I hope you found a way out.

As of now, you plan on ending your life the day this arrives. You see it as the day no one will need you anymore, the day that everyone takes their own paths. I really hope that we found a different route. I know how hard it has been, and how hard it's going to be. At this point, you'll be 22 I believe. Our youngest sister should have graduated this year, where you there to congratulate her? She's about to start a life on her own isn't she? ... A life you might be leaving... I hope you have made friends though! People who convince you not to! Hey, if you are mentally more stable than I am, have you fixed your problem where you constantly shove people away when they try to get close? I know I'm still struggling with that problem. I'm about to go to job corps! Yay! But I'm scared that I won't be able to make friends, or that I'll shove away the ones who try to be my friends... Well, I won't know until I try! Did you like going to job corps? Was it fun? I have so many questions... I know... That someone has convinced you to stop... Or your going through with it today. Either way... I still want to ask these questions... -Are you single? I'm afraid that around that age you'll lock yourself in your apartment or house when your not at work. Go get to know people! Do something you weren't able to do in your teens. Try going on a date! You've been single for all this time so far! Don't be single all your life! -Are you still drawing? I know I like drawing, but I never keep it constant, I hope you continued, even if a little. -Have you taken any culinary classes out of highschool yet? I know how much you love to cook, I hope to take more culinary after highschool if you haven't. Or at least make your own meals. -Do you still watch a lot of anime? Hahaha, anime is awesome, I hope you still watch it! If not, while your reading this think of some anime and go watch it. -Hows the family? I know mom has that heart problem... How is she doing? How's abi and her kids? What about billy? Does he visit ally when he can? Sophia should be way bigger now, I hope she is still her usual goofy self though. Is beto and destiny still together? Or at least fixed their problems? I know at the moment things are not well with them. They constantly fight, and I'm pretty sure they use drugs when they don't have to watch their kids. Speaking of them, hows bre? Has she learned any manners? She should be 13? I hope she learned some manners by then please. Hows enve? She should be big now! Has Brian found a good job? Do you guys work together? I know y'all went (atm is going) to job corps for the same thing. -Do you still have to take depression meds? And iron pills? I'm just starting, I still can't get into the routine to take them a the time. I hope you still don't have to take the iron ones. They upset my stomach. I don't know what else to ask hahahaha.... Hm... -Do you still use discord? And/or keep in touch with the friends you got? I still use discord, though not a lot. I hope you still do, or at least keep in touch with our friends like Lera, Chris, Llama (frisc), Harold, and David. I hope you didn't just abandon them... -Did you still continue making YouTube videos? I liked making videos even though they where every cringe worthy XD. -Do you still game? I know I play things like Minecraft, roblox, clash of clans, and a lot of other games. Some phone and others on different console devices. I hope you continued, they are so fun! ....-Do you still hate yourself? I know it's hard not to... But I hope you learned to at this point... Even if just a little... -Do you still blame yourself for his *****? I know in my time when people ask, you say no, but you really do.. I hope that you learned to look past it, and realize it's not our fault... Even if we feel it is.. it's not... -Do you keep in touch with anyone from highschool? I don't think you do.. even now, as I'm in high school, or rather as I'm leaving highschool to go to job corps. The only person I think I talk to ever now and then is Dani from freshman year. I got her on Snapchat. Well, I can't really think of anything else... I guess do you have a good job? Have you started a family of your own? Do you celebrate your birthdays alone? Do you still put everyone else's feeling before yours? Have you stopped that bad habit of never asking for anything because you don't want to waste money on a person "like yourself"? You need to stop thinking like that. Do you still wish that you can make friends? Do you still lock yourself in your house (or room) when you don't have to do anything? Are you still a lazy piece of trash? Okay... Now I can't think of anything... I've spent too much time working on this letter anyway hahahaha! It's been over an hour. Wow... I have to go now. I hope you continue living. That also means I hope things in the future have gotten better, for both your sake and mine. Bye. -From Bethanie (yourself) Date written: 11/18/18