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Hey bb. Please read. It's John.
Hey my love. The date is Feb. 6 2009. I am writing you this letter from the past to remind you that I love you with everything that is in me. I broke my leg three months ago. It was the second hardest thing I've ever gone through in my life. You were there for me every moment and proved your love for me over and over again. I couldn't ask for a better wife, and I pray everyday that God will make me a better husband. We just got the news that we are going to have to move from our apartment on campus. Whether we know it or feel it, we've had a hard life. But it's seemed so easy with you by my side. God is number one and He has blessed me with you. I don't know where we will be in life when you get this letter. I hope we still have the newly-wed freshness that we still have after our first two years of marriage. I hope my past hasn't caught up with me and hurt us. I'm so glad God has forgiven me of my mistakes. I still find it hard to forgive myself. I haven't told you that I beat myself up daily for those mistakes I made. The only thing I can do is daily give them up to God and pray for the strength to never go there again. I hope I still tell you I love you everyday. If something has happened to "us", I'm sorry. The man I am now is sorry. I pray I'm still the same man when you read this, or a better man.
There is a chance that I might have already left this world to meet my Father. If that's the case, know that I loved you passionately. Know that I want you to move on, and continue to grow in God's love.
The future I plan, dream, and hope for is one where we have children. Maybe we'll have kids when you read this! The prospect is exciting. I also haven't told you that the reason I'm so afraid of having children is because we aren't established financially yet. You'll be out of school and working, and I'll be in school...or maybe out. But I want a baby so bad. I want stability and a family with you. I want to work hard during the day and come home to you, Kaleb, and Myla. I am so very happy with where we are now. I am so ashamed of who I used to be. God has brought me further than anyone can ever know. And I hope He doesn't stop. I love you bb. I always have, and I always will. Never forget.
P.S.: The Word says to walk in the spirit and we won't fulfill the lusts of the flesh. If I'm a different person Ashley, read this letter to me...and don't give up on me.
If I'm a better person, read this letter to me, and rejoice with me.
Till death do us part... and death is not the end,
Sent 5 years to the future, from February 6th, 2009 to over 4 years ago
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