A letter from June 6th, 2017 (8:02 PM)

Dear FutureMe, I cannot believe how fast time went by. Hello, almost 18 year old me. How did Senior High School go? I hope your depression and anxiety did not go worse. I am here writing to you again because I just received a letter from two years ago. Let's do a rewind, shall we? So basically, those 2 years were pretty chill. I'm not gonna lie. Our grades were a lil bit above average even though we barely amped up the studying. Remember when we used to enjoy AP Class? On our last year of Junior High, we got Sir Henry as the new AP teacher and it was the worst. Lol i don't even want to talk about it. We barely studied in AP thus flunking a few quizes and exams BUT we received high grades actually. Okay, moving on. Oooh speaking of moving on 😏. Do you remember Johnmarc? I cannot believe that we confessed to him. Crazy, I know. Where did we get the courage to do that?? We wrote a long ass letter for him, sent it via messenger, then got rejected lol. It's okay though. We got over him completely by March. Do you also remember the NCAE results? Lol I don't think you could ever forget. How is EXO though? Also how is NCT doing?? Aww it pains me to think that I'm gonna have to drop this whole kpop thing in the future. My heart is already invested in those boys 😭. I have literally found no one attractive but them. NCT and EXO forever set my standard waaaaay high. Well, it's not like we're planning to get married anyway. The whole domestic wife thing really irks me. I don't want to study until college only to end up as someone's stay-at-home wife with kids. Kids are the worst. They're gonna be assholes forever. Are you still fat? I hope not. Do you have a love life? You better be studying hard. We can't afford to flunk. Literally. Mom and dad are working very hard so we could have a good future. Take care of your health, too. We don't want any illness hindering our goal. Also if you're still shy AF, please stop. Like seriously. You look like a creep whenever you stare. How's your voice? Is it gone forever? How about your period? When was the last time you had it? Was it this summer (2017)? How is life with Kayla Atajar? Jasmin said she's a hell to cross. I hope you did not make any enemies. We both hate having enemies. Are you still with the squad? Or did it end up like every high school squad ever? Like everyone is acknowledging each other's presence but all of us have our own lives so it's awkward? Do you still talk? I really don't want to leave right now. The squad has really become our comfort zone. It wasn't the school. It was never the school. It's the squad. Jasmin Pasia, Nicolai Obrador, Reniel De Guzman, Julie Ann De Llamas. I miss them right now. I'm always gonna miss them. We have our differences but I love them to death. They're the realest friends I'm ever gonna get. It's bc before we didn't really need friends for our own benefits (like grades or some shit). We were friends because we enjoyed each other's company. I don't want to grow up. I don't want to leave this comfort zone. I don't want fake friends. And most importantly, I don't wanna be alone. You know how hard it is being an introvert. I really hope you find some real friends there. I'm close to having a meltdown here. I'm really scared of it all. Everything. I am not ready for this change. I'm so scared. I feel so alone and useless. I don't even feel like I'm doing anything right. Am I even in the right strand? I don't even know what to say anymore. Have I hit rock bottom? I don't want to have a meltdown when we finally get there. Words cannot express how scared I am. I can never stress how scared I am. I bet Senior High was stressful. Look, all I've been thinking is goddamned KPOP. My heart's emotionally invested in NCT and EXO. I'm gonna love them forever. My mind's completely blank now. I'm gonna list down everything that's important to me right now. I'm so scared of letting go and I feel like leaving behind all of these. I swear to God I wont. I promise. Squad Lee Taeyong Moon Taeil Nakamoto Yuta Suh Johnny Ji Hansol Kim Dongyoung Jung Jaehyun Ten Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul Dong Winwin Qian Kun Lee Mark Lee Donghyuck Na Jaemin Lee Jeno Huang Renjun Zhong Chenle Park Jisung Kim Junmyeon Park Chanyeol Byun Baekhyun Kim Jongdae Kim Minseok Zhang Yixing Do Kyungsoo Kim Jongin Oh Sehun Dodie Clark Yukhei Jungwoo Torete Migraine Kung Wala Ka Tell Me Where It Hurts Say You Won't Let Go 24k Magic Right here, Right now Fix you - Canyon City Dream in a Dream La La Land The Great Gatsby All The Bright Places Lang Leav You and Me It's You - Zayn Don't ever forget. Never forget. These people/things made you so happy.