A letter from March 13th, 2020

Dear Future Me, Hey, how you doing? I really have no idea what you are doing, what major life choose for you, what type of life you are living, what kind of person you've become, are you happy or not, are you satisfied with what you're doing right now, what ever you've been through all this while,I really have no idea. are you doing BDS or is it pharmD, or by any chance you are still in the field of psychology? tho that would be a miracle. right now, uni started not long ago, i'm a psychology freshmen, i'm loving it. i feel like i was made for this. weird right? i never thought i could have something like that in me but anyways. do you still have long hair? i promised to cut my hair in honor of the freedom i would get after completing my degree, be it BDS or pharmD, that feeling is gonna be great, i can't wait to feel it. also i'll donate my hair after that. you have to help me do that okay? i wanna apologize actually, i couldn't stand up for myself and you, i'm really really sorry. i'm making up for that by studying psychology, no matter what. it's in my soul now, i feel alive thinking about it and all that fantasia about being there for anyone and getting them out of their own mind trap. not letting them suffer or leaving them alone. it makes me happy, satisfied. i'm living with the thought that this is what fate kept me alive for, this is why i survived all that. this is the reason that makes me get up in the morning. everyone in class seems to be doing psychology for someone else, may it be a friend who ****** himself or a mother who is suffering through various mental problems. makes me wonder who am I doing it for? the past me whose dead but suffered like hell? or the me that just survived but don't know how to move forward? sounds so self-centered tho. i guess i'll never know, a part of me hopes that the old maheen, old areesha and old tamkinat are still together in heavens, far in the skies away from our ugly realities. i hope they are doing better than anyone. and i hope i never cross paths with her ever ever again. btw you're still a kpop fan right? does spring breeze still makes you cry? do you still miss them like crazy? maybe i don't wanna know the answers to that yet. i'll end this letter with one thought, i hope you've started doing the visit an orphanage or old home thing and are still doing it. this was a letter from your originally 19 years old but officially 18 years old self. i may have a lot more to say but some things are meant to be left unsaid or else they loose their value. i'm making this letter public in case i never get to read it again, would be a shame if left unread. i hope someone will read it for me and i hope he or she is living the life they wanted to live.