A letter from April 26th, 2018

Peaceful right?

Dear FutureMe, HAPPY 30th birthday! I really hope that you are happy today. I hope that whatever it is you're doing, wherever you are today that you are happy. I can't believe we're 30! Wow! Aging is so weird isn't it? At this moment, I am 25; sitting at home sick, thinking about how terrified I am that my youth is coming to an end. The thing is, I have no idea what to do with our life. I don't know if I want to get into marketing, but that's where I'm at right now. I miss writing, but it seems that I do everything these days but write. I am running around like a fucking crazy person since moving to New York and some of that has come off itself onto me. I don't like the anxiety of this state, I don't like how rushed I feel all the time. I feel like there isn't enough time in the day to think all the things I want to think, read all the things I want to read, and do all the things I want to do- does that get better wherever you are? Are you happier now? Did we find what we loved? If we didn't- I hope that we are at least happy. 30 is a big number, try not to be afraid of it. We are 30, flirty and thriving! Hopefully.. This year I am going to SC twice, and also trying to figure out if grad school is worth the money. If marriage is worth the headache, if the white-picket fence thing is actually for me. I wish I could look through a window at wherever you are right now and adjust accordingly. Did you get married?! Where!? Did you have any regrets? Did you ever make it back to California? Where else in the world have you gone? So many questions! But I'm sure you have answered them all already. I love you so much, I love us, and I love this experience on earth. If weed is legal nation wide, find a joint with some napa red wine today, and laugh. Laugh, dance, cry, celebrate. Happy 30th

Epilogue

about 22 hours later

Why Hello there 25 year old self. My goodness, what a journey we’ve already had and will continue on.

Yes, things will...

Sowl. .
And in ylu’ol od ewll ragikenmt - nuicento esy,. .
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Abkc emak tahw? suseg oyu fconliaair to idd it. Otn ctlaxye oyu onrrhten nmid in - hda ubt ’ltil hwta meti be sith arcifiaonl. Sna ot rcaoincfs uofyersl mveo ouy. .
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Sye a,hah. I know. .
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Rateg era cast uyo! ni noji the nda eys ethahl. .
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L’ilt hte eb hda uyro tbu it ehilw ni oto uosl gdoo - eb acfrolinai t’lil w’tasn darh nnusy rof dnmi armed uyo -. Prhctae a negginibn fo fo hte oyur eifl t’si armjo nnrrfotmaoatlsai. Wekn btu lliw cpltmyeole dna abre uo,y trivhgyeen ni ttha mnid - uaodnr uyo het rdlow gechan. .
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Btu yll’uo evuivrs. Of dna eobmce usbeace it nseogrtr. .
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Meor snew oodg. Uroy rgcaeil ot you kpra ilaantno do - olamutes drareim gte ni. Adile,h rina uroy - teh n,esdow btu ti of eurdop hpepsiat dna aws eilf ti yda. .
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Ti ctn’a thhugo vgei i ywaa all. Umch eftecp,r arsye - lluo’y ’renat lrtea so atht gniesrdi dan teprec,s dna the tepraapeci nsrpoe iwhint be teh tbu vel,o osernp rofm u’eyor u’ylol wlli. Tn’od tnseetwi mchu ryt yojne bucea-se kbca rwryo ca’nt uoy uyor adn ot oot go. .