A letter from July 31st, 2020

Dear 2024 maddie deacon, It’s times like this, when it 1:41am, that I wonder if I am out of time, meant to be in a different place, different time. Do you think like that? Have you stepped out of the dark and made more friends? Are you still self-conscious and self-loathing? God I hope not, it’s honestly kind of draining. Right now, you should be at home, it’s your birthday so you should be in Brighton with mum and dad, maybe Ayla depending on how her uni experience goes. You’ll be in uni right now, you’re second year, studying ( hopefully ) computer science or mental health. How is it? Are you’re dorm mates fun! Do you even live in the dorms? Do you go to uni far away? If you do I hope you remembered to visit mum a lot, she probably misses you all the time. On this day you’ll be 20 and Jesus ******* Christ you’re old, I don’t know how I am dealing with it. Probably panicking or complaining to Alice that I’m either going about life all wrong or how I already feel like I’m about to keel over. Do you still speak to Alice a lot? Are halo, Louis and tiger still you’re friends? Did you end up going to the same uni as Aimee, like you promised? Do you have boyfriend? Girlfriends? oh MY god as halo came out to her parents yet?! How are you Hobby’s going, do you still read fanfiction on characters from books and anime’s? Do you still like to draw and listen to music 24/7? DO YOU HAVE YOURE OWN ROOM?! Predictions: • Aimee has a boyfriend! • Ayla has a partner and is still writing. • mum and dad are divorced •I’m taller and skinner • I’m still friends with Louis. • I’ve had *** • I’ve been with a girl! :/ • Katy is married • Sam has a kid • halos famous on social media. • someone from school is in prison. • I got to uni somewhere far? Aberdeen? • I’m good at video games. • Amy white is working in beauty • Alice is still my best friend • I’m single? Obvs, ahahaha. anyway. I hope you’re well and I’m love with the person you are and are progressing to me. I hope all the wait was worth it and that I haven’t made a mistake. I hope I’m skinner ( 9st 8 PLease!!) I hope my hairs grown, maybe dyed and that I have my nose Pierced! Maybe my nipple too? Do I still hate myself? Do I have the same style of clothing? There’s so much to ask but it’s your birthday so I’ll let you live and enjoy your present instead of grimacing at the past version of you. Please make the holding on worth it, don’t make me regret this. Love yourself from 2020, maddie xox