hope dangles on a string like slow spinning redemption

Dear FutureMe, it's very important to me that you(FutureMe) get this letter. at this point i can't tell if this time of my life is significant or not. i'm 20 years old right now and trying to start a plan for you. in january of 2010 i'm hoping so so much to be able to start school. i've decided i want you to become a pharmacist. i'm scared to death i won't meet the prerequisites to get in but i'm going to try as hard as i can. the past two years of my life have been traumatic to say the least. i'd fallen in love with a terrible person and was consequently badly burned. then, i turned to friends and alcohol to help me through the depression caused by the whole ordeal. this led to over a year of binge drinking, loss of dignity and self-respect. after i quit drinking in june i adopted a new way to numb myself. that is where my battle with food began. i'm still trying hard to have a healthy relationship with food. i only drink socially now and i've given up my partying ways all before the ripe old age of 21. since my mind is no longer clouded with drugs and alcohol, i've started to realize that even though i've yet to come to terms with who i am, i can still start down the right path towards becoming who i want to be. i have the highest hopes that you will receive this email in 8 years. you will be much older and wiser than i could even fathom at this very moment. most importantly YOU would have carried out MY dream of becoming not only a pharmacist, but a decent human being. if you do get this email then i need to make sure you remember exactly how you felt about a few things... you loved your parents unconditionally. your mother is the only reason i'm alive to write this letter now. at the end of the day she was the only person you had. you had deep-seeded emotional issues attached to your sisters existence. you couldn't say you didn't love her no matter how much you knew in your heart that's how you felt. she was your bad example, and the only thing you could have ever hoped for was not to end up like her. i hope this has changed. you'd gotten to a point where even though you were still so young, it seemed all future relationships were doomed, but you thought maybe, just maybe there was someone out there for you. most importantly of all remember how much you loved sparkles. he was the best cat you could have asked for and no other pet could ever replace him. he was your silent companion, but you knew he loved you more than anyone in the world. i'd like to think he's still around but in reality he would be too old by now. the thought of this makes me cry. sincerely (no really..), PastMe