Sian - 2011

Dear Sian, Here I am, continuing the tradition. I just got the email from 2009 the other day and it was weird reading all about it, the questions about the move and Sam and Sonya and life and America and knowing the answers - not being able to reassure the past me, but being able to reassure present me, 2010 me, that I survived the past year of craziness, and the one coming up to meet me. This time next year, I will know where I'm going to college (hopefully), what I'm going to do with life (hopefully) and who I'm going to be with (Alex, hopefully). To describe this moment, 4.54 pm, June 1st 2010, to you, one year in the future, I will have to start with the noise levels, De Ionghs and Kavanaghs shouting over each other, and Aksel chasing his car across the floor and crying "ook ook ook!" Now to go with this noise level, I will add the work level, you have 2 weeks, and 7 school days left of being a Lincoln High School Junior. The weather outside is rainy, horrible for the first of June and my brain feels like it might just implode under stress and craziness. I have World Literature essays, civics note cards, cold war quizzes and french assignments and my brain is not happy. Oh well. These emails and memories have been littered with the boys of my past, 2007 (Otto), 2008 (Max), 2009 (Sam) and now 2010. Alex. I see us having a future. I genuinely see me, June 1st 2011, sitting here, still with Alex in my heart and by my side, at least that's what I like to believe. He means a lot to me - almost 11 months and a great potential for the things we can do. Just promise me, future Sian, no matter how great he is, or how great it sounds, don't let anyone else influence your choices for the future, unless you willingly want to factor him in. Don't follow him around the world until you feel like you've gained enough life and independence to survive on your own while you do so, if you do so - you will not survive with him if you do not know how to survive by yourself. I'm not doubting that the love we feel now will fade, or that the feelings and plans will die out, but I do greatly believe that this early on in life, I have to find my own story before becoming a sideline in his. On a more positive note, I love him and when I close my eyes and think of the future, not far, just one or two years ahead from now, I can't see a place or location or situation but I do see his face. We've struggled through so much to get here, I don't think we're going to be giving up on what we have that easily. I've achieved so much more this year than I ever thought I would, I've maintained contact with my closest friends in Holland, made buckets of new friends in Portland and Lincoln, I've found myself a third home but I'm ready to wander soon. So Question Time: - Where am I going to Uni? UK? US? Glasgow? Did I get into Oxford? (haha yeah right!) - Am I still with Alex? - Am I still in touch with the same friends as this year? Have I made many new friends? Who? - Where will I be by September 2011? - How did your IB tests go? (YOU'RE FREE!) - Is the Travelling going to commence with Tassia or Alex or Sonya or Emily or Chloe or whoever? (Where am I going?!) - How are mum and dad? did dad get the job at Depuy? - Am I happy? Don't forget to start every day with a smile, a cup of coffee, and an email to your closest friends. It makes life easier for you, when you roll out of bed on the right side. I love you, I love me, We're a good team, I'm constantly learning (and making mistakes) so take from these lessons (and these mistakes) and use them wisely. Enrich your life everyday, learn new things, don't get lazy, don't give up and give in. Stay strong, stay healthy, stay away from those chocolate bars! (and start loosing those lbs and kgs!) Tell mum you love her everyday, tell Alex too (if, god I hope not, we're not talking, please just email him, remind him how big a part of a life he was once upon a time. Let him know that you still are, and could be). Take photographs. Back them up. It's good to have spare copies and watch your development - the better you get the more pride you'll feel. Live everyday as though it's your last, dream everyday as if you'll live forever, love everyday as though it's your last to give, care about someone else everyday, a little bit more than you do yourself. You're 18, good luck Adult Sian, you can do it!