ambecre fo tpar sha rpat ouabt rwory. Evyer ofr hitw reexncpeie emocs gae eglaturf dya omsidw dna lief ichhw am i. Of uobat em am rshoet irtgstna i as awht i ldgsuetgr to iwht sesl mwnao ttha lmsnymeie uyogenr a icwhh i knthi ntcieo acre. Will a csku niebg lefi tniatpe sren"ig lstli if etncre rea yuo to etnitap eb oeosn"l tel em nvetse utb tbi; og eomr at llitet gatchine i to the dan. .
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Thsi of ohsert iths see svhlmeeset anc ohpe ni aerd dan rpast i htta. Yeras; metis cines somlyt lotasm howgtr o-yar2de2-l 'iev lvayts tsfir sa msoe a hsa ni my ewotr etterl my i idmepovr hasengc efli imsmnee ubt erxnedipece dfftiiluc vief weer and. Ypal ruet ohghttu ew!)wh( cema nalp neidcpsirto latosm tohse nda eilf tou yfunn lodwu i ayw noe noen waendt tuo nad to my how it si't fo. .