Why an apathetic father is bullshit

Dear FutureMe, I've thought long and hard about my social issues. I worked long and hard to fix my social issues. I can work a crowd. I can make "friends." And I can almost pass for human, almost. But deep down, I feel unwanted. Unloved. A needles burden. That's not fair to my family that cares, but it is what I feel. Why. I keep tracing back the why. And it lands in one place. My father doesn't give a shit about me. His accident. He has his own family. And I have my mum, and her parents. Others have overcome this, but how. I don't know. Right now, all I know is that I'd like someone to talk to. If I were rich, I'd hire a therapist. But I'm not, so friends it is. Whoops, I don't have any. None that I can talk to. I had two that I thought I could count on. But one is an asshole. And the other is too fixed on his own life to bother. This is such a stupid hole in my life. A drain on my soul. I can feel my essence oozing away everytime I confront this. Why should a father's affection and approval matter so much? Such bullshit. Fuck it futureme, I hope you've got better answers than now. Keep fighting. Or don't. But if you don't, kill yourself, don't half ass life.