A letter from April 2nd, 2018

Dear FutureMe, Andami na nangyari sa buhay ko. Hindi ko maintindihan kung napariwara ba ako o sa panahong 'to nalaman ko kung sino ba talaga ako. Nag-iinom na ko, nagmumura, nakikipagsex kung kani-kanino after malasing (including my ex and stranger), nakipagmomol,nanigarilyo, at kung anu-ano pa. Pero, wala akong pinagsisihan sa lahat ng 'yun except syempre dun sa first ko tangina. What I mean is, I never expected these things to happen to me kasi people see me as a role model, yet I am the one who broke the rule. Actually, matagal ko nang alam na I can break the rules kasi wala naman akong boundary at wala rin akong pakealam sa sasabihin ng iba, pero I didn't see this coming na lahat ng 'yon naranasan ko in just a span of months last year, 2017. IMAGINE. Andami kong naging ex. Actually, landi. Kasi mabilis mawala. Nauna 'yung taga-Manila na wala naman sadya akong balak seryosohin kaya nakipagbreak ako before our second monthsary. Next is 'yung nakilala ko sa whisper which is putangina my first kiss, ew. It seemed vivid to me what happened that day until now, bwiset. Third is, 'yung pinsanin 'ko. IDK. It just happened. Actually, first love 'ko 'yun. And knowing me, kapag nagkagusto na din sa'kin 'yung tao, bibitawan ko na agad. Pero that didn't happened smoothly. Nakulong siya, yes. And days by, I felt the need of landi again. Kaya, next resort is yung kapitbahay namin dito na may nililigawan din for 3 years. Walang relationship na nasira pero we both cheated when it comes to commitment. Nung mga time na 'yon, nadalaw pa rin ako sa pinsanin ko, and siya may on-off communication sila nung nililigawan niya. Maybe we were destined to be just each other's shoulders to lean on, nung mga panahong hinahanap namin sa mga respective persons ang attention na gusto namin. Maybe just like that. And it happened sooooo fast. Mabilis din nawala. I know, because we have the same mindset. We are both Libras. And commitment is kind of a joke to us both so after mawala, landi na naman ulit sa iba. And I think, I found that interesting kasi alam namin sa sarili namin na we were just meant to flirt each other, nothing more. And we both accepted that and moved on like we used to. Walang sakitan na naganap kasi bakit naman namin sasaktan ang mga sarili namin kung alam naman naming parehas na landian lang, hindi ba? That's the perks of finding a person with the same thoughts as you are. No explanation needed. Kung aalis, edi go. Kung mags-stay, stay as friends with benefits. Nothing should follow. And lastly, the person I am with right now, madali ko lang din nakuha. Siguro mga 1 week after nung parting ways namin ni kapwa-Libra, ayun na may bago na ulit ako. And that happened smoothly naman. Magkabarkada silang lahat and we are both common friends of each other. Hindi ko siya madalas makita non kasi I am always inside our place, pero siya andun sa kapitbahay. I don't know kung lagi, pero 'yun. The first interaction we had was when we bumped each other sa tricycle. I never imagined na isang school lang pala ang pinapasukan namin kasi hello, i don't care. Pero siya tawa ng tawa habang katabi ko at ako nagrereview so winalang-bahala ko na lang. He even initiated na ibaba ako sa south gate which is sa north gate dapat ako bababa at mapapaprint. So 'yun, what happened was that hindi na ko nakapagprint. Nakakahiya naman sa pagiging good samaritan niya. Pero, walang nangyari na muna after non. The first time na nakausap ko talaga siya e nung inuman na sa labas namin. 'Yun, that happened a week nga after nung Libra. After that inuman, nagchat siya and all. Nasundan ang inuman, then nagmomol kami. Sunod non, yun na. Start na. Mahal niya na daw ako and I laughed kasi hello, what is love? Just because I kissed him doesnt mean love na 'yon. And by that, he told me I was his first. I kind of natuwa and at the same time nalungkot for him kasi sinayang niya yung first time niya na dapat sa isang matinong babae niya nakuha. Alam kong lolokohin ko lang to kaya simula palang, pinakita ko na agad sa kaniya na halikan lang 'yon, walang seryosohan, at walang hulugan. Pero hindi eh, naniwala siya at naniniwala pa rin siyang mamahalin ko siya kahit kitang-kita naman sa mga actions ko na wala akong balak magseryoso. **TO BE FOLLOWED**