Subject

Dear FutureMe, Hey future me...I haven't done this in months...and you already know who I will be talking about. He mine as well be my life huh? He controls it enough. Well a week or so back....wait lets go back farther. About a month back it was winter carnival. Yes that pointless dance where everyone is blown out of their minds and has sex on he dance floor. I'm sure you remember this night...I think we/I just have bad luck on winter carnival. First we see him make out with his new girlfriend and he mine as well have thrown our heart on the ground and stomped it with some cleats. But this year, he went up to Jessie and Orion. He asked Orion how many girls he had been with. Orion said well just one. Glenn said ha I've been with three. Jessie slapped him twice, then told me the story, after making me stop my dancing with Ricky.( aka ravens ex boyfriend)I was pissed, he was piss drunk. I couldnt even do anything about it. I lost my wallet and i thought it might be in his car so i just asked him about that. He couldnt even stand up. He had to rest on me. It was actually kind of pathetic. Plus the fact that he drove in that condition. Wow stupid. He deserved to be slapped. I asked him about it, on myspace, i sent him a message. He got pissseddddddd. Told me it was my fault we wouldnt work out...dick. But anyway that happened. A few weeks later we decided we were going to meet up after a half day at school over at portage lake. We got it all figured out. I waited for about a half hour for him to show up. I then got a text saying he was tired and was just going to go home and go to bed....I was beyond PISSED. I drove the truck fast and dangerously. Later on in the day i settled down got over it. Then i had to help jessie out with a money situation. I drove into Kaleva with Ryan and on the way back, oh this was about 3-4 hours after "glenn went home to sleep" I saw him driving home from Manistee. I texted him...he didnt reply. Not only was I mad, I was really hurt, and confused. I didnt know why he would do that. Why he just couldnt tell me the god damned truth! I guess ill never know. THat night i cried, and i cried, and i cried some more. I was a wreck. I called mike and asked him what i should do . I told him everything glenns done, and the way he has made me feel both good and bad. He advised me to just kick him out of my life completely. I did. I didn't say a word to glenn. Not one word, didn't even look at him. Itreated him ad if he was non-existent. I listened to pissed music for about a week. He noticed. He invited me to a party after about a week of ignoring him. I didnt go. But after that we have been talking again. I cant get him out of my life. Even when I wasnt talking to him i was still thinking of him. He just doesnt go away. We still have sex too. We have had sex 8 times....probably stupid of me to do that each time. He gave me a piggy back ride after we did it last haha. We were "going to dairy queen" In reality we were in the back seat of of his dad's buik. He was only supposed to stay with me until 3 at the very latest. He stayed until 5:30 :). He get surgery next tuseday...I'm scared. Not just for his safety, but I'm not sure if he will want to see me if we cant do it :( i hope thats not the case. We might hang out this weekend. Once more before the big day. But who knows with him. I dont get my hopes up anymore. I keep them down. I think the worst possible thing will happen, that way i wont be let down. Pretty pessimistic of me. Oh well. It helps. Especially when you love an ass like him. He's an asshole who can be absolutely caring and loving and adorable and just all around amazing. Nothing can compare to the way i feel when we just sit there in eachothers arms. Or when he rubs my tummy as dog like as that may sound. I absolutely love it, and him. Ugg he's leaving soon though. Graduating, moving away, going into the air force o.o. I hope he will be okay....but ill be moving on too. going elsewhere doing new things, falling in love with someone worth my while? hopefully...i really truly hope so. OH and then theres matt b. cobs bro. He asked you out a few times. You turned him down because of how fucked up you are from glenn. He seemed like a good guy too. Oh well. Life goes on. I hope I have a date for prom...glenns no promise for that. Matt would have been. Maybe he still will be. But hes probably getting with that girl he likes in TC. Shes better for him anyway. Closer for confident less insecure. Well future me I hope all is going well. And if its not maybe things will look up. JUst think about 10 more weeks and you will be graduating :o that even scared me now. Good luck. I hope its as sunny and warm next year as it is now. Its been in the mid 50's. See ya future me. I hope i remember to write more often. These are probably either sad, weird, or cool to read.