Howdy, Stranger!

Dear Future!Me, So, what's a-happening? Having a good birthday so far, grandma? I hope you're not so drunk that you've forgotten me (how dare you!) or y'know, how to read. Don't you hate when that happens? Or hey, if you're anything like the current me, you've probably just did a massive cleanse and therefore can't drink and if so, good for you! I'm glad you're still taking care of yourself (er, myself? Ourself? Whatever). I'm so excited to one day be able to wake up and look in the mirror and greet your beautiful face. I wonder how much joy and wisdom will shine from my eyes. It won't be long from now, after all time operates the same way a movie does when someone sits on the remote--you never know when it's going to slow down or fast forward or even just stop. Hopefully you've finished an abundance of paintings by now, but no worries if you haven't! There's always time, art will still be there when you're ready to fill your heart with it again. Are you still writing? I hope so, because right now I'm under the impression that the day I stop writing is the day I stop growing. You're probably in college by now (and if you're not, don't be sad! I know you will someday, even if you end up like that one lady that was like 90 when she graduated and had gray hair and wrinkles in her graduating picture) and if you are, I hope you're having a blast. Remember to play pranks on the people in your dorm, leave passive-aggressive notes for your roommate to find, drench yourself in music, watch stupid movies, laugh so hard you pee your pants (preferably not in public), appreciate everyone, soak up the beauty in nature, have more psychedelic tea parties, and surround yourself with people that respect, appreciate and love you so damn much--whatever, just remember to /live/. I can't wait to know all the fun stories that you know now, and I hope you're life is full of so much laughter and adventure and happiness that it makes you dizzy. I can't ask you not to change, because I know you will. You'll grow and you'll change and you'll learn from experiences that right now I can only imagine. But, even if you're not the witch doctor/medicine woman that I envision, I hope you're so full of passion for whatever it is you do that it spills over onto everything in your life. There are so many amazing qualities you possess, but, sadly, a good memory is not one of them. Since I know your memory is like that of a pot smoking goldfish, I thought I should remind you of a few things. Right now, in the year 2009, I'm fantastically happy. I've learned to not only accept who I am, but cherish myself completely. I don't even know why I thought being gay was the end of the world before, because if anything, it was the beginning. I have the best best friend anyone could ask for--in fact, I'm certain that she's my non-romantic soul-mate. She's the kind that's always ready for a spontaneous road trip, who not only forgives me when I get so drunk I puke on her hands while she's washing them on said road trip, but laughs and helps me wash the puke off my face and the piss off my phone. I know her like I know the lines of my own palm and she continues to prove that she knows me just as well, if not better. I'll never forget the night we got high with Jacob, crawled into my car, cranked up the jams, opened the sunroof, and were surrounded by the people we love as we floated off into the stars. I've never been more content in my life, because that was the moment that I realized everything was exactly as it should be. Really, everything is exactly as it should be. There is one more thing I want to remind you of though: I love you. I love you so much it's ridiculous. Of course you may still know and feel this and are hopefully smiling and nodding along, but if you're not, I just want to remind you. No matter how far into the future this is--whether or not you're still devoted to your art, healing, meditation, yoga, and pure and positive thoughts, or if you've lost hope now and have fallen into that ugly spiral of emptiness and drugs and polluting yourself and the world around you with negativity--I'm telling you now that I love you. I'll always love you. Because no matter how far you may fall or how lost in the dark you may get, I'm a part of you. I'm your past; I'm the unchangeable. I'm strong enough to withstand everything and anything, and I'll always be there with you. Even if it takes a little digging, that divine love will still be there waiting for you. So once you find it embrace it, expand it, and share it with everyone, especially people you aren't fond of. Because that's the kind of unconditional love that can teach the world how to heal itself. Never forget that. xoxoxoxo -Current!me, age 18.