Dear future me 11/16/16

Dear Future Me, I started talking to Kyle again...I'm..kind of flirting with him...So..well you know this...I'm just here...to say that if you currently are no longer speaking to him, that it's okay.. It isn't your fault for loving someone you shouldn't, that's just life. I know it's hypocritical of me to tell you to not beat yourself up about it, because well...if you're beating yourself up about it, I guess that means I am too..but you shouldn't because it's not your fault..You were in love... I hope everything has worked out for you so far. Your lazy ass BETTER be in school by now or at least have a fucking job gurl if not get ur depressed anxiety ass out there and apply! Right now...you're friends with Kevin...Nerdy elf kevin...You're really close with Brandon...You're close with Kenny and his gf Ivy..I hope you never forget how special they both made you feel.. You talk to Allan, and you two haven't hung out much recently but you did just see the horror movie shut in with him the other day. Right now? I'm pretty sure that I am in love with Kyle..and I hope that right now as you read this, that you either left and are no longer in love with him, or that he proved his love to you and gained your trust back and that you two are happily a couple..finally. I hope he visited by the time you read this..I always did want to meet him..Let me know how he turned out... Recently you've...I have been feeling kinda lonely...unloved...unlovable...like a failure...Please PLEASE if you still feel this way...Don't. Just DON'T ... A few songs that really mean a lot to you right now...songs that you should listen to asap...are Paralyzed by NF ...a song that kyle said describes who he is.. When I sleep by have mercy...a song that reminds you of anthony...dont reach out to him after listening to it..you'll regret it I promise you that the Anthony you once knew, no longer exists... Her song by MGK ...a song kyle said made him think of you.. you are the coffin by flatsound ...song makes you think of anthony...kind of like him singing it to you.. Linger by The Cranberries..song makes you think of kyle.. Say you wont let go by James Arthur.. song kyle showed you... Right now as I type this...I'm heart broken...over a few things..the fact that i...i probably hsouldnt remind you as to why im heartbroken right now...but... It is currently 2:49 in the morning...your dumbass should probably be sleeping right now...but we aren't...I haven't gotten much sleep since kyle walked back into my life...It's very conflicting because we were kind of a thing with brandon and now? kyle...kyles back fucking it all up...always does...I really hope that he's in your life right now...because I know how bad you'd be hurting right now if he wasn't...because I know how hard it was for you to walk away the first time...so if you lsot him again for the millionth time...im so so sorry...but please...if thats the case...be strong...Things look good this time...So I can only hope that they stay this way...If he's still around..and he's how he used to be?...LEAVE. LEAVE RIGHT NOW. Because you deserve the best. You deserve cute handmade presents and flowers and suprises on valentines day and christmas letters and you deserve attention so if hes taking hours to reply or ignores you for days, leave because you deserve good morning beautiful messages everyday it only takes seconds to send that text so there is NO excuse. Don't settle for less than what you deserve because you're blinded by love...ok? I'm going to go...maybe post on my blog..anonymouslymaria...look it up if you forgot about it. Remember to love yourself...