Tara From the Past

Dear Future Cowboy, I’m sending this letter 2 months ago. November 25th, 2003. Yeah, the past. Think back...you're in Texas getting your brain frozen by doctors who tell your sister L--- more than they are telling you. Tests and more tests. Ms. Smith couldn’t handle you. You have no idea how hard I laughed about that! You psyched out the psychologist. She shouldn’t have messed with your genius IQ. The Grippervisor might take over for her. I wonder if he’ll do any better. And Dr. Johnson with his blood shot shine and two turquoise eyes, did he free a tide of tears and cry for something he didn't do? I hope nothing 'got in the way'. I wonder how things turned out. Did you decide to do it? Are you still you? So many other things to wonder about the future. Like, have we met yet? That’s a big one. It’s been 11 months now since we’ve started talking over the computer. We know so much about each other, but also so little. Sometimes it seems like there’s these big holes in our friendship that need to be filled in, but sometimes it just feels right. Maybe we’ll never meet. I think that would be sort of okay. I mean, as far as how much you’ve brought to my life knowing you in this way, it’s more than I could have asked for. Still, it feels a little like how the Cowboy Junkies said it, “Everything is not enough. Nothing is too much to bear.” Yeah, somewhere in the center of that. I do hope that we’ve met by now. Or that you’re going to meet me in Chicago for St. Patty’s. I’m going to send a letter 6 months into the future. And one a year into the future too. So look for them. Maybe I’ll be braver then, and tell you some of the things I hold back. Always, Tara