Dear Future Vicki,
How are you feeling today? I’m pretty hungover right now after a rather emotional night out with Scott (are you still friends with him?) I’m sure you'll remember it, but in case you don't, you cried for hours because you were drunkenly overwhelmed by that feeling of loneliness and self-loathing you usually get. I sincerely hope all that's better now. I hope you love yourself, I hope that you don't want to end your life anymore and, most of all, I hope you're HAPPY.
You will have had a lot of therapy for your BPD by now. How did that go? Did it help at all? Did they put you on any medication in the end? I hope not; I know you don’t like being deemed a ‘head case’ and I think being on medication kinda makes it official.
Are you still fat? If so, lose some weight love! If not, I’m so, so, so proud of you!
Right now I’m technically single, but I’m just a tad in love with Lenny. If all goes to plan, you will have met in person for the first time now! Was it all you thought it would be? Did you enjoy the adventures you planned? How was he in bed? ;) …Did it even happen? Maybe that fell apart and you’re in a relationship with someone else? Or maybe you’re just single. Either way, I hope you’re happy.
How was Thailand? I hope you had lots of adventures. Are Steve and Stop still together? Is Chris still a dick? What poor woman has he gotten into a relationship with now? Oh and I wonder who your friends are now. Joanna, Laura, Adam (I kinda hope not Adam)? I don’t really have many friends at the moment…
Do you have a job yet? Or maybe you went back to education? Are you even still living at home? In England?
Bit of a morbid question, but is everyone still alive? Life’s short. I hope you remembered to love everyone in the family to the full, Vicki sweetie.
Please, please, please learn to love yourself.
With all my faith and love,
Your younger self.
Epilogue
about 20 hours later
Hey younger me!
I'm sure I feel better than you did when you wrote this all that time ago. I had completely forgotten about that night, but thanks for reminding...
Em. . . Moer with ,on rfsnide csott nay mi' tno. Own in do we ew ruo islev ew dan lakt atprcuiral gitohnn ea,pnehpd t'is riyelbrt asertaep to cehos so fibre fi rylrea sjtu sphta. Tath etreh lsoa eneb wya i uniosptmnco atlid,yalcarm nodw cut wef vhae avhe aholclo lefe os tuotiioseppnr to my.
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Iggno i spot yae'r'hpt saw ochse ogthuht ot ot ay,ultcal i sebeuca rtbtee i. I tbu ont eco,p a ddi for lrsuegtg dna claaytul h!ielw to rtyept ta i i bigne aebng i ughohtt zyacr ocdul good boj aniga a. Em hf-plslee ,acbk aws gleonr elph uc'tndol to i ot oldt eeascbu i go btu i dha eadmh;r ecosh on ssiecerxe i engiv seu i fles usjt hyte srupvyoile het asw. Wsa yniaxte emor i vreselye acetmiidon beeacus no fo rscahe my dsia pnitmgaci eyht cbka ni tewn yaeeyrdv noec tbu es,enxiect. Sha im' fcldftiiu it cftfdeea me tub okay tlo, adn a ti saw.
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Yse. I illts fta ma. Ot sloe evne hnetv'a etmtpat edam teghwi an i. Mi' oyrsr.
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Ldatniah. Sirft fo het i feafdcte ot ym ucsreo witnih domo os me qtui lcdo was ektru,y nretesnig ylfami orcfde dna ym oiinetnc ke,we my otu teuunloyrftna hhicw ni sdruleet brtnu giec-. Aters kacb rgte,usamn and asw eht and lhyoiad it on esroih,tew seipetd duelfornw loko het yondlf i. Cdaen umedbrges nad abcus kzou nda hita ylful ot tefl ivdgin in enleadr i eutlrcu i twen tcatbh,aa eynuatl()lev. I itme but i lekdi ot vhae oudwl renxceeiep thsree' txen saylaw m,roe puosesp.
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Ehttoerg no tsop glnero tvese and rea. Twih she onw't (who ryve hsrci msees lsoa ayilnfl si has adej ahs a eh a i hes' bab)y u!ot deeytfliin nda hwti btu thrnoea nereritfe so aryilf mevod lstli hmi, ,cdki apphy. Gogni siltl iatka nad tthgeoer nda aynd tnrosg rea. Vgrnteail 'mi emka rof y'htree neetbew wo,kr gnneadl etmh pledesa nad ilyat to ti ylrale so. Ehr nodt' ssmi i tsmnh,o eoksnp t'vahne ot rof i but annajo. Ebst remo mada in leif evha outdcn'l eb adn rea ot my lauar i getalfru my snrefdi adn emth. .
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Ubt uyo irecshh rdineignm dan nrvoeeye rof atnhk em is ldvoe ave,il vleo ym to slilt tylluhfakn noes. I nlreay rof hngoeu ndot' eth a spedn tehm otl lihew i a en'vaht nese nda mfliya ogod fo miet hwti.
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I i in adn inaanflci i gte maens rkow i ta to ,dieaitnnwo onw ot keli my do ta elpca onos uldow ilve sa aevh omhe the onw isllt but gen,danl. .
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Pptedos hwo( wnte me em she' ot won thwi daiathnl i hnwe ginoolk etlarnsihiop lneyn a vrey si to ahntreo grli adn nlkigta ot in iilamsr. . . Enver ew vneer ,mte ew ) eexeerdipnc the dan troetegh ew enrve plste tnreudasve so.
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In tihw a ncise evah arotnslihpie i enbe 2401 adn amy ma 42th hyapp nad i. Nad i him ovel me vsleo he. Bceemo rltoeeat herto nad rzyac ppeelo aceh echa tetreb e'wev ldphee hor'tse we. Me aeilfbutu he bdyo elef sah dphlee he ovsle nda ym. I hvea atth ihm ahser ahd fro a ta nhte but be i bremreem townul'd him ifra fi bkoer of nerrtuc ont and my ,up nda eon uro efsl tlraineso,hip elov fpeectr rsmagnuet i umch si't naelry nipto ohw we we nto.
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Latmida the now eth w,ya ho, kciwed, yb the suilcma vie' dan sene sprtci. Shtgin im' uesr see i mroe adn i hseeran q, myna estitck illw to ot and book de neeuav vaeh noos )!!!( see.
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Tog it t,tbere vkiic.
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Lla ym vle,o.
Xxx vitocria.
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