A letter from January 13th, 2015

Dear FutureMe, Well, here we are. It's 10 years later, you've probably gotten fatter, and you're 33, you old ****. There's a chance that this will go into spam, so if you're a couple days late in fulfilling your promise, I can deal with that. What promise? You've probably forgotten, because, you know, 10 years and all, so I'll remind you. Sweep picking ring any bells? Tapping? Pinch harmonics? Yeahh, guitar techniques. YOU BETTER NOT HAVE SOLD YOUR GUITAR. You made a promise to yourself, way back in 2015, that you'd have all those things down by now. Guitar players are a dime a dozen, so you didn't worry about being famous or anything, just that you'd be able to play most anything (especially the solo from Mr. Crowley. ESPECIALLY.) So, where are you now? Did I ruin your day? It's your fault, really, for not using a whole decade to practice. you had time, dude. Now what are you going to play when you get in touch with Indy and tell him that 10 years have gone by, and its time? Remember? I don't think its going to happen, but you have the benefit of being in the future, so **** you. Anyways, you were going to make an album for funsies in the garage of the house you were renting in college about the campaign you were all in together. Remember TBYDYS? Did you ever manage to finish it? Regardless, Rise of the Dark One was going to be the big rock ballad all about the hero's journey and all that jazz, kinda like peter and the wolf, but all metal and ****. From that gloomy intro, to the slow introduction of the heroes, yada yada all the way up to the attack on erathis and the aftermath of that asshat Erick's choice. You were going to be the embodiment of Tiamat in musical form, remember? The whole attack was basically going to be shredding on the guitar, and you took it personally that you were too ****** to play that part. The god of fire and destruction had to wait 10 years for your ****** *** to get good at the guitar. You better sitting there warming up on scales now, buddy, because you have some work to do. I don't even care if you're not friends with him anymore. Get in touch with Stephen or Meghann, if they haven't divorced yet. They were planning to get married, remember, whether that happened, only you know right now. Its 10:05 in that old house right now, and you suck at guitar. Fix that. P.S. If you're still a virgin, **** yourself.