A letter from January 2nd, 2017

Dear FutureMe, This is exactly the same day you wrote this letter. Just thought of sending you a message so maybe you'd understand a bit what's going on. It's been two weeks since the last time we talked and I was trying to contact you but it feels like you hate me and you don't want to talk to me anymore. There are many things in my mind but I don't know where to start. Should I start by saying "i miss you?" Or knowing you is one of the most exciting things that happened to me in 2016? Ang corny no? But trust me, I tried to forget you. Kaya lang hindi ka mawala sa isip ko eh. Maybe im in love with you? Or i don't know...I didn't mean to feel this way but you know, there are things that I can't control.... I'm still puzzled kung bakit bigla ka na lang nawala. Did you find someone else? Did you get back with your ex? Did I say something wrong? So many questions left unanswered. Mas gusto ko pa nga kung sasabihin mo directly ung dahilan kasi ang hirap. Ang hirap mag isip. Ang hirap maghintay. I am writing you this, not because i am forcing you to come back or I am mad at you. Hindi nman ako nagalit sayo kahit kailan. I just want to let you know kung ano nararamdaman ko. Nasaktan ako sa mga nangyari kasi para sakin hindi lang sex yun. Wala eh, babae lang ako. Ang sakit kasi pgtapos ng lahat bigla na lang ngbago. Alam mo, eto ung pinaka kinakatakutan kong dumating kaya ayokong pumayag nung una. Ikaw na mismo ang nagsabi na kapag may nahanap ako, sabihin ko agad sayo at wag ako biglang mwawala. I trusted you. I believed in all the things you said. You could have at least have had the courage to let me know rather than leave me hanging. SANA MALAMAN KO ANG DAHILAN. Kahit masakit-kahit ano pa yan, iintindihin ko. Ano ba ang naging problema? Okay naman tayo diba?Ayokong isipin pero pakiramdam ko GINAMIT lang ako. I was thinking maybe you were just bored or you just want to get over your ex. It feels so unfair and I feel stupid pero kahit ano nman nararamdaman ko hindi nman na mahalaga yun eh kasi ayaw mo na. You have no idea how much I wanted you to stay. Ayaw kitang mawala eh pero ano ang gagawin ko?. I know we have different wavelengths. May mga times na hindi mko naiintindihan at hindi rin kita naiintindihan. Alam ko din na ayaw mo ng ganitong "drama" and I respect that. Gusto ko lang malaman kung ano ba ang nangyari. Hindi nman siguro ko ganon kawalang kwentang tao na pgtapos ng lahat parang basura na itatapon na lang. I feel like a stranger to you now. Bilang tao na lang siguro , SABIHIN MO BECAUSE I DESERVE TO KNOW. Yun lang ang hinihingi ko. Sobrang nalulungkot ako babe:( I need peace of mind. Ang hirap pala talaga ipilit ung bagay na hindi nman pwede no matter how much effort and time you have invested. Ang hirap ipagpilitan ung sarili sa taong ayaw naman sayo. Im sorry. Sorry sa lahat ng kakulitan ko. Sorry sa pagiging OA at demanding ko. Sorry kung hindi ako magaling pag dating sa bed. You know Im not perfect but I tried. I tried so hard but I failed AGAIN. Even though our story ended with a sour note, I will always remember our best days. I miss our conversations -from the sweetest to the naughtiest ones. I miss your calls. Namimiss ko yung pagiging suplado mo. I miss the way you touched me. MISSIN OUR SEXY TIME :) and yes! I was serious about having a baby with you. I really Can't explain but for me you're not just an ordinary guy. I have come to like you for having a heart so pure and good. Thank you for ROCKING MY WORLD babe and Thank you for making me happy in our short lived romance. I just hope that you smile and somehow remember me. I also hope you see something that reminds you of me. Happy New Year babe! I'm not sure if you're still with your family right now but either way I hope you're having a good time. Whatever you're doing, I just want you to be happy. I believe that you are truly a good person, Zan and that's one of the reasons why I admire you. Don't be afraid to give yourself a chance and allow people to take care of you and love you. Remember that you are not old to restart. Always look after yourself so you can take good care of Bea. Don't forget to pray too. I miss you so much baby :( just like what you told me before, I will always be here for you.