A letter from September 25th, 2020

Dear Michelle, If you’re reading this you did it. You stayed! I’m so proud of you :) It is currently September 25 2020, 1;45pm and you’re not holding up so well. One major thing you are struggling right now is self worthy. You tend to blame yourself for everything that went down in your life and I hope you know it's not your fault! It's not your fault Gabriel didn't wanna be in your life as the father he was supposed to be, it's not your fault you were raped, it's not your fault you wanted to take your own life. Many things are going to happen and you have to understand you have to stay strong. Fighting depression was really hard when no one really knew it. Mom thought you were being overdramatic.. And well your brothers always took it as a joke because you didn't tell them, it's not their fault. Do you still question yourself if you’re enough? If you do please understand you’re enough! Maybe not for others but for yourself. I know that the past is something we can't forget but it's what makes you stronger! Right now as i'm typing this for the future, you're at the edge and you feel like giving up, feeling ready to attempt again… things are just too complicated but that's how life has been for the past couple years. We’re used to getting hurt all the time but right now it's hurting even more. By any chance have you talked to tio timoteo…? How’s your relationship with mom? Is she still making you feel like a mistake and disappointment? Have you found your true love? How's everything going for you in general?? Have you moved yet? How old is g.a.m? Are you working yet? Do you know what passion is meant for you? Have you been able to move on from the past and forgive yourself for causing so much pain to yourself?? Have you stopped lying about your feelings?? Okay well you probably answered all those questions in tears… but um i just want to remind you of a couple things before i head out. Michelle you are beautiful, gorgeous, amazing, and unique! Please don't ever doubt yourself. I love you so much and I really hope you make it out of the dark hole you’re currently in. oh i almost forgot but umm… is nena still in your life… Please say she is, if she's not just know you treated her well! She's in a better place and left happy because of you! She’ll never forget you and I hope you don't either. If she hasn't left please take good care of her at all cost! Protect her and make sure you give her all your love. She's the sweetest dog ever. Remember that she was the one who helped you out when you were 9, the one who came into your life and turned it around. She's the reason why the attempt failed, she's the reason why you smiled and laughed more often. She was there to lick all your tears when you were at your lowest and cried yourself to sleep. She was there protecting you. And most importantly she’ll always be here. She’ll always be our guardian angel. oh and Happy 19th birthday! I really hope you're doing well. hugs and kisses <33.