A letter from May 21st, 2011

Dear FutureMe, HAPPY 20th BIRTHDAY!!! How was the last semester? Did you make new friends? Did you make new enemies? Did you become friends with your former enemies? From the point in time where I am right now, I have no idea what will happen and, honestly, I am very scared. Human relations has always been one to baffle me. The way I see it, my last two semesters have not been the best. I've made more enemies than friends and I am not entirely sure whether it's my fault or theirs. I asked Kim (how are the two of you, by the way? Fantastic, I hope:) why things are the way they are for me, and he said that they're all just jealous of me. I believe him in part, but not entirely. Have you figured it out? Are they really just jealous of us that's why they keep judging and spreading rumors about us? More importantly, are they still doing it to you? I hope not. I hope they've left you alone. I hope they leave me alone. I want a peaceful semester :( Future self, I know I sound overly-dramatic and victimized but this is really how I feel right now. I feel lost. There's a high chance that, when you read this 5 months from now, you wil just laugh at how stupid you (I) used to be. You might even feel a pang of disgust for my weakness and whining. I've been there haha that's why we don't keep a diary, remember? Well, whatever. Laughing at this would be great, actually, since it would mean that you triumphed over everything that happened before and anything else that I may encounter from hereafter. I'd want, more than anything, for you to be happy. "STUDY HARD! You didn't try hard enough last 2 semesters. I know you can do it. YOU know you can do it," is what I want to myself right now, which leads me to ask... Were you able to do it? I certainly do hope so haha. In case you've forgotten, there's always room in the world for more empathy and understanding. Don't let the cruelty make you hard and hateful. Always be patient and loving and forgiving. Don't be too hard on yourself. I love you! Sincerely, Yourself from five months ago :)