A letter from February 5th, 2015

Dear FutureMe, I wish i could have found this site sooner and sent you a letter from 1986 when i graduated from high school, full of dreams. I did manage to attain it, I finished medical technology then went off to medical school. I wish this site existed in 1995, when I first got my license to practice medicine. I was as ideal as I can be. I had mixed emotions then, but I felt I was on top of the world. I attempted to take my USMLE dreaming of going to residency training in the US, but I failed. I was half-hearted when I took the exams then, I wasn't sure I wanted to leave Manila and my family. But in the future it happened, so in 2006, I left for the B. I thought all my dreams are slowly coming true, a beach home, a secured bank account, a career and a loving husband. As hard as it may seem, I never knew what lies ahead. I never imagine that today Feb 5, 2015, I will become a jobless doctor. I am not sure what you will be doing right now. I have never been so unsure of myself. All I know is that I am dependent on God's plans for us. Were you able to back track and revived a dead career in Medical Technology? Or are you practicing medicine once again? All these years I just hope you abide with that one thing "First do no harm" If medicine is not for me after 20 years from medical school and practice, well that white coat has been hanging for 10 years now. I can only dream and hope that you are back, no matter how tiring and disappointing the profession is. This was your dream from childhood. How's your diabetes? I hope you haven't developed complications. You love eating cakes and baking them. Because the future is uncertain that is why you are typing this, I don't know if you returned to Med Technology or whether you have work or if you were able to pay for your car that is 5 days old and 5 years to pay. If by this time that Rogue 2015 has been paid for from your salary and not your savings, I know you had accomplished something using your baby steps and God's grace. hahaha. I hope that even if you and H weren't able to go back to practice is that you were able to push through being a clinical assistant (Less medico-legal) and that you are happy with your choice. I hope that in 10 years eh Canada has been good to you guys or did you decide to pack up due to the idea that war torn countries are more deserving than Canada and it's foreign credential discrimination? Yeah, Medicine knows no boundaries. North America recites the same Hippocratic oath, reads the same medical books. How can they prefer a new graduate from medical school who hasn't even touched or seen a real living breathing sick patient and decide on his own without a consultant having his back than seasoned doctors they enticed to migrate to Canada? Foreign doctors or IMGs who were practicing for 10 or 20 years without a single lawsuit, did not go around ******* patients in their home countries. Oh yeah, student loans.... they need to pay for student loans while you got your tuition with the help of Mom and Dad. Maybe some of them are paying it until now so they are top priority even if one resident who passed her exams and got into a program doesn't even know that Niacin is Vit B 3. hahaha. Oh which reminds me, Canada need more people to work for them and pay taxes so that they can pay off... because that is what Canada has more of, Land and a lot of stuff to pay....Go worker ants! I am quite sure you and H don't have kids since you are not sure if you really want one, you are 45 this year. How is your Mommy, daddy at your sister? Were you able to take them for a vacation there or were they able to join you in Canada to be with you as you dreamed of? Were you able to take them to your Disney Orlando time share that you are still paying off? 2015... No budget for that but it is one of your dreams. Not a house but to be able to take your family to meet the famous mouse. Remember how you felt meeting the mouse for the first time? Do you still have the 5 day non-expiring unused park passes you plan to use if you're able to take them there? I am writing to remind you that you should never stop dreaming even if you're still not back to practice. What is 55 anyway? It is just a number, a state of mind. Were you able to meet up with your friends in the US like you've promised? Were you able to visit C in Alberta or did you decide to leave the depressing cold peg since you came as a skilled worker? Stay strong snowflakes, God is always with you. Whatever you are today, that must be God's perfect plan for you 10 years from now. Everything that has happened in your life is according to His plan? He has never ever let anything harm you. Sometimes, what we think is harming you, is what is in fact good for you. He took you guys there, He will get you through. I hope that by this time you already took and passed your EE at and QEs. Not only passing them and getting the Licentiate, but you got into the system. You are afraid, so afraid to pass the exams yet fail to get into that system. I do hope it did change, they are kinda slow in changing things. I hope you got your confidence back that Canada has been trying to crush. Imagine, you graduated with honours in that country, obtained their certificate like they required and still, those at the bottom pile gets interviewed, while you get no response. That crushed your present self esteem and I hope you're over it by now. consider it as a humbling experience. The way their culture thinks is different from yours. Some of them don't value education nor becoming excellent at what they do, they are privileged. Just take that exam, they got to you making you soooo insecure...that's your secret... you feel insecure. Remember the times you were able to convince yourself that you can do it. Don't give in to the fact that they hate people who are better than them that you decide to just fall off the cliff. I do hope that you were able to overcome that phase and that you decide to finish the race and that you are practicing once more. Anyway, whatever the outcome is, I hope you are able to accept it, no matter how awful it may be. I hope the Lord prepared your heart for a big blow and comfort you. This has always been your prayer, the serenity to accept things that you can't change, the courage to change whatever you can and the wisdom to know the difference. That if the Lord ever decides to take the profession from you and it's really time to hang the white coat for good, is that you can accept it well and move on. I just hope you and H are still very much happy whatever happens, wherever you maybe...Live with no excuses, Love with no regrets. I guess you got tired of walking too fast? Where did you go and why? Did you really walk through life so fast that you lost sense of where you are going and why? I hope not. For now, I remind myself not to worry. I just feel depressed with what is going on that I just cry then try to convince myself that everything is going to be alright. You have food on your table, clothes on your back and a roof over your head. Unless you win the lotto, and knowing myself, I probably would have given some of that money to the sick and hungry. I hope I stayed strong enough to read this and that I never gave up, I am at my breaking point. Today I will just put my all in God's hands. He is the one who gave everything to me, He can take it away anytime He wants and He doesn't need to explain. He has His reasons and I just need to put my complete trust in Him. Haaayyy knowing you, I am sure you will cry 10 years from now reading this, but I know you'll manage to give a smile (like you always do with your past failures looking back). I know God is taking care of you like He has always been doing. And I know the future will be good because it is in HIS hands now. Love, Snowflakes of 2015