Dear FutureMe,it's christmas, which means only 3 months left until I'm 18. I'm scared and exited at the same time. I can't wait to leave my family and get read off all of the toxic I My life and just be free but at the same time I'm scared because I don't know what to do once I get out there. I won't have Noone telling me to pick up my mess or go to work. I won't have my siblings to bully me and play with me. I won't have my mom to comfort me and just be my mom. I will have to have my own motivation and come up with my own ideas. I don't think I'm ready to be responsible for myself. I know I'm not ready to be responsible for myself. I mean I'm mentally crazy and I do drugs, I get attached to everybody too easily. I get emotional or sad over everything. I can't even get myself up out of bed most days. I have a boyfriend rn other than Allen. he super hot and he treats me wonderful!! oh also my great grandma Jackie died 2 days ago and I can't go to her funeral. I'm honestly super sad abt it and I wish I could reverse time and be able to see her before she died but the world doesn't work like that. I've really been just ignoring it and acting like it didn't happen cause I don't want to believe it. me and her weren't too close but I still loved her. I already miss her. I've never had a close family member die before so it feels weird. this is literally my first time crying abt it. I don't really know what else to say but I'm just counting down the days. oh and also my mom and grandma are making me find my own way back to north Carolina and I have to be gone by the end of the day on my birthday. I think I going to buy a plane ticket but it's like 500 bucks. I'm also quitting the job I have rn cause their not acting like they want me working there at all. so I'm going job hunting tomorrow.
Epilogue
18 days later
Wow, it's almost 4 months since I wrote that and SO MUCH has happened. I guess I can start off with the fact that I am 18 now and I...
I on vloe mte a wtih a app yug dnaigt. Keil my ts'i ltsil rfmo i inoglv tohh,ug vile smae wher(e i ,efober) tuesmni ipipssiimss sdarenrntpga veil lutaaycl no wsa i in eosuh rdao trlieylla 10 teh. Cna osno solynhte dnee rn mih anc i ovem she' as utb he and uot tub gnaer ko sa seiuss i ot sha ofr i alndhe. Oot am of i won dhilc dog a. Oag i get a eatpbzdi rchuch to eht i and i go gti olpecu wksee ehccan eneevhrw. Ym gbi ftaih wiht easuc oelv lyeiugnne 'vie lylear em fro i tdesgrugl slwyaa adn satth' god. Litsl he me tncuoing iacmersl sha ofr os recedta nmay dan. I ta tge loas i eosg to pohe nirgty a rn, jbo lewl sloa erlyla iwchh ehuowsare afec at a yesrd i'm ehav ojb aoenrht dan. Qitu obht ro tye i'm rdesy idk orkw gnnao fi hot. Ssuge get i ees cone isht tatgo jbo i i. I hte 'ntdo moske lsuens ot temi smkeos ware vile eiv' hto, i ik vhea atbhi esokm i fo )d(t eht oht tog eedw for istll iont erboef i doin os teh do hhgi h,tat thiw adveyery fof ygu rwko. My toh and oynl 3 esolc with m'i ksid tuan ehr. Chaterohe my nidka esrt ghsdteo adn etg ilmafy me sujt of. My atnus hte at hes aeucs eimt nwdo aodr eht 'im velsi hto lla ecapl. I'm oth rhe orf telafrug os. Cmhu wev'e aenms seh neeb ucmh so nda os me ot tohuhrg. Oelv eth erwhe tgo sutj nloy oghthut hre and a em ffo, sspi os much tub eno asw i eht s'hes eehrt even dlwuo i itpon fo i,lalyrtel own hre. In to adn rteho rtheo i h,ot taht rthno refsdin anht ancorail tub to i ahnt to tays thnki omm nwana nisisgbl impssipissi nad wnnaa i t'ond vtsii og aeymb latvre kbac. Nda dna mne,rayo htero tanh niadk me tno'd yorst ehr psan flel onttcca on i mylrnaod eend atkk ilwl lepyr newh uato lil' yrllae ehs my ym hmst utb atht alcl wee'v to. Vhatn and mosnht i to my sglisbin lkdtae ni. Sims corotln time reov em atsl ti i ewre had at so that umch mhte me ryc dma i ksema nnaaw on tub smht yteh idd i adn orf. Nact' ot ese lal dna erha in temh wiat ehrte tuboa vseli eirehtvnyg i. Renve r my at ancghe taht on eghyrviten nda treamt oeahrecth lwli ohw era ew liissnbg ym adm. Wnko rn llwe' tow htaw os ya ot rowk but htst'a dna to wyaayn bta all kithn alrley 'mi o'dnt i wno aktl orf sele. St'i asy idnhalng tub otniloema my onlg i ok ym im' si eisd nr, ti flie an no sa vaeh sjeus rsolclreoatre id' sa.
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