A letter from January 1st, 2016

Hey you, I'm sure you know what day today is. Today was supposed to be your two-year anniversary with "you know who." Today was supposed to be a day of happiness together. But instead, today is the one-year anniversary of your breakup. I know you never thought breaking up was going to happen. I know you (and him) were starting to make future plans together before everything. I know you thought he was "the one," no matter how realistic you tried to stay about young relationships in college. But he wasn't. He isn't. Today I write this letter at the start of 2016. It's been almost 5 months since you and him ended things. You probably still remember this past semester, the worst 4 months of your life. I sit here reflecting on 2015 and all that you went through. I cry as I write this because the pain is still fresh for me, still vivid in my thoughts. But at the same time, I cry because I'm proud of the progress I have made. I still have breakdowns, but they are less. I still see pictures of him and I, but I don't cry as much. I still have days of overwhelming depression, but I discover my motivation. I have come so far from August 16, 2015. I'm not writing you today so you could relive these painful memories. I'm writing you today to remind you of the strength you possess. I am only 5 months through, and I have come a LONG way from the beginning. I could barely leave my bed for a while...no confidence, no hope, no love for myself. My passions, the things I loved most in life, brought me no joy anymore. I was failing classes because I didn't have the motivation to succeed. I was failing myself, falling deeper into a hole of depression, anxiety, regret, and hopelessness. But I pushed through. I accepted support from the people that cared most about me and I sought help. I am stronger than what life has thrown at me, and I know that I am on August 16, 2016 too. I hope you've kept up with your adventurous 2016 bucket list. But if you haven't, I hope you've at least continued with journaling, getting healthy, and further discovering yourself. I can imagine you probably finished your Junior year of college with a bang (less procrastination and more motivation, I hope). If anyone can handle 20 credit hours studying what you LOVE, it's you. I'm sure your counseling sessions continued to benefit you during Spring semester, I was SO grateful for them earlier in the Fall. I know you're probably working as a camp counselor and music instructor again this summer, I'm sure it's going well for you! Did you save up enough money to buy your flute headjoint?! I hope so, you work so hard at your music. The biggest hope I have for you is that you love yourself now more than you ever have before. I know you portray a humble confidence on the outside, but I want you to BELIEVE in that confidence. I want you to love yourself for EXACTLY the person you are...Easier said than done. But I hope and pray that this is your reality today. He hurt you. He ripped your heart out and bruised your faith, in God and in relationships. He didn't keep his promises. He ran away from a healthy relationship because he doesn't know what that is. He replaced you with another girl a month later because he can't be alone. He doesn't know who he is yet, and he has more life to live to figure it out. But you have your life to live too! I'm sure the pain is not completely gone today, and I'm sure he will always hold some piece of your heart (no matter how much he hurt you), but your life holds so much value. If you take nothing else away from this letter, take this: you deserve to be completely loved and respected. Whether this is the man you spend the rest of your life with, the friends you hold close, the family that surrounds you, or the mentors that teach you, you DESERVE so much more than you allow yourself to believe. You are genuine and kind, with a contagious love that surrounds you. Your music, personality, and faith has the ability to impact lives! Don't let anyone crush you. Your God and your support system will never let you fall... So be adventurous. Be beautiful. Be genuine. Be positive. Be loving. Be fun. Be faithful. Be confident. Be humble. Be spontaneous. Be patient. Be you. Because being you is being all of these things and more. Trust in God's plans for your life and trust in yourself. The love you have for others is immeasurable. Love yourself just as much. Here's to an unforgettable senior year of college. Chase your dreams without any doubts, you're going places with that huge heart of yours! All my love, You