quo vobis mentes, rectae quae stare solebant antehac, dementis sese flexere viai

Dear future self. Good god, I am 40. Happy birthday, by the way. 2024 sounds like such a futuristic date. I can't believe I am 40. That sounds so...far away. Hopefully this reaches me in good health. AND that I'm still fabulously gorgeous. ;-) I imagine (and fear, to be honest) that as I read this (if I read this) that I am looking back at where I am at this moment in 2005, with a slightly regretful smile. That I am thinking back to my plans and dreams and hopes, and reflecting on how they inevitably became impossible, or were cast aside for good reasons, or that all things pass away, with regret for those things that could not be. Listen up- don't regret ANYTHING. Of course, this means I will (or did, or should have) worked very hard not to do anything worth regretting. Nevertheless, don't mope about the past. Be strong and strive for the future. I hope I've seized life by the throat and squeezed every last drop out of it. I hope I am still travelling. Hey, future self, if you're not massively in debt, have you considered a house in Bavaria? You loved munich, once upon a time. Do you remember that magical week there, right before Fasching? (missed out on it that time, have I ever managed to catch it?) How's sonal? Remember that post card she sent, basically fearing that there'd be no more grand adventures? did you guys ever go to india? Have you managed to overcome your wariness? How was the high school reunion(s)? Did anyone ever get around to organizing one? I've got one coming up, the first, 5 years...well. not until 2007. All the same though, I don't think it will be very exciting. It seems everyone stayed in this rotten town and went to work at Target and had kids. One hopes that one will have found a handsome, funny millionare....unlikely I know, but a girl can dream? It's not like I'll have made buckets of money with a PhD in ancient history (if, i do in fact achieve that goal). And I can't see buckets of money with just a bachelors in history either. Maybe they'll find oil on the old homestead. ;-) with our/my/your/one's luck, it'd be right after everyone switched to, oh, hydrogen or something. It's a scary and unsure time now. Not sure which way things will go, or what lies around the corner. Not sure of myself, either. Even if I could peak into the future, I wouldn't, just because time can break things to you gentler than getting the bad news all at once. Well. If you can translate the subject (which I didn't mean anything by, I just like it as a quote in the madness of current events and public reactions), that is a good thing. Oh. And never forget the passion. The passion directed at so many things, the passion that felt like it could almost burn you out. For knowledge, for history, for the ideals of republics. For justice. If you've no longer that inner fire, you've lost a big chunk of you. And always differentiate between the right way and the easy way. Too many people now (2005) have forgotten this and in their fear seek the easy way. I fear this will lead to terrible things, as it has in the past. Hopefully, I am wrong.