A letter from Dec 23, 2023

Dear FutureMe, Here we go again, being attached to a new person that will not be part of our life in some years, months, weeks even but probably forever in our heart. He is so kind, so caring and affectionate, too good to be true right ? Well it is in fact the reality, we only missed a little part; he's *** babes. I mean I had doubts but it was just better to be delulu ig. I'll obv get over him, I'm not mad at his *********, love that for him but it's just that... well I liked him, still do, will always do. Probably not in a romantic way but in a "You're such a good human being and I only wish you good things, always." I'll move on eventually but it does suck a little. I'm not gonna lie and say that I didn't have hope, I sure ******* did, he is just too caring and kind WAY TOO KIND to be a straight man ofc. As an "occasionally" closeted and socially awkward pansexual, I get what he has to put up with. Hearing his loved ones constantly joking and nagging him about finding a girlfriend and getting married while his heart probably (surely) belongs to a man. I do have to say that this man is really lucky, probably more than I'll ever be. So dear future me, and dear future K, wherever you are in your life, whether you came or not, I hope you always find good people around you and be comfortable enough to just be yourself. Don't know if it'd hurt more if your heart belonged to a woman instead but it still stings a little, a little more than I wish It actually would, a little too much that I'm tearing up but anygays (haha:') if I'm ever attracted to a man again, you'll probably the definition of my standards. You only see me as a friend but i'll cherish you (probably hate you a little too but that's on me) a little longer as more, just until my silly little heart get used to it and accepts it. Thank you for opening up to me about your family, you deserve so much love and even more, you deserve happiness with the one you love. I wish you'd be comfortable enough to tell me, but I for sure know it's a hard step to take so I understand. Enjoy a little more time with your loved ones, work a little less, live a little more, whether it's by being hidden or openly in front of everyone. In another life maybe I'll get a chance to meet your kind soul again K, maybe we would be lovers, friends, siblings, neighbours, whatever it is, I'd be grateful. Love, Past me.