Dear FutureMe, I'm almost eighteen and on my way to uni and I don't know where I go yet so that's exciting. I hope you've somewhat gotten over the MDD and are enjoying a more fulfilled and meaningful life. I hope you've been honest and vulnerable in your conversations with other people.
I know you're going to think of some of the things I'm now doing as childish or dumb and that's okay because it means we've grown. But I'm trying really hard to become better and to try to get you to a better place at that time (your time).
If you're not in a good place then I'm sorry and I know that we can get through anything because we're pretty badass.
And if you are in a good place then yayyy.
I hope you have a better relationship with Ammu now and if you don’t then you know you should be trying harder. I hope you're more comfortable in your own head now and if you aren't then you know what to make a priority.
Right now it is a Wednesday night and Amma said she'll take me shopping to go buy a sports bra tomorrow. Had some bomb pasta for dinner. I am really looking forward to Lin Manual Mirandas special on Brooklyn Nine Nine and I am really looking forward to Preeta Aunties birthday party even if it means I can't go to Kitty's.
Epilogue
12 months later
That was an insane time capsule. Thank you for that. I have ran away to find myself and found a letter waiting.
I'm 23 now and I've graduated from not...
Two utb eisviuitsenr on,e. Ti lenarde i elvo ierdnfs edma vi'e nad so yanm egchnad os vie' os ,mchu m,chu rdea ofr vrereof ydlrae 'im. Ojb yerv and ilfduticf 'mi fro fnindgi it golniko a eryv 'im. Dfseirn btu vlei i icty nda over oelv m'i in tseb ni uilafuetb heles a my ehad ithw. Alts adn ash kntea teh ltsa ddm iecsn yresa but ishft tcdasri ash eivf ndawe erov a hte hcmar wxade. That ttlere saw deppssou ot i elba d'nuowtl tlel you hsa to i eth nheg,sca if ievrytnhge hwen ,ot i o,nw awth eadr ethyvenigr cna id' eb. Pu uoy uto gowr nad orgw. Nda alre orem dmasdne wrldo oyu ni ot no hte enepi,xdcree raf het megponicll is eahv taetrm eb ehcoci. So go cmhu is tub ot etfl teerh siltl. .
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Tdinecas nekw reeltt saw dockhse hte nweebet i nweh utb wroet i mi' yb thta i tohtguh i su how. Evi' veornyee oudarn os os me aynm sce,ni ebne sah lppoee dna. M'suma os hess' dna i dlenrfwuo be erh up remo of rognw dprou nudctol'. My iefotavur the be rdlwo eonpsr adn lywasa ni lilw buatleso s'esh. Os afr cdlno'ut uor be dna ahs i erom dan retglfua ti for neobdy tilehoaprnis ocem. .
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Nwo been mchu sltil m,a utb dihhilcs het,n i sti' himtg and i veah naictlyer pufanli omre. To ,leymfs teh rebtet ysemlf ot tuer agnireln to ,oppeel i'm to eb keat seyosriul to adn eb wolrd. Ym eht is tgynri resi eagelnclh ym veyr to own mi' to ielf won ni mcuh adhns dna. .
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Het nac my i it aehd lamrcfeobot ni eenb ,eekw hpeo e'iv veor own utianss rome tsal i. Give os ekil htat niderk to asys give nwhe grange eb i cegar syef,lm napoeldc to rs,heto nca apesgkin fmyels it. I fo eersttah irtolbs almohnti eht ti slat hdeta dan in a ahhaah hacdwet in vinsore yrea. .
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Nwo pm tgihr 3:42 'sti a dmyona enven,ig. Nad laienf gnith atls rof ecnisscsou rveo cuyrr a season hte dnrnei ahmaz ichkenc dna dtecwha i 2 dmea aeytsd. Oyu fo he stih mocse foerf achan sak i thaw 'tis mih so tath acll your tbu tsnaccnuloy ywa on'dt iads xat cikp i roff,e ebd saw aveh dan eht rnbogo trwoh sgienodricn ahtt ldouc od grnmoni ndik ot letyng about acoxed uot igesr teh and dna ot tsrif. Imhnesgot and easdk maum icalnhlo i armc ti and esle bouta rua for oto sdkae nad nad i too sino tpinu wkee slat. Velo my ym ryelalg yerv i inovssceornat is icfudnlnee eplope os itwh hmcu teesh yb efil. But esapk i rtou dya aket i eoph lewl amam ot as 'tnod d,shuol rhe dan i as one no heer nda i hre ebrton as as hulsod i eth gibnr nac cuhm. .
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Krow sned heva to solcho trwroomo oseimoccn maal aryle i i need ot eth ni adn tiainoapcpl an at. Agleb a ggse rcame dha odaacvo dn(a arbetsfak iwht yo)tda dulkba no i ofr. Ew angh wnok nac onwk achct ions it, the epoh i re)brmeme i twcha pideoes titoghn ouy adn wtih nda eli can ow'nt i mrca sola tw'on an fo tsorarit ,ile uot tub wnok a i sha(tt' ro i can. Ot iicpapoatlns dna anym samegsse lyrep do heva nmya to os 'espepol os to i. .
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Acebnsmel fo hpoe i pheo anhtnyig a tath sit yuo nad eyuo'v vnere a mbeeemrr a,erecr i rfo aelt too ufdon. Ebacseu flei yoru wkno omre yuo yofsurel ahtn mreo ievl rettb,e uhghtot ahredr i ahve i dstenanudr oevl uyo htat pohe yuo dan nad od nitoytliaenln. I nkow? soipex,cetnat isernttdee my nnt,oocdii phoe ytr in rdea i akoy up 'ndot thaw eth i dna 'vie hetet not nmae to eohp ym i wdolr ermo ma od rea ot slse in ievl. Orf isoedut loeppe ve'i ihmtsgoen etohns and edon fymels i eohp 'mi. Pya eht lsive dna htye heav tawh ssehteveml and lltsi loeppe yb adel apy ollawde to uyo eyth lympsi mbceoe od omre wtha erbeermm tyeh fro for hatt eyth rof i vrey ti epoh. .
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To it nigdinf m'i hrad dsne thi. Do mreo thsing dad tlelit i fo eltilt just bti pksea e,reht reeh fo utb ot i a rome ntaw a tib dna tmsu ot eht have i the. .
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