tengahari terik, September 5th, 2018

Dear Future me (kakak) and everyone else too, Hi there, its 1250 in the evening, I was lying on the floor because I was too lazy to fold mountains of clothes but diligent enough to contemplate about life and the reason to live. so lazy, I feel so demotivated. Maybe I won't feel like this an hour before Ibu comes back home. Hopefully. I mean apart from being an adequately good person, a great khalifah, striving to be the best human on earth, not to please people but for the sake of greater good, to please Him (because you don't want to go to hell do you? I hate physical pain, it hurts) ... i feel sad, kakak. sometimes I feel like even if I die will it really affect other people? ten years ago, Ihsan died. People mourned him for about two-three years and then they start feeling normal again. Feeling happy, angry and selfish. maybe they don't want to feel too sad anymore because they are tired of repeating those feelings over and over again. maybe. Till this day, I still have been thinking bout it, I still cry bout it, still having grudges towards him because he died so early I didn't even get the chance to say a proper goodbye. Why must he go to heaven without me? why did he leave me alone and sad like this? sometimes I feel so sad but during odd hours like during class listening attentively to some boring lectures, while having lunch with friends or while riding the escalator. do we deserve to be happy knowingly people are dying so tragically at the same time? Just in case you're feeling overly sad (which is not good for your mental health), here are some songs that might reduce your sadness, I hope. 1. Trembling Hands - The Temper Trap 2. Waste - Foster The People 3. Snow Patrol - Life On Earth 4. Hand of God - Jon Bellion 5. Illion - Banka bye kakak, jaga diri ok.