A letter from May 23rd, 2019

To the Most Beautiful Story that happened in my life, Today, you're reading my email that was composed and scheduled almost five months ago. This is my future letter that still includes my highest breakings in our relationship, and also our breakthroughs. This day, I still feel the rejection of not giving me a second chance to make things right between us. I do not want to believe that you became the worst person I never expected. As I am writing you this, I am still stuck for what you did for us (you decided alone). Today, I still do not want to give up on you, and us. But this very day, I have to decide not for us, if not, for my life. Kailangan kong pag-iralin ang utak kaysa sa puso. Today, 23rd of May (16 months na sana tayo ngayon), I am settling to live and continue my life without you. Hindi sa sumusuko ako ngayon, o sa’yo, but I reached my end na itigil na ang lahat dahil ramdam ko na wala na kong kwenta at halaga ang mga ginagawa ko. Sa’yo na rin nanggaling na i-surround ko sarili ko sa mga taong alam nila ang worth ko at pinahahalagahan ako. I guess hindi ikaw yun. You knew deep into your heart that I really wanted to fight for this relationship. Gusto kong manalo tayo over the situation. But I realised, fighting alone will never work if the person you love ended up first your battle. Today, I lost the battle. I lost the value of being the person because of expecting and investing too much feelings to the person who can't treat me as her treasure. Ganito pala ang feeling na mahalin ka. Kung ano ang kina-perfect ng umpisa ng relasyon natin, ang pagmamahal mo, may expiration date, meaning, pag ayaw mo na nakikita mo sa taong mahal, iiwan mo na lang basta-basta, at ito naman ang ika-dudurog at ika-babagsak ng buhay ko ngayon. Iniisip ko, kung totoo bang minahal mo ko. Because it doesn't reflect any love for what you did. Mas masakit pala na iwan ka ng taong mahal mo na hindi ka nanloko sa kanya, dahil ang panloloko madaling iwan pero yung bumagsak ang buhay ng taong mahal mo, na, hindi mo man tinulungan, mas malalim pala ang sakit na dala pala nito, because she saw your worst, and she didn't even try to handle it, she didn't even try to help you to overcome it. Pero ngayon, tinatanggap ko na wala na tayo. I’m accepting all of these, so, I can start again. Wag kang mag-alala, kahit kailangan hindi ka makakalimutan sa buhay ko. I thank God today that you became the greatest lesson in me, na, this kind of relationship will never really work out. Laging temporary lang ang saya at pagmamahal na ibibigay sa’yo. Hindi mo pwedeng gawing mundo mo dahil limitado lang ang pagmamahal na kayang bigay ng taong inakala mo mahal ka. Once again, thank you for allowing me to experience how true love is. Thank you for giving your time for a year to understand how to love without expecting in return. You’re truly my one true love. Ngayon, tinuruan mo ko na mas maging better person sa taong makakasama ko habang buhay. Tinuruan mo ko na mamuhay na wag sumuko sa kanya lalo na pag dumaan siya sa worst season ng buhay niya. Tinuruan mo ko na mas i-develop ang pagkatao ko na i-value ko ang effort na ginagawa niya lalo na sa mga simpleng bagay. Tinuruan mo ko na mahalin at unawain siya sa kahit anong uri ng pag-kakamali niya, at hindi magsasawa na bigyan ko siya ng maraming chances para matuto at magbago siya. Tinuruan mo ko na mangarap para sa kanya, na tanggapin siya sa season ng downfall niya. Tinuruan mo ko na bigyan siya ng oras sa lahat ng bagay na ikaka-improve ng pagkatao niya. Tinuruan mo ko na ipaglaban siya para hindi siya mawala dahil siya ang taong mamahalin ko habang buhay. Tinuruan mo ko na pag nagka-problema kami, wag papalipasin ang isang araw na hindi kami nag-kakaayos. Tinuruan mo ko na mas maging open sa kanya lalo na sa communication para hindi maging way ng conflicts sa amin. Tinuruan mo ko na suportahan sya sa lahat ng bagay. That distance won’t be an issue para mas maging matibay kami. Tinuruan mo ko na ingatan at alagaan siya kahit hindi niya ma-appreciate ang effort ko. At, tinuruan mo ko na mahalin siya na walang expectations but to embrace every part ng buhay niya na buo ang suporta na makukuha niya sakin para ikabubuti niya. Tinuruan mo ko na mahalin siya higit pa sa pagmamahal na nadama mo para sakin. Tinuruan mo ko paano ko siya mamahalin sa paraan na hindi ko na-experience sa relasyon natin. Salamat lahat ng lessons. Mas magiging matibay ako sa mga susunod na araw. And today is friday, after almost five months, parang wala man nangyari sa atin. We finally moved forward to the next event of our lives. Ngayon, we’re so busy and focused with our life goals. Mas naging independent tayo ngayon. We’re set apart on purpose. At mas masaya tayo sa outcome natin. Halos 3 months na lang, patapos na ang 2019 and our relationship became the greatest encounter ng buhay natin. I still can’t imagine how we shared our lives para mas maging better person tayo ngayon. I’m so glad we made it today. 😊 I will never regret the days that I met you. The days that I loved you more than my all. Through the best days up to the rough days of our lives. The days that encouraged me to endure all the breakings, because now, I saw the blessing and breakthroughs both in us. You are the best part of my testimony today. You’re my greatest downfall. My one and only true love. You’re the only road that I will drive over and over again. You became my safe home that I stayed for a while. You are the best picture of my 2018. You are my wanderlust (in all aspects of life), and you’re the best decision I’ve ever made this 2019. Again, thank you muning. 🐱 Ngayon, mas naging okay tayo compare noong nakilala natin ang isa’t-isa. Our relationship became our motivation, encouragement and inspiration. We see now life as a cornerstone. We both have stable career today. Ako, regular na sa work, and my boss love my performance and hard work. By the end of this year or next year, nasa Australia ako para mag-work sa boss ko. We we’re able to manage ourselves na alagaan lalo na ang health natin. Feeling ko hindi mo na ko makikilala ngayon dahil I came back to my original weight. From 100kg to 60kg na lang ako. Hehehe! Today, we we’re able to spend more time with our loved ones. We value more the meaning of life. We’re so blessed to have this life na hindi na tayo nahihirapan. I wanted you to know, that I am so proud of you. Sa mga achievements mo at sa success mo. I am your number one supporter. 😊 AT SYEMPRE, ALAS DOSE NA DITO SA PH KAYA, Today is your 27th birthday. And I am greeting you a Blessed and Happiest birthday, sunflower. 🌻 Remember today, you are the most beautiful story that happened in me. You are my favourite chapter that I’ll always look up to. You are my favourite character that inspires me to be the best person today. Hindi ko magagawa ang lahat nang ito kung hindi ka dumating sa buhay ko. Sobrang masaya ako ngayon sa results na meron tayo. Thank you bubun, for everything. Today, I am declaring God’s favour in your life. That He will grant the desires of your heart. He will bless all the works of your hands. I’m so proud of you. Remember, you are a blessing to many. God bless you, Bubun. Happy happy birthday!!! 🌻🧡🎆 Sincerely, Panpan