fuck

Dear FutureMe, i am at work experince at the monent and veryyy upset. these all couple of weeks have been the worst days of my life. i cant handle life anymore, i wish i would just get run over by a car or train or something. mum and dad just wont stop fucking screaming at me and they dont let me go out or anything. they pretty much hate me and hate that in turning alexander into me, which im not, why would i want any body you lead the dreadful liife i lead. i have reslised that i dont have a future either, i dont know what your doing right now with your life, but fuck everything right now is just going down and really fast. i have changed so much since the last time i wrote one of these, probs for the worst. i have found someone who makes me happpy, but it just doesnt seen like enough...i dont knowe what to do anymore, i feel like im falling into a deep despression. im seeing this doctor now like every 2 weeks because i should be dead, my iron level is 3 and im always tried and very pail. she said that its not my fault that this happened, that it was just bad luck. have i done soemthing so wrong that i deseve this? im alwasy helping people as best as i can and everything, but its never good enough, ever. anyway..i hope that i get better soon maybe its beacuuse i have stopped beliveing in god? happy birthday ken (L)