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Dear FutureMe, How are you? This is your past speaking to you. Weird, huh? I dunno. I'm eating oatmeal in my room, hunched over my laptop. I didn't want to live like this. I wanted to go out and meet people and make friends... and to be happy. Instead, I got so overwhelmed by Frosh Week, that I may have acquired social anxiety from it. Maybe not, you had social anxiety before but it wasn't this bad. It's hard to live up to people's expectations, isn't it? Janice, Melaine, Heather, Kim, Angela, Ms. Brimcombe, Ms. Melnyk, your teachers, your friends and your family.. Especially your parents. They had such high hopes for you, they still do. But they don't understand what kind of torture it was for you. You voice would seize up, your mind goes blank and your expression gets stuck. You'd sound terrible when you tried to speak, you would squeak and stutter. No one else but you knows what it feels like. God, I felt so alone when I was a child. But you changed, didn't you? You were determined to climb out of the cave and touch the sun (You should recognize this reference by now ;) ). During your teen years, You went for speech therapy and they helped you tremendously . One problem, you were too afraid to put the new learning to practice. You didn't think people would want to listen to you, after all, they thought you were weird. You didn't want them to judge you, but you had no choice but to keep the learning inside and let them corrode. This went on for 5 years. Little progress had been made because you were afraid. You wanted to move away from home to New Brunswick for university. Your parents were mad at first, but they eventually understood this was what you needed, a fresh start. A new beginning. You were so excited to go to school. You started to fantasize about your time in university; partying with friends, laughing with friends, drinking beer and play all sort of stupid shits on each other, studying with friends, sharing personal stories with friends, making a lot of girl - friends (not to be confused with girlfriends, you don't need them at this point. ;) ) and just generally being with friends. You were so excited during the summer when you met your roommate, you thought he was cool and that he thought you were too. You spent the summer being so confident, you talked to Kerrin at work all the time, though she wasn't much of a conversationalist. Being confident made you happy, your confidence even got you a girl back then in march break (but that's another bad experience , so keep that in the back of your mind). When you arrived on campus in September, you froze. You couldn't handle it. They took you on all kinds of trips, everyone was yelling and laughing and all of those things new friends would do... except you. You were back to your old self. You sat in the back and kept quiet. In the last few days of Frosh Week, you stayed in your room on the internet. You and your roommate never talked to each other, he tried to talk to you a few times but you hadn't been communicating with him so he gave up on you and moved on to other people. He made new friends and he probably has a new girlfriend now, all because he was so confident. You were so envious of him. You'd blame it on your survival instincts, but that's not true. You were totally capable of doing it back then. Your greatest enemy isn't you, it's self-doubt. You let yourself be clouded by self-doubt; "What will they say if they hear my voice?", "What does my voice sounds like?", "Will they be able to understand me?", "Will they think I'm weird", Et Cetera... They didn't judge you. They couldn't because they've never heard or knew you. You judged yourself. You let self doubt defeat you before you could ever begin to speak. You used to think yourself as a scared little boy who wasn't ready to become a brave man. But that wasn't true, you were a scared big man who wasn't ready to become a brave little boy that you never were. At this point, I've been mentally fighting off self doubts, it's going well, I'm regaining a little confidence as days goes by. I haven't spoken much during my time here, but a few days ago, I had the first conversation since forever and it made me feel happy... It's nice to be happy, I don't feel that very often. I also made a few friends, though it was by MSN, but at least it's a start. Don't worry, Craig. There's a brave little boy somewhere within you. Open your mind and heart... And he will jump forth. :D Oh and by the way, smile! Keep on smiling and laughing! Someone once told you that your laughter was one of the most genuine and beautiful sounds they've ever heard.