cheer up my lonely friend, I am lonely with you

Dear FutureMe, you will be 42 when you get this. For some reason that sounds so young to me, at 27......and feeling so old. i hope you're happier when you get this. I hope you're still alive. I hope you figure out what you're doing here. if you can't recall what you were like at this time, that's probably better. would it be a shame to not remember any of this? To wake up one day without any memory of everything that's happened before? To have your whole life ahead of you, and nothing behind? Sometimes I wish I had more good memories. But what difference does it make to be happy? We are built to spill. Is it a waste to go through this thing, with your sole purpose to catch as many of these things called memories as you possibly can, and then cling to them for dear life, only to carry them into the grave with you. You have long thought that the same was true with regard to the collection of physical things, so what's the difference? Am I convinced of the things I say? I wish I could be. I wish I could be convinced of something.... anything. I hope that something really convinces you. I hope you work towards it, and do something good with it, because from where I stand I cannot see the light. I wonder if it's really there, or am I just blind. I wonder how close you've come to jumping. Do you still lean over the edge and wonder if a momentary lapse of reason would make you free? Have you figured out what you're so afraid of? If you have, are you still afraid of it? Or are you still convinced that you aren't afraid of anything? Even I know that's a lie. what are you doing with all that money you have? Did you fall in love and let her tell you how to spend it? Do you even want those things? I think you don't. I know I don't. Have you found your soul? Have you sold it once again? How is your job these days? If you wake up every day and wonder where you are, as I do now, you need to move on. Take your kids, if you have them. Take your wife, if you love her. The world doesn't need another lawyer. I am gone. I will not remember these words. They will pass through time as if it weren't there. I hope they find you. I hope they find you well.