A letter from March 11th, 2024

Dear Mirami, or ramimi, ramz, ramirez and all the other names I used to call you. This is the second year I'm writing a letter to a pet, this seems absurd but ig it's my attempt at coping. I miss you already. We all know you were my fav and I'm sure Suki misses you a lot too but you were my baby, my best friend, my child, my snuggle buddy. I'm sorry if I failed to protect yeah, I'm sorry that you didn't get to eat that rotisserie chicken I promise to get you for your one year anniversary. This place is filled with memories of you, even my own body misses your scratches while making biscuits. I can't believe I'm almost forgetting how your meow sounds like. One day you were here and I bought you a rug that could almost be your doppelganger and the other I'm burying you in the garden. I held you with tears overflowing, held you like I used to, as if you were sleeping, I held you until your tiny pink paws turned green, until my best friend was no longer here. You can't be in my arms anymore but I'll continue holding you in my heart, in my memories. I can't believe you're no longer here. I can't believe you'll never be here again. I can't believe this always happens. Like a **** curse. I miss you so much so please come back if cats really do have 9 lives please please come back as a human, a cat, a lizard whatever you want just come back I can't do this without you ramimi. I don't wanna let you go time can heal but this won't. I'll miss you forever please come back. It's ******* me to think that one simple action could have changed it all. My head is full of maybes and perhaps but the outcome remain the reality I wish I could just wake up and everything will be the same as literally one day ago but you're no longer here and idk how I'll cope with that. I just hope you're no longer hurting. I put your fav rabbit toy in the little box so I hope you won't feel lonely yet somehow I wish I could just crawl in it with you and hold your paw until you open your eyes again but I can't. I feel like someone brutally took out my heart and stomp on it until it was completely broken shattered irreversibly damaged. Wherever you are baby I hope you can be happy, I hope they give you all the milk and chicken you want. I hope you get to play with the most loud annoying toys, I hope they play fetch with you even if it's ******* 2 am and they're just trying to sleep I hope they hold you proudly like the baby you are when you sleep I hope they let you lick their lips even tho you have a hot tuna breath I hope there is a tree that you can climb on then meow because you can't come down on your own. I'll love you and miss you forever so if I ever adopt another cat again can it be you ? Can you please continue to be my best friend? It's okie it you just want to rest now. I'm sorry. Say hi to catto for me. He is grumpy and I'm sure he'll love you. Not as much as I do but he'll be a great big brother. Miss you.